A closer call
The Pilots One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain: “You know, one of these days the passengers aren’t going to scream, and we’re gonna get killed!”
Related topics:
- Landing at a hidden military base You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The […]...
- Blind man and guide dog kicked off plane; passengers follow in support Usually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight Wednesday night, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man […]...
- Stuck in a plane George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush, Jr., are on board a small two seater plane when suddenly George Senior, the pilot, parachutes out of the plane. Not knowing how to fly, National Guard Service or not, a plane George, Jr., grabs the radio. “Mayday, mayday! My Dad just jumped out of the plane!” […]...
- В самолете (On an aeroplane), лексика и слова по теме A plane (an airplane, an aircraft) – самолет A flight – полет, авиарейс A direct flight – прямой рейс A long-haul flight – дальний рейс A delay – задержка Economy class – эконом класс Business class – бизнес класс A first-class section – кабина первого класса A cockpit – кабина самолета An emergency exit – […]...
- A photographer from a well known national magazine A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and […]...
- I am called a Princess The United Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that […]...
- Chinese learned this Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chiese lands. Top Ten Things The Chinese Have Learned By Examining Our […]...
- An easy solution On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, “I’m blonde; I’m beautiful; I’m going to New York; and I’m not moving.” Not wanting to argue […]...
- A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
- Pilot to tower Pilot to tower. . . pilot to tower. . . I am 300 miles from land. . . 600 feet over water. . . and running out of fuel. . . please instruct! Tower to pilot. . . tower to pilot. . . repeat after me: “Our Father, which art in heaven. . .”...
- Значение идиомы at one’s fingertips [at one’s fingertips] {adv. phr.} 1. Within easy reach; quickly touched; nearby. Seated in the cockpit, the pilot of a plane has many controls at his fingertips. 2. Readily usable as knowledge or skill; familiar. He had several languages at his fingertips. He had the whole design of the machine at his fingertips....
- Значение идиомы crash-dive [crash-dive] {v.} 1. To dive deep under water in a submarine as quickly as possible. We shall crash-dive if we see enemy planes coming. 2. To dive into in an airplane. When the plane’s motor was hit by the guns of the enemy battleship, the pilot aimed the plane at the ship and crash-dived into […]...
- Chinese plane crash Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands. In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the […]...
- Worries while flying Two statisticians were travelling in an airplane from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced that they had lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5 hours it would take 7 hours to get to New York. A little later, he announced that […]...
- A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
- Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. “Jazus Mick…Well have to turn […]...
- Talking on a plane The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual event that took place during a flight. As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. “Coming up on the right, you can […]...
- Значение идиомы take over [take over] {v.} 1a. To take control or possession of. Heexpects to take over the business when his father retires. 1b. Totake charge or responsibility. The airplane pilot fainted and hisco-pilot had to take over. 2. To borrow, imitate, or adopt. TheJapanese have taken over many European ways of life....
- Перевод слова airplane Airplane – самолет, аэроплан Перевод слова Airplane ambulance – санитарный самолет airplane luggage – чемоданы, сумки для авиапутешествий airplane is airborne – самолет находится в воздухе The Airplane landed to refuel. Самолет приземлился для дозаправки. An Airplane droned overhead. Самолет гудел над головой. Происхождение слова airplane Образовано от двух слов:...
- Murphy’s Travel Laws Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. […]...
- Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, “I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.” “Well ” says Chelsea, “you could throw […]...
- Значение идиомы peel off [peel off] {v.} To dive away from a group of airplanes in a flightformation; bring one plane down from a group. As the group nearedthe home base, pilot after pilot peeled off for a landing....
- Six people were on a plane Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, ” Save the children” The lawyer yells out “FUCK THE CHILDREN!” The priest yells out ” […]...
- Flying in the plane Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.” The years […]...
- Instrument Flying guide for Animal Lovers Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the “Cat and Duck Method” of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a […]...
- Перевод слова pilot Pilot – летчик, пилот, штурман; экспериментальный Перевод слова Airline pilot – летчик гражданской авиации fighter pilot – летчик-истребитель pilot lot – пробная партия pilot system – экспериментальная версия системы The Pilot gave the order to bomb up. Пилот отдал приказ загружать бомбы. The Pilot has logged 1200 flying hours. На счету этого пилота 1200 летных […]...
- Значение идиомы nose down [nose down] {v.}, {of an aircraft} To head down; bring down thenose of. The big airliner began to nose down for a landing. Thepilot nosed the plane down toward the runway....
- Bad luck finding a place to hide A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight.” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink […]...
- A helicopter was flying around above Seattle A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of aircraft’s electronic navigation and communication equipment. Due to the clouds and haze the pilot could not determine his position or course to steer to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritted sign […]...
- Значение идиомы get one’s feet wet [get one’s feet wet] {v. phr.}, {informal} To begin; do somethingfor the first time. The party was at Bill’s house and when Ruth andI got there the party had already started. “Jump right in and don’t beafraid to get your feet wet,” said Bill. “It’s not hard to danceonce you get your feet wet,” said […]...
- Woman is on a bus A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and […]...
- Значение идиомы call one’s bluff [call one’s bluff] {v. phr.}, {informal} To ask someone to prove what he says he can or will do. . Tom said he could jump twenty feet and so Dick called his bluff and said “Let’s see you do it!”...
- Значение идиомы foot [foot] See: AT ONE’S FEET, COLD FEET, DEAD ON ONE’S FEET, DRAGONE’S FEET, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, GET ONE’SFEET WET, HAND AND FOOT, KEEP ONE’S FEET, KNOCK OFF ONE’S FEET, LANDON ONE’S FEET, LET GRASS GROW UNDER ONE’S FEET, ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE, ON FOOT, ON ONE’S FEET, […]...
- Jump out of the plane An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one […]...
- Значение идиомы on the nose [on the nose] {adv. phr.}, {informal} Just right; exactly. Stanley hit the ball on the nose. The airplane pilot found thesmall landing field on the nose....
- Значение идиомы on one’s feet [on one’s feet] {adv. phr.} 1. Standing or walking; not sitting orlying down; up. Before the teacher finished asking the question, George was on his feet ready to answer it. In a busy gasolinestation, the attendant is on his feet all day. Compare: TO ONE’SFEET. Contrast: OFF ONE’S FEET. 2. Recovering; getting better fromsickness or […]...
- Air Canada flight finds stranded Australian yacht They were ready to land in Australia, at the end of a 14-hour international flight, when the 270 passengers of an Air Canada flight were suddenly thrown into a high-seas search-and-rescue operation. Flight AC033 diverted after pilot Andrew Robertson got a call from the Australian Maritime Safety Authority on Tuesday to help search for a […]...
- How to call penis At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England people call it a gentleman, because it stands up when women are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you call it a […]...
- Значение идиомы nose up [nose up] {v.} To head up; incline the forward end upwards; moveup. The airplane nosed up through the cloud bank. The pilotnosed the plane up from the field....
- Перевод слова plane Plane – плоскость; самолет Перевод слова Axis plane – плоскость симметрии plane of projection – плоскость проекции to fly a plane – управлять самолетом I’m late for the Plane. Я опоздал на самолет. The superstitious man is on the same Plane as the savage. Суеверный человек находится на той же ступени развития, что и первобытный […]...