A man and his date walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive

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1. A man walks into a jewellers shop A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: “I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.” “Well, put two hands and a face on this.” replies the man....
2. Перевод слова owner Owner – владелец, собственник Перевод слова Joint owner – совладелец right owner – законный владелец the owner of a car – владелец автомобиля I met the Owner of the local hotel. Я встретил владельца местного отеля. The Owner’s mark was on all the sheep. Клеймо владельца стояло на всех овцах. The Owner is having to […]...
3. Communication problem There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and they lived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. […]...
4. Asking About Business Hours Store owner: Hello. Karin: Hello, is this Joe’s Shoe Repair? Store owner: Yes, how can I help you? Karin: I’m calling to find out your Business hours. Store owner: We’re open 24/7. Karin: Really? You’re open 24 hours a day, Seven days a week? Store owner: Yes, we are, More often than not. Of course […]...
5. Значение идиомы lady of the house [lady of the house] {n. phr.} Female owner, or wife of the owner, of the house; the hostess. “Dinner is served,” the lady of thehouse announced to her guests....
6. Значение идиомы blue Monday [blue Monday] {n.} A Monday when you have to work after a happy weekend. It was blue Monday and John nodded sleepily over his books. Housewives sometimes wish they could sleep through blue Monday....
7. I have a magical dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they […]...
8. A dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they […]...
9. Значение идиомы show one’s face [show one’s face] {v. phr.} To be seen; appear. Bill is afraidto show his face since Tom threatened to beat him up. Judy is awonderful mimic but she is too shy to show her face on stage. After cheating on the test, Chris was ashamed to show his face....
10. A man takes his dog for a walk in the park A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, “Man, I sure wish I could do that.” The dog […]...
11. Значение идиомы face [face] See: BLUE IN THE FACE, CUT OFF ONE’S NOSE TO SPITE ONE’SFACE, FLY IN THE FACE OF, HATCHET FACE, HIDE ONE’S FACE, IN ONE’SFACE, IN THE FACE OF, LONG FACE, LOOK IN THE EYE or LOOK IN THE FACE, MAKE A FACE, ON THE FACE OF IT, SAVE FACE, SET ONE’S FACE AGAINST, SHOOT […]...
12. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he thinks. “How in the world does that fit in here?” So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, “How in the world did this place […]...
13. The Amazing Flying Dog A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, “I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him.” With that, he disappears into […]...
14. The Ideal Date IDEAL DATE At 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25 “Split the check before we go back to my place” 35 “Just come over.” 48 “Just come over and cook.” 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas....
15. What is your name Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.” “Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How in hell does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind […]...
16. Our next targets Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known Hussein family members are coming to the attention of American authorities. Among the brothers: —————— Sooflay…………………..the restauranteur Guday……………………. the half-Australian brother Huray……………………. the sports fanatic Bejay……………………..the gay brother Kuntay & Kintay…………….the twins from the African mother Sayhay…………………….the baseball player Ojay………………………the stalker / […]...
17. Перевод слова wonderful Wonderful – замечательный, удивительный, поразительный Перевод слова There is a wonderful likeness – сходство поразительное you look wonderful – вы выглядите великолепно how wonderful! – замечательно!, чудесно! As a writer, he’s Wonderful. Как писатель он великолепен. He can write Wonderful anacreontics. Ему прекрасно удается любовная лирика. It was just Wonderful to see her again. Было […]...
18. Judy arrived home from her date Judy arrived home from her date, tossed her coat over a chair, her handbag over the banister, she threw her clothes around the bedroom without care. The next morning at breakfast, her mother asked her if she had a good time? “Oh”, sighed Judy, “I had a wonderful time.” “I thought as much”, her mother […]...
19. Asking for a Date I Admit it. I’m a Player. I work in an office where there are a lot of Attractive women. Take Debra, for example. I heard that she just Broke up with her boyfriend last week so I decided to ask her out. Liam: Hi, Debra. How’s it going? Debra: Okay, I guess. How about you? […]...
20. Значение идиомы clear up [clear up] {v.} 1. To make plain or clear; explain; solve. The teacher cleared up the harder parts of the story. Maybe we can clear up your problem. 2. To become clear. The weather cleared up after the storm. 3. To cure. The pills cleared up his stomach trouble. 4. To put back into a […]...
21. A very modest lady applied for a job A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made “Tickle me Elmo dolls”. It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls […]...
22. A middle manager is called into his bosses office A middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. “Downsizing.” He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he […]...
23. Перевод слова Monday Monday – Понедельник Перевод слова On Monday – в понедельник Monday feeling – нежелание работать (после воскресенья) Black Monday – первый день занятий после каникул from Monday through Friday – с понедельника по пятницу Monday is awkward for me. Мне неудобен понедельник. Tuesday always follows Monday. Вторник всегда следует за понедельником. I’ll give you a […]...
24. Starting a New Workweek Naomi: Wow, you look like you had a Rough weekend. A little too much Partying, huh? Aaron: You said it. I’m planning To ease into the new Workweek. I need time To chill and to recover. Could you Take a meeting this morning with our new client? Naomi: What will you do? Aaron: I’ll be […]...
25. Значение идиомы walk the plank [walk the plank] {v. phr.} 1. To walk off a board extended over theside of a ship and be drowned. The pirates captured the ship andforced the crew to walk the plank. 2. {informal} To resign from a jobbecause someone makes you do it. When a new owner bought the store, the manager had to […]...
26. I wrote it! There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, “I’ve never seen you in her before.” The guy says, “Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing […]...
27. Willy’s rolling down the hall of a retirement home Willy’s rolling down the hall of a retirement home acting like he’s driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he’s doing. Willy replies, “I’m going to Chicago for the weekend.” The orderly chuckles and enters Bob’s room to check on him. He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he […]...
28. My girlfriend is out in the car A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender […]...
29. Перевод идиомы up-to-date / up to date, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: up-to-date / up to date Перевод: современный, отвечающий последним требованиям Пример: The kitchen in our apartment is not up-to-date at all. Кухня в нашей квартире совсем не современная....
30. This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. “What the hell is your problem?” the lady asked. “I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,” the man moaned. The lady reached […]...
31. An artist asked the gallery owner An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told […]...
32. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter […]...
33. Значение идиомы walk the chalk [walk the chalk] or [walk the chalk line] or [walk the chalk mark]To act exactly as you are supposed to; behave properly; obey. Thatnew teacher really makes the students walk the chalk. In someclasses the students play and talk, but Mr. Parker makes them walk thechalk. That theater owner wants his place to be orderly, […]...
34. A little boy and his dad are standing in line A little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, “hey dad, look how fat that lady is!” “Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.” “But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!” “Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!” […]...
35. Разница в словоупотреблении между американским и британским английским Аббревиатуры В современном британском английском аббревиатуры обычно пишутся без точек, в то время, как в американском английском после аббревиатур ставятся точки. Mister = Mr = Mr. Doctor = Dr = Dr. Limited = Ltd = Ltd. Kilogram = Kg = Kg. All и all of, both и both of Если после местоимений All и All […]...
36. Перевод слова weekend Weekend – выходные Перевод слова A weekend bender – воскресная попойка weekend guest – гость, приехавший на выходные weekend father – “воскресный” папа I’m free next Weekend. Я свободен в ближайшие выходные. He spent a Weekend in London. Выходные он провел в Лондоне. I never work at the Weekend. Я никогда не работаю по выходным. […]...
37. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket please?” The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”. “Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man. […]...
38. Major Historical Periods Livy: Tell me again why we’re here on a Saturday afternoon. Nicholas: You’re going to love this Museum. It has Artifacts and Exhibits from all the major periods in history, from Prehistoric days to the present. Livy: Hmm, fascinating. Nicholas: It is, isn’t it? We follow thetimeline of human history from one room to the […]...
39. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says “Look Momma, I’m a white boy.” His mother slaps him hard On the face and says “Boy, go show your Daddy.” The […]...
40. Crying about life Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. “Well,” says the old fellow, “I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then […]...