You are from Canada
You know your from Manitoba, Canada, when….
You only knowv three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo – it’s sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You know 4 seasons – Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.
Related topics:
- Перевод слова mosquito Mosquito – комар, противомоскитный Перевод слова Mosquito bite – комариный укус mosquito curtains – занавески, сетки от москитов scratch mosquito bites – расчесывать укусы комаров Mosquitos spread disease. Комары разносят заболевания. Don’t scratch that Mosquito bite. Не чешите этот комариный укус. The infection is passed by the bite of a Mosquito. Эта инфекция передается через […]...
- Перевод слова deck Deck – палуба, настил; колода карт Перевод слова To swab a deck – драить палубу to cut a deck – снимать колоду to shuffle a deck – тасовать карты Let’s go up on Deck. Давайте поднимемся на палубу. Peter stayed below Deck. Питер остался на нижней палубе. The other players accused him of stacking the […]...
- Using the Restroom Denzel: Excuse me, where is the Restroom? Server: It’s down the hall, on your left. Denzel: Thanks. When I got into the bathroom, it was a Mess. I walked into a Stall and there was Toilet paper all over the floor. There were no Toilet seat covers and the Toilet wouldn’t Flush. Even the Toilet […]...
- Канада. Достопримечательности Канады/ Canada. Sights of Canada Канада. Достопримечательности Канады Canada. Sights of Canada Канада является второй по величине страной в мире. Она расположена в Северной Америке и граничит с США. Страна имеет также морские границы с Данией и Францией. Она состоит из 10 провинций и 3 территорий. Канада является развитой страной, одной из самых богатых в мире. Она славится своим культурно-этническим […]...
- Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in […]...
- This is what should happen to ALL CATS! This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up. 3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the […]...
- Значение идиомы on deck [on deck] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. On a floor of a ship open to theoutdoors. The passengers were playing shufflehoard on deck. Thesailors kept busy cleaning and painting on deck. 2. {informal} Readyto do something; present. The scout leader told the boys to be ondeck at 8:00 Saturday morning for the hike. Dick was […]...
- Перевод слова fund Fund – запас, резерв, фонд Перевод слова Guarantee fund – гарантийный фонд the fund of a bank – капитал банка to invest funds – делать капиталовложения The Funds run out. Деньги кончаются. The comedian had a large Fund of jokes. Комик обладал большим запасом шуток. The money went into a common Fund. Эта сумма пошла […]...
- Значение идиомы running start [running start] {n. phr.} Good progress at the beginning. Theteam was off to a running start, having won the first two games. Contributions of $5000 before the drive began gave the charity fund arunning start. Compare: HEAD START....
- Beware of drunken bears The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the […]...
- Перевод слова toilet Toilet – туалет, уборная; костюм, одевание Перевод слова Morning toilet – утренний туалет summer toilets of the ladies – летние туалеты дам toilet stall – кабина в уборной Mummy, I need to go to the Toilet! Мамочка, мне нужно в туалет! She made Tina flush the pills down the Toilet. Она заставила Тину спустить таблетки […]...
- A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. “Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted.”Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.” “Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. “Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate […]...
- Enjoying the Outdoors My favorite Time of year is the summer. I like being Outdoors, doing Anything from Hiking to going to the Beach. One thing about working in an office all week is that I don’t get much Fresh air. With summer here, I plan to take Full advantage. Last week, I went to the beach with […]...
- Canada (2) Топик Канада (2) продолжает знакомить вас со второй по величине, после России, страной в мире. Канада занимает первое место в мире по количеству лесов и богата природными ресурсами. В Канаде хорошо развиты промышленность, сельское хозяйство и рыболовство. Почти 60 процентов населения говорят на английском и 27 процентов говорят по-французски. Канада – одна из стран основателей […]...
- Canada America An American will say, “Hot day!” A Canadian will say, “Hot day, eh?” meaning “It’s a hot day, isn’t it?” This is something deeper than spelling or pronunciation. It goes to the heart of the less-assertive Canadian character. The United States was born when Americans revolted against King George III and asserted their independence. Canada […]...
- Buying Bathroom Supplies Jan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll […]...
- Buying Bathroom Supplies Jan: We’re almost done. We just need to get some bathroom Supplies for Kimberly. Tim: Okay, here are some Towels, a Bathmat and a Bathroom scale. Don’t forget the cleaning supplies. She’ll need some Rubber gloves, Disinfectant, Bowl cleaner, and a Plunger. Jan: All right. We have all that. Where are you going? Tim: She’ll […]...
- Canada language How you can spot a Canadian, eh? – Don McGillivray (Ottawa columnist for Southam Newspapers) How do you tell a Canadian from an American? It used to be enough to ask him to say the alphabet. When the Canadian got to the end, he’d say “zed” instead of “zee”. But 18 years of Sesame Street […]...
- Alaskan tourism If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don’t scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to […]...
- Bloke is drinking at a pub Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. “Don’t be stupid,” says the barman, “We’ve got a perfectly good toilet here!” “Yes,” explains the drinker, “but I take salts.” “So what??!! That doesn’t matter – you […]...
- Frasier’s dog Eddie dies aged 16 Moose the dog, better known as Eddie in US sitcom Frasier, has died aged 16 in Los Angeles, his trainer has said. The Jack Russell terrier passed away of old age last week at trainer Mathilde Halberg’s home, she told People magazine and the Access Hollywood show. “He just had an incredible charisma and was […]...
- Перевод слова meat Meat – мясо, пища Перевод слова Broken meat – остатки пищи meat casserole – мясная запеканка to raise cattle for meat – выращивать скот на мясо The Meat is a bit off. Мясо не совсем свежее. The Meat cuts easily. Это мясо легко режется. The meat swims in Gravy. Мясо залито подливкой....
- An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.” “What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now.”...
- Canada – Канада Canada is an independent federative state. It is one of the most developed countries. Canada consists of ten provinces and two territories. It is situated on the North American continent. In size Canada is the second in the world after Russia. Its area is almost 10 million km2. The capital of Canada is Ottawa, which […]...
- History of Canada Топик История Канады рассказывает об образовании одной из самых развитых стран мира. Считается, что первые люди пришли на территорию современной Канады из Азии около 15 000 лет назад, и именно они были предками индейцев. Затем, около 5000 лет назад, с Аляски пришли предки современных эскимосов. Джон Кэбот первым открыл юго-восточное побережье Канады в 1497 году. […]...
- Chemistry song 04 Deck the Labs Deck the labs with rubber tubing Fa la la la la, la la la la. Use your funnel and your filter Fa la la la la, la la la la. Don we now our goggles and aprons Fa la la la la, la la la la. Before we go to our lab […]...
- Things Associated with Autumn Erin: Smell that! Sean: Smell what? Erin: Can’t you smell the Changing of the seasons? I love Autumn. The Fall colors are out and there’s a Chill is in the air. Sean: That means I’ll be Raking leaves every weekend when I should be watching football. Erin: How can you be so Grumpy when you […]...
- Canada – Канада (3) Canada covers all of the North American continent to the North of the USA except Alaska and the small French islands of St. Pierre and Miquelon near the Atlantic coast. Canada is washed bv three oceans: the Atlantic, the Pacific and the Arctic. The population of Canada is about 26 million people. The country occupies […]...
- Planting a Garden Joni: Smell that! Giuseppe: Smell what? Joni: Smell that Fresh air. Aren’t you glad I got you to help me Plant this Garden? We’re going to have so much fun today. Giuseppe: Uh huh. I’m glad to help, but I don’t exactly have a Green thumb. Joni: That’s okay. As long as you can Tell […]...
- Canada (3) Топик Канада (3) рассказывает о численности и составе населения Канады, о форме правления в стране и о том, что сохранение общности в стране – сейчас является главной задачей Правительства Канады. Canada is the second largest country in the world. Only Russia has a greater land area. Canada is situated in North America. Canada is slightly […]...
- Canada Из топика Канада вы узнаете основные факты об этой огромной стране, с территорией около 10 млн. кв. км. и населением в 29 млн. человек. История Канады насчитывает более 400 лет, а первыми поселенцами были французы. В настоящее время Канада является федеративным государством, состоящим из 10 провинций и 2 территорий. Двумя официальными языками являются английский и […]...
- Перевод слова major Major – главный, важный; мажор; майор Перевод слова Major question – главный вопрос major drawback – основной недостаток major road – главная дорога major chord – мажорный аккорд She is Majoring in linguistics. Ее специализация – лингвистика. A captain is below a Major. Капитан по званию ниже, чем майор. Our car needs a Major overhaul. […]...
- History of Canada – История Канады Canada’s history is an exciting story of development of a vast wilderness into a great nation. Most experts believe that the first people who lived on this land came from Asia about 15000 years ago. They came over a land bridge that once connected Asia and North America. Their descendants are known today as Indians. […]...
- Climate and the Nature of Canada – Климат и природа Канады Canada is situated in the northern part of the North American continent. It is washed by the Pacific Ocean in the west, by the Atlantic Ocean in the east and by the Arctic Ocean and its seas in the north. That is why the climate and the nature of Canada are much varied. The northern […]...
- A fun game While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: Congratulations! You’ve won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. You look left and it reads: Look Right You look right and it reads: Look Left…...
- Перевод слова winter Winter – зима, зимний Перевод слова A bla winter day – унылый зимний день winter blizzard – зимняя вьюга dead of winter – глубокая зима I need a new Winter coat. Мне нужно новое зимнее пальто. Winter is almost upon us. Зима уже близко. It was a long, cold Winter. Это была длинная, холодная зима....
- Made in Canada President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister. “I do need your help,” […]...
- Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his […]...
- Перевод слова paper Paper – бумага, документ, газета Перевод слова Correspondence paper – писчая бумага высокого качества to cover a wall with paper – оклеивать стену обоями working paper – рабочий документ Paper is made from wood. Бумага изготовлена из натурального дерева. Make a hole in the Paper. Проделайте в бумаге отверстие. Have you seen today’s Paper? Вы […]...
- Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother “Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.” “Johnny you […]...