A middle-aged man recieves a brazillian parrot

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1. A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavyA middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he’s groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat. She says, «That’s it! That’s it!» He says, «It can’t be. I part mine ... Читать далее...
2. Passing a parrotA lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, «Hey lady, you are really ugly.» Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same ... Читать далее...
3. Magician and ParrotMagician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician ... Читать далее...
4. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get marriedA middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, «Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.» The startled groom says «How can that be? You’ve been married twice…» The bride responds… ... Читать далее...
5. Never talk to the ParrotMrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn’t accommodate her with an «after-hours» appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, «I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. By the way, ... Читать далее...
6. A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhereA guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,»what the hell was that?». The truck driver replies, «some kinda animal, go back to sleep.» Further the same thing again, bang, «What the hell was that?», ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова agedAged — пожилой, старый, престарелый Перевод слова Middle-aged man — человек среднего возраста aged population — престарелые a boy aged fifteen — мальчик пятнадцати лет A woman Aged 50 has given birth to twins. Женщина в возрасте 50 лет родила двойню. His hair whitened as he Aged. Его волосы побелели, как он постарел. There is ... Читать далее...
8. Footless ParrotA guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова middleMiddle — середина Перевод слова In the middle of — посреди, посередине middle-aged man — человек среднего возраста the middle orders — средние слои общества I’m in the Middle of writing a letter. Я как раз сейчас пишу письмо. He was standing in the Middle of the room. Он стоял посреди комнаты. You must steer ... Читать далее...
10. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы parrot-fashion[parrot-fashion] {adv.} Like a parrot; by rote memorization andwithout any understanding. The candidate delivered a speech thatwas prepared for him and he read it parrot-fashion....
12. A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrotA black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says » where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies » Over in Africa, there’s millions of them » !!!!...
13. A very Insulting ParrotThis elderly lady, recently widowed, decides to see if a pet will ease her loneliness and goes to the pet store. She decides against puppies, kitties, etc., and is about to leave the store when she hears a voice saying, «My, do you look lovely this afternoon, madam.» She turns around quickly to see who ... Читать далее...
14. The Preacher buys a ParrotA preacher is buying a parrot. «Are you sure it doesn’t scream, yell, or swear?» asked the preacher. «Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,» the storekeeper assures him. «Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left he ... Читать далее...
15. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrotA guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. «This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.» the clerk said. «Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?» «This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.» «And the other?» said the customer. ... Читать далее...
16. A fellow was following a truck in heavy trafficA fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to ... Читать далее...
17. Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6Two young brothers, aged 5 and 6, are listening through the keyhole as their older sister is getting it on with her new boyfriend. They hear her say, «Oh, Jim, you’re going where no man has gone before!» The six-year-old says to his brother, «He must be fucking her up the ass!»...
18. Значение идиомы middle ground[middle ground] {n.} A place halfway between the two sides of anargument; a compromise. John wanted to go running. Bill said it wastoo hot. Tom took the middle ground and suggested a hike. Thecommittee found a middle ground between the two proposals....
19. The aged patient doddered intoThe aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. «Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.» «Come on now Mr Peters,» the doctor said, «your sex drives all in your head.» «Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.»...
20. Перевод слова truckTruck — грузовик Перевод слова Truck driver — водитель грузовика light truck — малотоннажный грузовой автомобиль to slam into a truck — врезаться в грузовик The Truck laboured up the hill. Грузовик с трудом взбирался вверх по склону. He has Trucked all his equipment. Он привез на грузовике все свое оборудование. He jumped into his ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы in the middle of nowhere[in the middle of nowhere] {adv. phr.} In a deserted, farawayplace. When my car stopped on the highway in the middle of nowhere, it took forever to get help....
22. Значение идиомы middle-of-the-road[middle-of-the-road] {adj.} Favoring action halfway between twoopposite movements or ideas; with ideas halfway between two oppositesides; seeing good on both sides. The men who wrote theConstitution followed a middle-of-the-road plan on whether greaterpower belonged to the United States government or to the separatestates. Senator Jones favors a middle-of-the-road policy in thelabor-management dispute....
23. A robber was robbing a houseA robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. «Jesus is watching you!» «who’s there?» The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. «What’s your name,» the robber asked. «Cocodora» said the parrot. «Now, what kind of ... Читать далее...
24. The hunting seasonThis truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying «NERDS NOT ALLOWED — ENTER AT OWN RISK!» He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, asks ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы change horses in the middle of a stream[change horses in the middle of a stream] or [change horses in midstream] {v. phr.} To make new plans or choose a new leader in the middle of an important activity. When a new President is to be elected during a war, the people may decide not to change horses in the middle of a ... Читать далее...
26. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
27. A present for the anniversaryA middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says, «So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?» She says, «Bernie, I want a divorce.» He says, «I wasn’t planning on spending that much.»...
28. Значение идиомы in the middle[in the middle] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} In between two sides of anargument; caught between two dangers. Mary found herself in themiddle of the quarrel between Joyce and Ethel. John promised Tomto go fishing, but his father wanted him to help at home. John was inthe middle....
29. Frasier’s dog Eddie dies aged 16Moose the dog, better known as Eddie in US sitcom Frasier, has died aged 16 in Los Angeles, his trainer has said. The Jack Russell terrier passed away of old age last week at trainer Mathilde Halberg’s home, she told People magazine and the Access Hollywood show. «He just had an incredible charisma and was ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод идиомы in the middle of nowhere, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: in the middle of nowhere Перевод: в очень отдаленном месте, очень далеко Пример: We stopped in the middle of nowhere to have a picnic. Мы остановились очень далеко и устроили пикник....
31. Перевод идиомы play both ends (against the middle / center), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: play both ends (against the middle / center) Идиома: play both ends (against the middle / center) Перевод: играть на обе стороны; сталкивать лбами соперников; манипулировать обеими сторонами с целью собственной выгоды Пример: The man was trying to play both ends against the middle when he tried to negotiate with the two departments in ... Читать далее...
32. Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnelTwo truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS. The first driver measures his truck and says, «Damn…3 .2 meters!» The second one looks furtively around and says, «No police, anywhere. We can go!»...
33. A bad dayThere’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: «Come on man, I was ... Читать далее...
34. Very depressed manThere’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, «Come on man, I ... Читать далее...
35. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceA guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, «Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!» The driver of Rolls looks ... Читать далее...
36. Business one-liners 01A President of a democracy is a man who is always ready, willing, and able to lay down your life for his country. A backscratcher will always find new itches; a brown-noser will always find new sense. A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. A bird in the bush usually ... Читать далее...
37. A bloke wakes up in the middle of the nightA bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife’s throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, «What the fuck are you doing?» «Just giving you an aspirin for your headache.» The bloke answered. «But I ain’t got a headache,» she yelled ... Читать далее...
38. Little Gregory wakes up in the middle of the nightLittle Gregory wakes up in the middle of the night feeling alone and scared. He goes into his mother’s room for comfort and he sees his mom standing naked in front of the mirror. She is rubbing her chest and groaning, «I want a man, I want a man.» Shaking his head in bewilderment, Gregory ... Читать далее...
39. Retire Aged Personell EarlyTO ALL MCCCD EMPLOYEES FROM GOVERNING BORED DATE 22 APR 1986 1. As a result of the HAYZE mismanagement study, we must drastically cut most salaries and reduce our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will go on early retirement, thus permitting management to focus its abuse on younger employees who represent our ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова attitudeAttitude — позиция, отношение Перевод слова Attitude of mind — склад ума conscientious attitude — сознательное отношение lukewarm attitude — равнодушное отноше You need to change your bad Attitude. Вы должны изменить свое плохое отношение. His Attitude towards women really scares me. Его отношение к женщинам меня действительно пугает. His Attitude was forbidding. Он держал ... Читать далее...