A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right

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1. Brand new A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, “How bad is it doc? I’m going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin.” The doc said, […]...
2. Incredible golf ball A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, “Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!” The golfer, annoyed, says, “What is it?” “It’s a special golf ball,” says the salesman. “You can never lose […]...
3. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I […]...
4. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, […]...
5. Перевод слова impressive Impressive – впечатляющий, выразительный Перевод слова Impressive book – книга, производящая глубокое впечатление impressive building – величественное здание impressive gesture – выразительный жест They register an Impressive victory. На их счету впечатляющая победа. The front of the museum is very Impressive. Главный фасад музея впечатляет. Her prescience as an investor is Impressive. Ее инстинкт вкладчика […]...
6. Перевод слова honeymoon Honeymoon – медовый месяц Перевод слова To be on honeymoon – проводить медовый месяц to go for a honeymoon – поехать в свадебное путешествие honeymoon couple – молодожены, совершающие свадебное путешествие The neoteric fashion of spending a Honeymoon on the railway. Новая мода проводить медовый месяц в путешествии по железной дороге. They plan to Honeymoon […]...
7. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year […]...
8. A young man asks his father A young man asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?” The father, surprised, answers: “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, […]...
9. Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in […]...
10. Значение идиомы honeymoon is over [honeymoon is over] The first happy period of friendship andcooperation between two persons or groups is over. A few monthsafter a new President is elected, the honeymoon is over and Congressand the President begin to criticize each other. The honeymoon wassoon over for the new foreman and the men under him....
11. Перевод идиомы get the ball rolling / set the ball rolling / start the ball rolling, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: get the ball rolling / set the ball rolling / start the ball rolling Перевод: начать действовать, запустить процесс Пример: If we start the ball rolling I’m sure the others will help us with this project. Если мы начнем действовать, я уверен, что другие помогут нам с проектом....
12. Experiencing Dread Brianna: Are you still here? I thought you left ages ago. Viktor: There’s no rush. I’m thinking of Postponing until tomorrow. Brianna: Why? Viktor: I feel a sense of Foreboding. I have a Sneaking suspicion that things aren’t going to go well. Brianna: Under the circumstances, I can understand your Reluctance, but it’s like Ripping […]...
13. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back […]...
14. A man was playing a game of golf A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says “thank […]...
15. Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport Three Hells Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, “I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got rat-arsed.” Being quick on the uptake the second one says, ” […]...
16. A Marriage Proposal I I have been trying to Get up the nerve to ask my girlfriend to Marry me. We have been dating for almost a year and I think she’s The one. I went shopping for Engagement Rings and really hated the experience. I wasn’t sure what kind of ring she’d like and it took me a […]...
17. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an […]...
18. Перевод слова marry Marry – жениться Перевод слова To marry off a daughter – выдать дочь замуж to marry legally – жениться по закону marry beneath one – вступить в неравный брак I will never Marry you! Я никогда не женюсь на тебе! I asked her to Marry me. Я попросил ее выйти за меня замуж. She consented […]...
19. Пословица / поговорка it takes all kinds to make a world / it takes all sorts to make a world – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: it takes all kinds to make a world / it takes all sorts to make a world Перевод: люди всякие бывают; все люди разные Эквивалент в русском языке: о вкусах не спорят Пример: The woman was wearing very strange clothes. It seems that it takes all kinds to make a world. Эта […]...
20. Love Love is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone “What is love?”, he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There is love for parents, love for children, love for […]...
21. Marriage Proposal Part II I had been Stressing out about it for a couple of weeks. How do I ask my girlfriend to marry me? We were getting some dinner at a Fast food restaurant before going to the movies. Fiona: Tell me the truth. What’s up with you lately? Doug: Me? Nothing. Why do you ask? Fiona: You […]...
22. Значение идиомы side against [side against] {v.} To join or be on the side that is against;disagree with; oppose. Bill and Joe sided against me in theargument. We sided against the plan to go by plane. Contrast:SIDE WITH....
23. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
24. The Speed of Time by Age 0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going to Albania – by covered wagon. Most common phrase: “Is it Christmas yet?” 10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks actually move backwards just before the bell rings. 20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and […]...
25. Three Chinese daughters A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry. “I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest”, said the eldest daughter. He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. “I would like to marry a […]...
26. Obey the speed limit Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are […]...
27. Пословица / поговорка more haste, less speed – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: more haste, less speed Перевод: тише едешь, дальше будешь Эквивалент в русском языке: поспешишь – людей насмешишь Пример: The man was in a hurry to finish work but he made many mistakes and had to repeat some things again. This proved to him that more haste equals less speed. Этот человек спешил […]...
28. Пословица / поговорка live high off the hog / eat high off the hog – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: live high off the hog / eat high off the hog Перевод: жить в роскоши; жить припеваючи Эквивалент в русском языке: как сыр в масле кататься Пример: I have been living high off the hog since I got my new job with its high salary. С тех пор, как я получил свою […]...
29. It is all in the money A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, we wouldn’t be here at all!” The wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, […]...
30. A man takes his sick dog to the vet A man takes his sick dog to the vet. The vet lifts the dog onto the the operating table, looks down and says “Say ahhhhhhhhhhh!” The man looks at the vet and says “The dog can’t speak”. The vet says to the man “I was talking to YOU. The dog, s dead!!! Sent by Peter...
31. A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. “don’t worry, ya,” he said. “I’ll pack some more trays and have them […]...
32. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
33. The South Takes a Cue from Oakland Everyone is familiar with the plan to teach Ebonics in such leftist enclaves as California and Massachusetts. “Ebonics,” a neologism created by combining “Ebony” and “phonics,” is supposed to be the language of the untermenschen, the urban underclass. Here in the South, we have a similar movement, called “Bubbonics!” Created from mixing “Bubba” and “phonics,” […]...
34. Footless Parrot A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots. As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet. Surprised […]...
35. A man takes his dog for a walk in the park A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he’s there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, “Man, I sure wish I could do that.” The dog […]...
36. Here is this guy who really takes care of his body Here is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decies to do something about it. He goes to the […]...
37. A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, “If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he’s the one who shot it. Otherwise, he’ll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it.” The guy goes […]...
38. Man takes the ferry home from work John Smith lived in Staten Island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, so John decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. […]...
39. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.” The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?” The guy says “Nah, she just lies there like her mother.” Sent by soh...
40. A man had been drinking at the bar for hours A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the […]...