A miserable rooster

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1. Excerpts from the rural lifeA farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says «Ok, old fellow, time to retire.» The old rooster says «You can’t handle all these chickens….look at what it did to me!» The young rooster replies, «Now, ... Читать далее...
2. A talking horseA travelling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past. «Yes sir, I’m a fine horse. I’ve run in 25 races and won over??5 million. I keep my ... Читать далее...
3. Seems that the traveling salesman was driving in the countrySeems that the traveling salesman was driving in the country and his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farm house, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay over night. «Sure,» said the farmer, «my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are 21 and 23 ... Читать далее...
4. Want some chicken?A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 and the chicken stayed right next to him. He speeded up to 75 MPH and the chicken ... Читать далее...
5. A life-long city man, tired of the rat raceA life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a ... Читать далее...
6. Harry and his wife are driving in the countryHarry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, «Cow For Sale…$5000.» He pulls in and says to the farmer, «There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.» The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.» He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова chickenChicken — курица, курятина Перевод слова Casseroled chicken — запеченный цыпленок chicken manure — куриный помет chicken coop — курятник Don’t be such a Chicken! Не будь таким трусом! We cooked a whole Chicken. Мы варили курицу целиком. We barbecued Chicken and ribs. Мы жарили на гриле курицу и ребра....
8. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadowA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s ... Читать далее...
9. A change of styleTwo men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says «When did you start wearing them?» To which the other man replies «Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.»...
10. A city boy was visiting the country andA city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy ... Читать далее...
11. A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty yearsA farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years and tells the priest he’s been having sexual intercourse with a pig ever since his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether the pig is a male or female. «No! I’m not doing it anymore!» ... Читать далее...
12. There was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his houseThere was a farmer, sitting on the front porch of his house this one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire. «Hey kid!» the farmer says. «Where ya goin’ with that wire?» «Well,» the kid drawls, «this here ain’t just any ol’ wire, this here’s ... Читать далее...
13. Значение идиомы fly the coop[fly the coop] {v. phr.}, {slang} To leave suddenly and secretly;run away. The robbers flew the coop before the police arrived. His partner flew the coop with all the money....
14. A farmer walked into an attorney officeA farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, «May I help you?» The farmer said, «Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.» The attorney said, «well do you have any grounds?» The farmer said, «Yea, I got about 140 acres.» The attorney said, » No, ... Читать далее...
15. Perot cornTwo farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the other, «Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?» The second farmer replies,»No I ain’t.» The first farmer says, «Yeah, it’s a big yielding variety. The stalk don’t grow too big, but the ears are tremendous!»...
16. Перевод идиомы fly the coop, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: fly the coop Идиома: fly the coop Перевод: сбежать, убежать, выбраться Пример: The prisoner was able to fly the coop when the guard was not looking. Заключенному удалось сбежать в тот момент, когда охранник на него не смотрел....
17. A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one nightA farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night, the farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife’s breast a little feel and says,»Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow.» His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, «Mother, if this ... Читать далее...
18. This man was sitting quietly reading his paperThis man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: «What was that for?» Wife: «What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written ... Читать далее...
19. Picking a WardrobeI’m one of those people who doesn’t have much of a Fashion sense. I mean, I know that you shouldn’t wear a pink shirt with green pants, but beyond that I’m pretty much a Basket case when it comes to picking my Wardrobe. I have plenty of Short-sleeve and Long-sleeve dress shirts, some have a ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова salesmanSalesman — продавец, торговец Перевод слова He is a born salesman — он прирожденный коммерсант aggressive salesman — напористый торговый агент car salesman — продавец машин I really dislike this Salesman. Мне категорически не нравится этот продавец. The Salesman measured off three metres of the wood. Продавец отмерил три метра дерева. The Salesman will call ... Читать далее...
21. An old man goes into the Social Security OfficeAn old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, ... Читать далее...
22. Farmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheepFarmer Petrovich is whipping and slapping his sheep when the local minister comes walking around the corner. The minister says, «My, Farmer Petrovich, you’re certainly giving that sheep a beating. You wouldn’t do that to your wife, would you?» The farmer says, «I would if she farted and jumped sideways every time I tried to ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы pants[pants] See: ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS, CATCH ONE WITH ONE’S PANTS DOWN, FANCY PANTS, FLY BY THE SEAT OF ONE’S PANTS, GET THE LEAD OUT OF ONE’spanTS, KICK IN THE PANTS, WEAR THE TROUSERS or WEAR THE PANTS....
24. Three guys were sitting in a bar talkingThree guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; «You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова farmerFarmer — фермер Перевод слова Cattle farmer — скотовод, владелец животноводческой фермы collective farmer — колхозник truck farmer — огородник They work for a Farmer. Они работают у фермера. The Farmer cut at the snake with a stick. Фермер ударил змею палкой. The Farmer hitched the cart to his best horse. Фермер впряг в телегу ... Читать далее...
26. Man Comes To Realize His Puppies Aren’t Puppies After AllA farmer in China bought two «good-looking pups» from a man who said they’d make good watch dogs. For two years he raised the little black puppies, grooming their coarse hair and feeding them ample quantities of food. Their appetites were huge and getting larger by the day… One weird thing about the dogs was ... Читать далее...
27. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы ruffle feathers[ruffle feathers] or [ruffle one’s feathers] {v. phr.} Insult ordisturb slightly; offend. The author ruffled some feathers by hisportrait of his hometown....
29. Перевод слова shirtShirt — рубашка, сорочка Перевод слова Check shirt — клетчатая рубашка flaxen shirt — льняная рубаха sports shirt — рубашка-поло Have you ironed my Shirt? Вы погладили мою рубашку? Tuck in your Shirt. Заправь рубаху. This Shirt is all worn out. Рубашка совсем износилась....
30. As US tourists in IsraelAs US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. «America,» the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the ... Читать далее...
31. Appropriate punishmentThrough the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, «I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig ... Читать далее...
32. Chinese SubtitlesFrom a list of English subtitles used in films made in Hong Kong, Compiled by Stefan Hammond and Mike Wilkins for their book, to be published in August by Fireside. Cited in Harper’s, June 1996. I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way. Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep. ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы hell[hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
34. Old farmer Johnson was dyingOld farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife, «Maude, when I’m dead and gone… I want you to marry farmer Jones.» «Oh no, I couldn’t marry anyone after you!» Maude replies. «But I want you to, Maude.» «But why?» Maude asks. «Because ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы ball of fire[ball of fire] {n.}, {informal} A person with great energy and ability; a person who can do something very well. He did poorly in school but as a salesman he is a ball of fire. The new shortstop is a good fielder but certainly no ball of fire in batting. Compare: HOT NUMBER, HOT ONE....
36. Incredible golf ballA golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, «Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!» The golfer, annoyed, says, «What is it?» «It’s a special golf ball,» says the salesman. «You can never lose ... Читать далее...
37. A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty lifeA blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life. While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to ... Читать далее...
38. A kind of sportA guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, «What the hell was that?» He replies, «Touchdown, I am ... Читать далее...
39. Young Amanpreet never quite got over his miserableYoung Amanpreet never quite got over his miserable childhood as an orphan in the ghetto. When he turned 18 he joined the Marines, but old habits die hard and one night the sergeant found him rummaging around the garbage and eating out of the discarded cans and jars. «On your free, Lizard Pecker,» he bellowed. ... Читать далее...
40. It finally happenedA man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, «I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?» So Saint Peter thought about it a ... Читать далее...