A group of Americans was touring Ireland
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. “Good luck will be followin’ ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,”the guide said. “Unfortunately, it’s being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.”
“We can’t be here tomorrow,” the nasty woman shouted. “We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can’t kiss the stupid stone.”
“Well now,” the guide said, “it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you’ll have the same good fortune.”
“And I suppose you’ve kissed the stone,” the woman scoffed.
“No, ma’am,” the frustrated guide said, “but I’ve sat on it.”
Related topics:
- Touring Celebrity Homes and Filming Locations Tour guide: Welcome to Hollywood Tours, everybody. I’m your Tour guide for today, and I’ll be showing you some of the most Memorable locations in Hollywood history. Every seat in this Double-decker bus is a good one, and you’ll be able to see every Landmark we drive by. Uh, do you have a question? Elvira: […]...
- Missing the Tour Group Bus Kelly: Where is everybody? Man: Excuse me? Were you talking to me? Kelly: Oh, no. I was just Talking to myself. Our Tour group was supposed To rendezvous here at five o’clock for our Return trip to the hotel. But there’s No trace of the bus and I don’t see any other people from my […]...
- Touring South America A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist […]...
- A Complaint Letter to a Tour Company To Whom It May Concern: I am writing Regarding a tour that my wife and I took with your company on February 26, 2006. The Brochure Stated that we Would see some of the most interesting Sights of the city. Since we had visited the city before, we looked forward to seeing some new Attractions. […]...
- A group of third, fourth and fifth graders A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with […]...
- Перевод слова tour Tour – тур, поездка, экскурсия Перевод слова Tour guide – экскурсовод inspection tour – инспекционная поездка tour operator – тур-оператор to operate a tour – проводить экскурсию We’ll Tour the museum tomorrow. Завтра мы пойдем на экскурсию в музей. And then he Toured home. А затем он отправился домой. The idea was to Tour the […]...
- Taking a Campus Tour Ji Won: Come on, Dad, the Campus tour starts over there. The Guide is ready to begin the Walking tour. Guide: Welcome, Prospective students and your parents. My name is Jaime and I’ll be conducting your tour today. This tour will last about an hour, and we’ll be making frequent Stops so I can Point […]...
- Перевод слова group Group – группа, группировать Перевод слова A group of people – группа людей study group – учебная группа bronze group – скульптурная группа в бронзе Different flowers can be Grouped together to make a colourful display. Различные цветы могут быть собраны вместе, чтобы придать красочный вид. Spectators Grouped in twos. Зрители встали парами. The Group […]...
- A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you […]...
- Перевод слова kiss Kiss – поцелуй Перевод слова Deep kiss – глубокий поцелуй, французский поцелуй to kiss the hare’s foot – поцеловать порог, опоздать to throw a kiss – послать воздушный поцелуй Give us a Kiss. Поцелуй меня. She Kissed him goodnight. Она поцеловала его на ночь. Kiss my ass! Поцелуй меня в задницу! Интересные факты KISS – […]...
- Describing Position and Location Within a Group Selena: Don’t look now, but a big group of mothers are coming to this house To give you a piece of their mind. Justin: What?! I meant it as a joke. I Didn’t mean anything by it. Selena: You’ll have to tell that to Sally. She’s At the head of the group and she’s Flanked […]...
- Joining a Tour Darrel: What are you looking at? Alice: Tours for our vacation. I was thinking that it’d be hard for us to get around on our own, so I think joining a tour is a good idea. Darrel: Really? I thought we’d Make our way around Leisurely to see the Sites. I don’t like the fast […]...
- An 18th-century vagabond in England An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: “George and the Dragon.” He knocked. The Innkeeper’s wife stuck her head out a window. “Could ye spare some victuals?” The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. “No!” she shouted. “Could I have a pint of ale?” […]...
- Перевод слова nasty Nasty – противный, мерзкий, неприятный Перевод слова Nasty story – непристойный анекдот nasty little house – скверный маленький домишко nasty wound – неприятная рана What’s that Nasty smell? Что это за противный запах? He is Nasty to everyone. Он со всеми ведет себя как свинья. This milk must be bad, it’s giving off a Nasty […]...
- Latex factory A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking […]...
- Tour near glaciers The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual guide and his response to questions. Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking […]...
- Now he’s in trouble A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, “what’s the problem officer?” To which the policeman responded, “I stopped you for running that red light behind you.” Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and […]...
- A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in […]...
- A group of cowboys were branding some cattle A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cook saw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner he cooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking and ignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, “Did I screw up the […]...
- A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group A young boy on his way home from school must pass by a group of hookers. Everyday as he passes them, the hookers wave at him with their pinkies and say “Hi there little boy!!” One day the boy stops and asks one of the hookers why they always wave at him with their pinkies. […]...
- Значение идиомы pressure group [pressure group] {n. phr.} An organization whose goal it is tocreate changes by lobbying for the benefit of its own members. Certain unscrupulous pressure groups stop at nothing to achieve theirselfish aims....
- Clean Ireland Humor An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both […]...
- People of Different Ages Gloria: I’m surprised at the variety of people on this tour. Andy: Oh, yeah? I hadn’t noticed. Gloria: Well, we’ll be spending the next two weeks with these people so I thought I’d get to know some of them. Andy: That’s nice. Gloria: Did you see that thirty-something couple with a Toddler and an Infant? […]...
- An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, “I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a […]...
- Значение идиомы stone [stone] See: CAST THE FIRST STONE, HAVE A HEART OF STONE, KILL TWOBIRDS WITH ONE STONE, LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED, PEOPLE WHO LIVE INGLASS HOUSES SHOULD NOT THROW STONES, ROLLING STONE GATHERS NO MOSS....
- Перевод слова guide Guide – гид, экскурсовод; справочник; направлять, руководить Перевод слова Museum guide – музейный гид, экскурсовод to guide the state – руководить государством to guide the steps of smb. – направлять чьи-л. шаги postal guide – почтовый справочник The feelings are dangerous Guides. Чувства – опасные советчики. The stars will Guide us back. На обратном пути […]...
- Перевод слова stupid Stupid – глупый, бестолковый Перевод слова Stupid blunder – глупая ошибка stupid jackass – тупой осел plumb stupid – абсолютно тупой He understands – he’s not Stupid. Он понимает – он вовсе не дурак. I was Stupid to agree. Я согласился по глупости. She annoyed him with her Stupid questions. Она раздражала его своими глупыми […]...
- Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
- A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about the way of life there. REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I’m from the BBC and I’m gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish […]...
- A great way to spend eternity A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. “How awful!” exclaimed the wife. “Si, but what a great way to […]...
- Traveling on the train There was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the […]...
- Irish Pub Jokes Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, “Where are we now?” The guide said, “We’re in the great state of Texas.” “It’s a big place,” said Murphy. The […]...
- ‘Missing’ woman unknowingly joins search for herself A woman who was reported missing from an Icelandic tour unwittingly joined a search for herself. According to the Reykjavik Grapevine, a woman described as “Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well” was listed as missing Saturday near the Eldgjá volcanic canyon in southern Iceland. A search continued through the weekend with […]...
- A ventriloquist was driving in the country A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to a large farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he’d have some fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the […]...
- A widow was feeling rather lonely A widow was feeling rather lonely and decided that the best thing for her would be to have a companion. So, off she went to the pet shop. She wasn’t sure just what kind of pet she’d like, so she figured she’d just walk around until she found just the ‘right one.’ She went past […]...
- Jokes about Ireland 2 Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Joey-Jim asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” he replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
- Humor about Ireland 2 Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. “Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin – but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is […]...
- Перевод слова guess Guess – гадать, догадываться, предполагать Перевод слова Scientific guess – научное предположение guess who did it! – догадайтесь, кто это сделал! I can guess your answer – я предвижу ваш ответ We may only Guess when it all began. Можно только догадываться, когда все это началось. I’d Guess she is thirty-something. Ей, наверное, немного за […]...
- Ireland monument to Choctaw Nation finished Got word from a reader today that a sculpture made in honor of a donation from the Choctaw Nation to the people of Ireland in 1847 has been finished and is now on display in Bailic Park in Middleton, a small town of 12,000 not far from Ireland’s southern coast in County Cork. The backstory […]...
- Значение идиомы kiss someone [kiss someone] or [something goodbye] {v. phr.} To lose or give upsomeone or something forever. “If you won’t marry Jane,” Peter saidto Tom, “you might as well kiss her goodbye.” People who bet on alosing horse at the races might as well kiss their money goodbye....