A guy walks into a post office

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1. Sending out many cardsA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes ... Читать далее...
2. At the Post-OfficeВ топике На почте рассказывается, для каких целей существуют почтовые отделения. Вы узнаете, как нужно оформить посылку и как отправить письмо. If you want to buy stamps, postcards, envelopes, to send a telegram or money order, to subscribe to newspapers or magazines, you have to go to the post-office. At some post-offices there is a ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова post-officePost-office — почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official — почтовый чиновник post-office receipt — почтовая квитанция post-office box — абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach — почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp — дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где ... Читать далее...
4. At the Post-Office — На почтеI like to go to the post-office because post is one of the things that link people living in different cities and coun­tries. There are some counters at the post-office. At one of them you can buy envelopes, stamps, post cards. You can write a letter right there and post it or you can write ... Читать далее...
5. Going to the Post OfficeFor me, things never Go very Smoothly at my local post office. I’ve learned that if you want To mail a letter, you’ll have no problems. But if things get more complicated than that, well, Watch out! Yesterday I went there to mail a small package and to pick up a Book of stamps. I ... Читать далее...
6. Over the counterA middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, «Do you sell Viagra here?» The pharmacist answers ... Читать далее...
7. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
8. Buying Stamps at the Post OfficeClerk: Can I help you? Tamika: I’d like to buy some Stamps. Clerk: In what Denomination? Tamika: I’m not sure. I need them for sending regular letters and for Priority Mail. Clerk: The current Rate for sending a First-class letter is 41 cents. With first-class service, your letter will get there in three to seven ... Читать далее...
9. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
10. This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with aThis guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office with a concerned look on his face. «Doc,» he says, «I’m worried. It’s that dream. I’m having it again.» «What dream?» asked the shrink, not really paying attention. «You know,» says the man, «the one where I’m into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried or ... Читать далее...
11. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
12. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «На почте» (At the Post-Office)Good morning! Good morning, sir! What can I do for you? I need 20 airmail stamps for America and 20 envelopes, please. OK. Here you are. That’s 10 dollars. Thanks. And I’d like to send a letter to Brazil by registered mail, please. Is it possible to do that? Yes, sure. But you should know ... Читать далее...
13. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
14. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugsA woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and ... Читать далее...
15. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum withLittle Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks «What’s that mum? » His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, «That’s where your dad accidentially hit me ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова postPost — сообщение, почта Перевод слова By return of post — с обратной почтой by registered post — заказным письмом military post — полевая почта I took the letter to the Post. Я отнес письмо на почту. I’ll send the book to you by Post. Я пошлю тебе эту книгу по почте. The letter came ... Читать далее...
17. Welfare officeA young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, «Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, «Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his ... Читать далее...
18. Edward walks out of a barEdward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. «Can I help you, fella?», asks the cop. «Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!» Edward replies. The cop asks, «Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?». «It ... Читать далее...
19. A duck walks into a general storeA duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,»Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. We have only canned and dry goods.» The next day, the duck returns. «Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If ... Читать далее...
20. A woman walks into a tattoo parlourA woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down ... Читать далее...
21. Bush as a post turtleWhile suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90 year old man (he got his hand caught in a gate while working his cattle)a doctor and the old man were discussing Bush’s health care reform ideas. The old man said «Well, ya know, old Bush is a post turtle». So, not knowing what he ... Читать далее...
22. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
23. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DCGeorge W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. «I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,» answers the President. «But sir, what about the mad cow?!!» asks the waiter. «Oh,» answers Dubya, «she’ll order for herself.»...
24. A dog walks into a butcher shopA dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter ... Читать далее...
25. A man walks into a jewellers shopA man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: «I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.» «Well, put two hands and a face on this.» replies the man....
26. Перевод слова middleMiddle — середина Перевод слова In the middle of — посреди, посередине middle-aged man — человек среднего возраста the middle orders — средние слои общества I’m in the Middle of writing a letter. Я как раз сейчас пишу письмо. He was standing in the Middle of the room. Он стоял посреди комнаты. You must steer ... Читать далее...
27. A middle manager is called into his bosses officeA middle manager is called into his bosses office on a Monday morning. He is told he has to get rid of one employee in his department by the next Monday. «Downsizing.» He’s really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn’t seem fair. So for the next 2 days he ... Читать далее...
28. A man walks into a pubThe following was contributed by Emil: A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman, «cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and it was great! — I’ll have a large whiskey please, barman.» The man takes his whiskey and downs it. «Same again?» asks the barman. «Okay» ... Читать далее...
29. Guy goes to hell and is met by the devilGuy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room ... Читать далее...
30. A customer walks into a pharmacyA customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he ... Читать далее...
31. Two law partners leave their office and go to lunchTwo law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. «Damn,» he says. «I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.» His partner replies » What are you worried about? We’re both here.»...
32. Перевод слова pinkPink — розовый Перевод слова Pink grapefruit — розовый грейпфрут bright pink — ярко-розовый цвет cameo pink — светло-розовый Pink’s a girlie colour! Розовый — девчачий цвет! A straw bonnet with Pink ribbons. Соломенная шляпка с розовыми лентами. A Pink flush overspread her face. Она залилась ярким румянцем....
33. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really badA man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says «I have some bad news. You have HAGS.» «What is HAGS» the man asks. «It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis» says the doctor. «Oh my God» says the man. «What are you ... Читать далее...
34. A man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrowA man walks into a bank and says he wants to borrow $200 for six months. The loan officer asks him what kind of collateral he has. The man says ‘I’ve got a Rolls Royce — keep it until the loan is paid off — here are the keys.’ Six months later the man comes ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы from pillar to post[from pillar to post] {adv. phr.} From one place to another manytimes. Sarah’s father changed jobs several times a year, and thefamily was moved from pillar to post....
36. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
37. Перевод слова officeOffice — офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office — судебная должность holder of an office — должностное лицо lawyer’s office — адвокатская контора editorial office — редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
38. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
39. A waitress walks up to one of her tables inA waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating. She yells, «What the hell do you guys think you are doing?» One of the Japanese men explains, «Can’t you see? We are all berry hungry.» The waitress ... Читать далее...
40. A man walks into a bar and orders two drinksA man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. As the bartender watches he drinks one drink and pours the other one on his hand. He orders two more drinks and does the same thing. The third time the bartender asks him what’s going on. «Why are you pouring that drink on your hand»? ... Читать далее...