A man comes to a doctor and

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1. A young mother paying a visit to a doctorA young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, «I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.» «No,» said the doctor calmly, ... Читать далее...
2. A stuttering problemA man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this ... Читать далее...
3. 97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed. He says «Doc, I think I’m impotent.» Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire. How the ... Читать далее...
4. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
5. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
6. A man calls his family doctorA man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
7. A doctor, an engineer, and a politicianA doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. «Well,» argued the doctor, «without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession.» «No,» said the engineer, «before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create ... Читать далее...
8. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wifeA concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, «Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.» «Well,» the doctor replied, «go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say ... Читать далее...
9. Where are the fingers?Jon’s working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room. The doctor says, «Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.» Jon says, «I haven’t got the fingers.» The doctor says, «What do ... Читать далее...
10. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
11. Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and saidMrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said «Please give me a prescription for the Pill.» «I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.» «It relaxes me.» «But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for relaxing,» exclaimed the physician. «I know,» said Mrs Ogden, «but my daughter dates, and every ... Читать далее...
12. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problemA young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front ... Читать далее...
13. Perfectly healthy«Doctor,» the embarrassed man said, «I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore. «Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.» The next day, the worried fellow returned with his wife. «Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,» the medic said. «Now ... Читать далее...
14. No symptomsDoctor, the embarrassed man said, «I have a sexual problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore. «Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do.» The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. «Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas,» the medic said. «Now ... Читать далее...
15. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthdayAn eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, ... Читать далее...
16. Michael Jackson and the doctorMichael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, «How long before we can have sex?» The doctor says, «At least wait until he’s walking.»...
17. A Visit to the DoctorGoing to the doctor is never Particularly pleasant for me. But I couldn’t Put it off Any longer. It was time for my Annual physical, and there was no Getting around it. So I picked up the phone and called for an appointment. «I’d like to see Dr. Shimoya next week, please, if that’s possible,» ... Читать далее...
18. This man goes into the doctor with hisThis man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: «What happened to you?» He says: «I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!» Doctor: «But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!» He says «Aah ... Читать далее...
19. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cakeFor his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: «You are not getting older, You are just getting better.» When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, «Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.» It wasn’t until the ... Читать далее...
20. A man went to the doctor for a check upA man went to the doctor for a check up. «How do you feel?» asked the doctor. «Fine.» he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, «How many times do you have sex per month?» «About two or three.» the man replied. «You should be doing better than that.» the doctor ... Читать далее...
21. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
22. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longerWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife ... Читать далее...
23. Doctor’s complimentA lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: — Madam, you have acute appendicitis. — Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
24. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory testThree elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, «What is three times three?» «274,» was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, «It’s your turn. What is three times three?» «Tuesday,» replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, «Okay, ... Читать далее...
25. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
26. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctorA man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says «Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.» The Doctor says «Why?!? Is she sexually active?» The guy says «Nah, she just lies there like her mother.» Sent by soh...
27. Перевод слова doctorDoctor — врач, доктор Перевод слова To call a doctor — вызвать врача doctor’s degree — докторская степень to go to the doctor’s — пойти к врачу My head reels, Doctor. Доктор, у меня кружится голова. Let me by, I’m a Doctor. Пропустите меня, я доктор. You want to see a Doctor. Тебе следует показаться ... Читать далее...
28. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors officeA couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, «What can I do for you?» The man said, «Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?» The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, «There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.» And he then charged ... Читать далее...
29. A construction worker goes to the doctor and saysA construction worker goes to the doctor and says, «Doc, I’m constipated.» The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, «Lean over the table.» The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a ... Читать далее...
30. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
31. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
32. A man goes to the doctorA man goes to the doctor and says, «Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.» The doctor asks, «What do you mean?» The man says, «When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee — OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.» The doctor says, «I know what’s wrong ... Читать далее...
33. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be doneAunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. «It’s terrible,» she said, «I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.» «I see. Have you done anything about it?» asked the doctor. «Naturally,» she replied, «I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at ... Читать далее...
34. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
35. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
36. A blonde with two red ears went to her doctorA blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, «I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang — but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.» «Oh Dear!» the ... Читать далее...
37. Health Insurance PlansAt my company, I have a choice of health insurance plans. We can pick between HMOs and PPOs, and I have been with the same Managed health plan for the past few years. It’s the plan that has the lowest Co-pays and the best Coverage, and the network of doctors is fairly large. The Drug ... Читать далее...
38. Play doctorSteve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. «Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?» «Sounds great,» Steve replied, «but how do you make it last for an hour?» «Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for ... Читать далее...
39. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctorSteve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, «Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.» Steve says, «Will that keep me from getting sick?» The doctor says, «No, but it’ll look real pretty in the ... Читать далее...
40. The general went to the doctor for a physicalThe general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions — age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. ‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’ ‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked. ‘I ... Читать далее...