A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man

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1. Proctologists Of all the professions we fear, one stands out. No, it’s not “mortician;” by then it’s too late. This is a word that makes a certain part of our anatomy pucker in anticipation. Yes, the word is “proctologist;” the dreaded p-word! The mere mention of the word strikes terror deep inside most of us. 9 […]...
2. There was a young man in the Air Force There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well – endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were in the operating room to remedy the situation. The first doctor said, “We’ll just take a big hunk off the end.” They discussed it […]...
3. A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office A couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?” The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” And he then charged […]...
4. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by […]...
5. A young lady walks into a doctors office A young lady walks into a doctors office. “Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge” The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says “how does that feel?” Young lady, “Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!”...
6. Life Science Final Exam The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can’t […]...
7. Значение идиомы see better days [see better days] {v. phr.} 1. To enjoy a better or happier life. Mr. Smith is poor now, but he will see better days. 2. To becomeold, damaged, or useless. Used in the perfect tense. Mv blue coatis ten years old. It has seen better days. Our car wasn’t old, butit had seen better days....
8. Passing an exam Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking […]...
9. Значение идиомы one of these days [one of these days] or [some of these days] {adv. phr.} Someday;sometime soon. One of these days Herbert will be famous. I’mgoing to do that sewing some of these days....
10. An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
11. 51 DAYS 51 DAYS A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to th bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses […]...
12. Значение идиомы dog days [dog days] {n. phr.} The hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. “The dog days are upon us,” John said. “It’s time to go swimming in the lake.”...
13. Twelve days Microsoft Twelve days of Microsoft On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 2 GPFs, and Windows 95 for my PC On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 3 ports […]...
14. An old woman came into her doctors office An old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. “I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?” “Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three […]...
15. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.” “What is HAGS” the man asks. “It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis” says the doctor. “Oh my God” says the man. “What are you […]...
16. Back in the good ole days in Texas Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing […]...
17. Перевод сленгового выражения arse, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: arse Сленговое выражение: arse Груб. Перевод: зад, задница, жопа (в большинстве случаев может употребляться в тех же значениях, что и слово Ass) Пример: You can kick his arse. Можешь надрать ему задницу. She’s always terrible to have around, always being an arse. Когда она рядом, то это просто ужасно, она ведет себя, как […]...
18. Значение идиомы bent on [bent on] or [bent upon] Very decided, determined, or set. The sailors were bent on having a good time. The policeman saw some boys near the school after dark and thought they were bent on mischief. The bus was late, and the driver was bent upon reaching the school on time....
19. Значение идиомы days are numbered [days are numbered] does not have long to live or stay. The days of the old school building are numbered. When a man becomes ninety years old, his days are numbered....
20. A woman visits her physician A woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: “Well, what can I do for you madam?”. The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: “You can discuss any matter with […]...
21. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
22. Значение идиомы for days on end [for days on end] {adv. phr.} For a long time; for many days. The American tourists tried to get used to Scottish pronunciation fordays on end, but still couldn’t understand what the Scots weresaying....
23. Proctology findings This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it’s a little strange, so he pulls it […]...
24. During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. “Doctor,” she replied shyly, “I just can’t undress in front of you.” “All right,” said the physician, “I’ll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you’re through.” In a few moments, her voice rang out […]...
25. 12 days of Christmas December 14, 1998 Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised or pleased darling! With truly the deepest love, Agnes December 15, 1998 Dearest Dave, Today the postman brought me yet another of your […]...
26. 12 Days of Windows 95 On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . 2 GPFs and Windows 95 for my PC On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me. . . […]...
27. Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ________.” Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But […]...
28. Значение идиомы heavenly days! [heavenly days!] {interj.}, {informal} Exclamation of amazement anddisbelief with negative coloring. Heavenly days! Look whathappened! The dog did it again on the Persian carpet! Compare: GOODGRIEF!...
29. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
30. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, “Sol, I’m happy […]...
31. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
32. A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations. The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat […]...
33. Manly signs “Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “I think I’m turning into a man” then the doctor says, ” Now hold on little lady what makes you think that you’re turning into a man?” ” Well” said the woman “I’m starting to grow hair on my chest” and then the doctor asked, […]...
34. Перевод идиомы one of these days, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: one of these days Перевод: как-нибудь в будущем; в один из ближайших дней Пример: One of these days I am going to talk to my supervisor about moving to another department. Я собираюсь как-нибудь поговорить со своим менеджером о переводе в другое отделение....
35. Перевод идиомы dog days, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: dog days Перевод: самые жарки дни лета (обычно с начала июля по начало сентября) Пример: We like to watch baseball during the dog days of summer. В самые жаркие дни лета нам нравится смотреть бейсбол....
36. Three year old miracle girl found alive after 11 days in Siberian taiga – thanks to her puppy Her dog saved her by caring for Karina for nine days then returning home and guiding rescuers to her. Details are emerging today of the heroic rescue of the girl in the remote Sakha Republic, thanks to her loyal and loving dog. Karina Chikitova was huddled in tall grass after wandering away from home, apparently […]...
37. Reading Poor Handwriting Lily: Can you Make out what this says? Hassan: Geez, who wrote that? Lily: My doctor. She wrote down some instructions for me, but I can’t read her Handwriting. Hassan: I have no idea what that Chicken scratch says. Lily: I think that’s a “T,” but maybe it’s an “F.” Hassan: Face it. Those Scribbles […]...
38. Перевод идиомы good old days, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: good old days Перевод: прежние времена, которые были лучше, чем настоящие Пример: In the good old days people could buy a house easier than today. В былые времена дом можно было купить проще, чем сегодня....
39. Перевод идиомы (someone’s or something’s) days are numbered, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: (someone’s or something’s) days are numbered Перевод: дни (чего-то или кого-то) сочтены Пример: Our local cinema is struggling to survive, but it seems clear that its days are numbered. Наш местный кинотеатр делает все, чтобы не закрыться, но всем ясно, что его дни сочтены....
40. Appearance: Legs and Feet – Внешность: ноги и ступни At the hospital, Bill took off his sock and pulled his trouser leg up over his knee onto his thigh. The doctor looked down at the injured foot, which was already getting bigger and changing colour. “Hm. Nasty accident,” he said. “What happened?” “A skier smashed into my foot,” explained Bill. “Oh, dear. Very nasty. […]...