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1. Safe to appear Don was looking for a little “action.” He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times, she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time, Don told her that he needed to slip […]...
2. On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed […]...
3. Need fishing licenses A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden!! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden. After about a half mile the fella […]...
4. Beautiful – in a sentence The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?” Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for […]...
5. Перевод слова panic Panic – паника, потерять голову Перевод слова To spread panic – сеять панику to feel panic at – испытывать замешательство при panic button – аварийная кнопка the crowd panicked – в толпе началась паника There is no reason to Panic. Нет никаких причин для паники. A note of Panic entered her voice. В ее голосе […]...
6. A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each […]...
7. Перевод слова moment Moment – момент, миг Перевод слова To draw back from the deal at the last moment – отказаться от сделки в последний момент just at that precise moment – именно в тот момент in a rash moment – в спешке He stopped for a Moment. На мгновение он остановился. It takes just a Moment. Это […]...
8. In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was […]...
9. The Australian way After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She […]...
10. What a Woman Really Needs A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a […]...
11. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
12. Elderly romance There’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, “For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my […]...
13. Being Late for an Event Eric: Let’s Get a move on or we’ll be late – again! Carmen: Hold your horses. I’m On the verge of being ready. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know. Eric: A day? I’d Settle for a week. Why is it that every time we have someplace to be you’re always Running late? Carmen: […]...
14. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
15. A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is. “Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and […]...
16. The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment The CIA was recruiting for a top secret assignment. They were down to three recruits, two men and one woman. Only one could get the position. As a final test each recruit was led down a hallway to a large gray door. The CIA agents say to the first man, “We need to know that […]...
17. A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady A carpet-layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to get […]...
18. A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he’d lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. “No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,” he said to himself. He proceeded to […]...
19. Really torrid honeymoon After the third day of a really torrid honeymoon, the young couple finally emerged from their room and walked into the hotel restaurant. After they were seated, the waiter came over to get their orders. The new husband looked at his bride and said, “You know what I really feel like honey?” “Well sure,” she […]...
20. Some explaining The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, “Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see.” A frosty silence prevailed until the […]...
21. Значение идиомы push the panic button [push the panic button] {v. phr.}, {slang} To become very muchfrightened; nervous or excited, especially at a time of danger orworry. John thought he saw a ghost and pushed the panic button. Keep cool; don’t hit the panic button! Syn.: LOSE ONE’S HEAD....
22. Перевод слова fishing Fishing – рыбалка, рыболовный Перевод слова To go in for fishing – ходить на рыбалку fishing season – период рыбной ловли free fishing – право на свободную рыбную ловлю fishing tackle – рыболовная снасть We had good luck Fishing. У нас была удачная рыбалка. I like to go Fishing on weekends. Я люблю ходить на […]...
23. The scene is a dark jungle in Africa The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, alright!” The rear tiger says, “sorry,” and they continue. […]...
24. Two guys are out hunting deer Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, “Did you see that?” The second guy says, “No.” “A bald eagle just flew over head.” “Oh.” A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, “Did you see that?” “No.” “There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.” “Oh.” A few […]...
25. This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to […]...
26. The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon” Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the […]...
27. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not […]...
28. Перевод слова mixture Mixture – смешивание, смесь Перевод слова Explosive mixture – взрывчатая смесь without mixture – без примеси mixture analyzer – анализатор смеси The Mixture is heated and then agitated. Смесь подогревается, а потом перемешивается. He felt a curious Mixture of excitement and panic. Его охватило волнение граничащее с паникой. Five minutes is sufficient for a thorough […]...
29. One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door, and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked, on top of his mother, also […]...
30. One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married. He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience. On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each […]...
31. Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of […]...
32. I like monkeys This was originally posted in rec. sport. pro-wrestling Date: 1999/03/04 Author: briang68g@gearthlink. net I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys. […]...
33. A fellow decides to take off early from work A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he […]...
34. Значение идиомы in front of [in front of] prep. Ahead of; before. The rabbit was running infront of the dog. A big oak tree stood in front of the building. Contrast: IN BACK OF....
35. Drunk orders himself a beer A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink – he could […]...
36. Don’t Forget! An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor […]...
37. Having the equipment A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar […]...
38. Jewish fly A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink….he notices that at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever seen….he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have her….He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any Spanish-fly in […]...
39. I know you were drunk yesterday A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his […]...
40. A fair offer One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his […]...