A bowlegged man

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1. The new hooker had just finished her first trickThe new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, «Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine.» «Well? What did he want to do?» they all asked. She said, «I told him that a ... Читать далее...
2. Yo momma’s so fatYMSF: 1. Her butt has it’s own zip code. 2. When she goes to the grocery store she doesn’t need a cart — she can stack it all on her butt shelf. 3. Congress has designated her butt as a national park. 4. when she stands out front the neighbors wonder where your house went. ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова politePolite — вежливый, учтивый Перевод слова Polite rebuff — вежливый отказ a thought more polite — чуть вежливей the polite thing — благовоспитанность She’s always very Polite. Она всегда очень вежлива. It’s not Polite to interrupt. Не вежливо перебивать. Please be Polite to the guests. Пожалуйста, будь вежлив с гостями....
4. A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouseA driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines. «Don’t know,» the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview ... Читать далее...
5. An irresolvable problemA woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt. He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged. «Have you always been that way?» asked the podiatrist. «No,» she said, not until recently. «I’ve been fucking a lot doggie style.» «Well,» said the podiatrist, «you are going to have to stop.» «I can’t,» ... Читать далее...
6. Save the dead rabbitA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
7. Hair sprayA man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side ... Читать далее...
8. Now he’s in troubleA police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, «what’s the problem officer?» To which the policeman responded, «I stopped you for running that red light behind you.» Just then the man’s wife leaned forward from the driver’s seat and ... Читать далее...
9. You might be a redneck if 03You might be a redneck if… There are more than five McDonald’s bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is a wasp nest in your living room. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы hand[hand] See: AT HAND, BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH TWO IN THE BUSH, BITE THE HAND THAT FEEDS ONE, CLEAN HANDS, DIRTY ONE’S HANDS, EAT OUTOF ONE’S HAND, FORCE ONE’S HAND, FREE HAND, FROM HAND TO HAND, GLADHAND, HAM-HANDED, HANG HEAVY or HANG HEAVY ON ONE’S HANDS, HAT INHAND, HAVE A HAND IN, HAVE ... Читать далее...
11. Oscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydivingOscar was an unlucky sap. Having just spent megabucks on a skydiving class, he dove out of the airplane and pulled the ripcord. The chute emerged, tangled, and he cut it free. He then pulled the cord on the reserve chute, and it also was tangled. He prayed to his God and looked down to ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы keep a civil tongue in one’s head[keep a civil tongue in one’s head] {v. phr.} To be polite inspeaking. He was very angry with his boss, but he kept a civiltongue in his head. The bus driver began yelling at the woman andshe told him to keep a civil tongue in his head....
13. A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kiltA young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. «Reach up there and find out.» She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, «Oh, it’s gruesome!» «Aye, it has,» replied the Scotsman, «and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!»...
14. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
15. The Eighteen BottlesI had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with ... Читать далее...
16. This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girlsThis elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, «cough drops» and snickered. Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, «What are you doing here, m’am?» ... Читать далее...
17. Barry took a girl out on her first dateBarry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, «My mother told me to say no to everything.» «Well,» Barry said, «do you mind if I put my arm around you?» «No,» the girl replied. «Do you mind if I put my ... Читать далее...
18. Last Minute Holiday ShoppingEvery year, I tell myself that I won’t Procrastinate in doing my holiday shopping. And, every year, I End up with a shopping list As long as your arm And about 24 hours to get it all done. Waiting until the last minute means that I have to Brave the crowds out doing their Last-minute ... Читать далее...
19. Last Minute Holiday ShoppingEvery year, I tell myself that I won’t Procrastinate in doing my holiday shopping. And, every year, I End up with a shopping list As long as your arm And about 24 hours to get it all done. Waiting until the last minute means that I have to Brave the crowds out doing their Last-minute ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова shoppingShopping — покупка товаров, шопинг Перевод слова Shopping street — торговая улица to do one’s shopping — делать покупки she’s out shopping — она пошла по магазинам I am just raring to go Shopping. Мне просто не терпится отправиться в поход по магазинам. I need to go shopping this Afternoon. Днем мне нужно сходить за ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы lend a hand[lend a hand] or [give a hand] also [bear a hand] {v. phr.} To givehelp; make yourself useful; help. The stage manager asked some ofthe boys to lend a hand with the scenery. Dick saw a woman with aflat tire and offered to give her a hand with it. Compare: LIFT AFINGER....
22. Значение идиомы hand on[hand on] {v.} To pass along to the next person who should have it. Everyone in class should read this, so when you have finished, please hand it on. In the early days, news was handed on from oneperson to another....
23. A tall woman met a midget at a partyA tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman’s apartment. «I can’t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,» said the woman, «especially with the size ... Читать далее...
24. A woman was thinking about finding a petA woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы lady friend[lady friend] {n.} 1. A woman friend. His aunt stays with a ladyfriend in Florida during the winter. 2. A woman who is the lover of aman. — Used by people trying to appear more polite, but not often usedby careful speakers. The lawyer took his lady friend to dinner. Syn.: GIRLFRIEND....
26. TromboneQ: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone? A: Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste. Q: How do you ... Читать далее...
27. Card gamesA cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, «Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы have in the palm of one’s hand[have in the palm of one’s hand] {v. phr.} To completely control;have a project finished, all wrapped up. Our boss felt that if hecould calm his critics he would soon have the entire factory in thepalm of his hand....
29. Where are we goingAn American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. «Aaah!» he said. «We’re right over my homeland.» «How can you tell?» asked the American. «I can feel the cold air.» he replied. ... Читать далее...
30. Playing with your mindThis is so cool. Read this sentence: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE — SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF — IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Now count ALOUD the F’s in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE: do not go back and count them again. See below… ANSWER: There are six F’s in ... Читать далее...
31. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы let one’s left hand know what one’s right hand is doing[let one’s left hand know what one’s right hand is doing] {v. phr.}1. To make a show of your kindness or help to others. — Used in thenegative. The Bible tells us not to let the left hand know what theright hand is doing when we give to the poor. 2. {informal} To leteveryone taking ... Читать далее...
33. Trapped within a bogPaddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O’Reilly wandered by. «Help!» Paddy shouted, «Oi’m sinkin’!» Don’t worry,» assured Mick. «Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi’m the strongest man in Erin, and Oi’ll pull ye right out o’ there.» Mick leaned out and grabbed Paddy’s hand and pulled and pulled ... Читать далее...
34. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
35. He is extremely drunkLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
36. An offenseLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. «Aye, so I have. ‘Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven ... Читать далее...
37. An elderly couple in a senior homeAn elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. «What’s she got that I ... Читать далее...
38. Question answer 02Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why’s that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football? They keep drawing! ... Читать далее...
39. Conversation over dinnerConversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not — don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) ... Читать далее...
40. A salesman in a strange city was feeling hornyA salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted release. He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute. He was told to go to 225 West 42nd St. By mistake, he went to 255 West 42nd St, the office of a podiatrist. Being met by a beautiful woman in ... Читать далее...