A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American

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1. The Frenchman and the ItalianThe Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods hunting together when suddenly a voluptuous blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude. «Would I love to eat that? Oui, oui!» the Frenchman said, smacking his lips. So the Italian shot her....
2. Two friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boyTwo friends, an Italian boy and a Jewish boy, come of age at the same time. The Italian boy’s father presents him with a new pistol. On the other side of town, at his bar Mitzvah, the Jewish boy receives a beautiful gold watch. The next day at school, the two boys are showing each ... Читать далее...
3. A rural Frenchman was on trialA rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot her instead of her lover, he replied, «Ah, m’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a different man every week?»...
4. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President ClintonJerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied ... Читать далее...
5. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of workA Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said «Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.» The Italian said «That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова ItalianItalian — итальянский; итальянец, итальянка Перевод слова Appetence for the Italian art — приверженность итальянскому искусству Italian roof — архит. покатая крыша the Italians — итальянцы He prefers shoes of Italian derivation. Он предпочитает туфли итальянского производства. Miss pronounces Italian very Americanly. Мисс произносит итальянские слова слишком по-американски. It is his Italian accent that distinguishes ... Читать далее...
7. The American in Hong KongThe American in Hong Kong was talking to his wife one evening over supper. «Get this…» he chuckled, «That ridiculous janitor of ours claims he’s made love to every woman in the building except one.» «Hmmmmmmmmm,» said his wife, assuming a thoughtful faraway type expression, «must be that stuck-up Mrs. Stewart on the eighth floor.»...
8. Murphy’s Travel LawsMurphy Laws For Frequent Flyers No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. ... Читать далее...
9. Silent treatmentA man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and ... Читать далее...
10. A bus stops and two Italian men get onA bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: «Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two ... Читать далее...
11. Getting In-Flight ServiceI pushed the Call button to get the attention of the Flight attendant. Flight attendant: Yes? What can I do for you? Hal: It’s very cold in the Cabin. Is it possible to get a Blanket? Flight attendant: We’re out of blankets, but here’s a Pillow. Hal: Okay, thanks. I was asleep during the Meal ... Читать далее...
12. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
13. An old italian couple is walking around in the mallAn old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: «Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He’s got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?» The saleswoman answers that she hasn’t seen her ... Читать далее...
14. Marriage quotes 04A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. — Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married — but his wife wasn’t. — Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist ... Читать далее...
15. A painful adjustmentAdjusting to marriage sometimes poses some unexpected problems. But when I came upon a friend of mine in a bar the night after his wedding, I had ask exactly what he was doing there instead of with his new bride. «Well, you see, this morning when I got up,» he said, «I was barely awake ... Читать далее...
16. Italian teenagers get €500 ‘culture bonus’From November 3rd, every Italian teen celebrating their 18th birthday before December 31st 2016 can claim €500 from the government, to spend on cultural items. Every Italian resident from the class of 1998 — a total of 574,000 — can claim their ‘culture bonus’, which they can use to buy books, concert tickets, theatre tickets, ... Читать далее...
17. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seatedA girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: «So, where y’all from?» The New York girl said, «From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.» The ... Читать далее...
18. Family sexTO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова AmericanAmerican — американский, американец Перевод слова American states — американские государства; страны американского континента American colonies — английские колонии в Северной Америке of American make — американского производства Her mother is American. Ее мать — американка. She spoke with an American accent. Она говорила с американским акцентом. Интересные факты Обратите внимание, что в английском языке ... Читать далее...
20. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
21. What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?What’s the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother? An Italian mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill you.» A Jewish mother says, «If you don’t eat it, I’ll kill myself.»...
22. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they wereThree guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and ... Читать далее...
23. English vs EbonicsEnglish: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are cruising at flight level three five zero, feel free to move about the cabin, also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, so just sit back and enjoy the rest ... Читать далее...
24. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors officeA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, «If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die». 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, ... Читать далее...
25. American Food and DrinksТопик Американская еда и напитки рассказывает, что же именно считать американской едой? Американская кухня сложилась из блюд народов, иммигрировавших в США: итальянцев, англичан, немцев, мексиканцев, китайцев и др. Поэтому сейчас американцы могут наслаждаться блюдами со всего мира. Некоторые оригинальные блюда претерпели изменения, например, донатсы (или пончики), гамбургеры и т. п. Америку можно назвать страной «фаст-фуда». ... Читать далее...
26. Better than SexA solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books. Rotated back ... Читать далее...
27. Iraqi vs. AmericanAverage Iraqi Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors Average American Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme park Average Iraqi Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation Average American Willing to participate in People’s Choice ... Читать далее...
28. British and American families — Британские и американские семьиBritish and American families are small. In fact the populations of both Britain and the USA have stopped growing. The typical family has a father, mother and two children. Grandparents come to visit, but do not usually live with their children. Most people get married between the ages of 20 and 23 but many marriages ... Читать далее...
29. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
30. The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full paradeThe Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. «Colonel!» he spat out. «Yes, general!» the colonel quavered. «Your troops, your troops,» stormed the general. «They look very nice, they stand ... Читать далее...
31. I think I try a nicer approachEvery night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let ... Читать далее...
32. Blind man and guide dog kicked off plane; passengers follow in supportUsually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight Wednesday night, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man ... Читать далее...
33. Two Italian construction workersTwo Italian construction workers were in the field on an extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other «hey how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?» pointing to the supervisor. The other says, «I don’t know, go ask him.» So Guido goes up to the ... Читать далее...
34. American Homes (2)Топик Американские дома (2) продолжает знакомить вас с многообразием домов для американцев. Многие предпочитают жить в своих домах в пригородах, где жизнь более размеренная и безопасная. Часто переезжая, американцы меняют дом раз в 5-6 лет. Кроме домов, квартир и кондоминиумов многие американцы живут в трейлерах, особенно малообеспеченные. The majority Americans live in or near large ... Читать далее...
35. An American was waiting on a London street cornerAn American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. «A bit airy, isn’t it?» remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, «‘Ell yes! What did you expect — feathers?!»...
36. RumpelstiltskinOnce there was a miller who was poor, but who had a beautiful daughter. Now it happened that he had to go and speak to the king, and in order to make himself appear important he said to him, «I have a daughter who can spin straw into gold.» The king said to the miller, ... Читать далее...
37. Traditional American Food — Традиционная американская едаAmericans eat a lot. They have three meals a day: breakfast, lunch and dinner. Most of Americans don’t eat home but prefer to go to restaurants. They can choose from many kind of restaurants. There is a great number of ethnic restaurants in the United States. Italian, Chinese and Mexican food is very popular. An ... Читать далее...
38. ‘Free’quent flier has wings clipped after American Airlines takes away his unlimited passHe’s the man who flew too much. Steve Rothstein bought a golden ticket from American Airlines in 1987 — granting him a lifetime of unlimited travel. He clocked more than 10 million miles and 10,000 flights. He used his power to fly hopeless strangers home, a friend to the Louvre, and a priest to Rome ... Читать далее...
39. The handsome American strode into a department store in ParisThe handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him. «Do you have something in mind?» she asked. «I certainly do, ma’am,» the American emphatically replied. «That’s why I want a ... Читать далее...
40. British and American FamiliesТопик Британские и американские семьи рассказывает, чем схожи и чем отличаются семьи в Англии и США. Как правило, семьи небольшие, и население обеих стран растет не из-за естественного прироста, а в результате иммиграции. Очень много неполных семей, образ жизни примерно одинаков, но семьи в Америке имеют больший доход, чем в Великобритании. British and American families ... Читать далее...