Winnie The????

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1. Strict schoolIt was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy «My name is Johnny Fuckhauer». So she said «There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; ... Читать далее...
2. Перевод слова vacationVacation — отпуск, каникулы, освобождение Перевод слова Christmas vacation — рождественские каникулы vacation of a position — уход с поста; отставка to take a vacation — брать отпуск, уходить в очередной отпуск She was away on Vacation. Она уехала в отпуск. Did you have a good Vacation? Хорошо ли вы провели отпуск? I got a ... Читать далее...
3. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a gameThe Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: «The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.» Timmy: » I know what it is, it’s an apple.» Teacher: «That’s right, I like the way ... Читать далее...
4. Alan MilneAlan Milne was born in London on the 18th of January in 1882. His father was the headmaster of a small preparatory school. One of the teachers at the school was the famous writer H. G. Wells. Milne went to Westminster School at the age of 11 and then went on to Cambridge to become ... Читать далее...
5. From UsThe teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters «ILU» written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises her hand. Well sweetie, what does «ILU» mean? The little girl replies, «I love you.» The teacher says, «Isn’t that sweet,» and continues with class. The ... Читать далее...
6. A lesson in ebonicsA sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, «Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.» The teacher says, «No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?» Another little boy stands up and says, «Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.» Again the teacher says, «No, that’s wrong.» The teacher asks, ... Читать далее...
7. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whalesA little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a ... Читать далее...
8. The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctorThe daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor «Big Chief no fart.» The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, «Big Chief no fart.» The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ... Читать далее...
9. What marketing isNow I understand what marketing is: You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: «I am very good in bed». That is Direct Marketing. You are at a party with a group of friends and you see a very pretty girl. One of your friends ... Читать далее...
10. Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tellsLittle Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. «Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,» she asks, «will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?» Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says «No, I don’t think ... Читать далее...
11. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
12. Having the equipmentA couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar ... Читать далее...
13. A good studentIt was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, «Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said «Give me Liberty, or give me Death?» She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his ... Читать далее...
14. Chris Columbus Directed Home Alone Instead of Christmas Vacation Because He Met Chevy ChaseJames Hughes, son of the legendary writer and director John Hughes, put together an oral history of Home Alone for Chicago magazine. In it, he reveals how the film ultimately found its director, Chris Columbus. After directing the 1988 flop Heartbreak Hotel, Columbus was worried about finding a new directing gig. Which is part of ... Читать далее...
15. In the Sex Ed class the teacher saysIn the Sex Ed class the teacher says, «All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex.» The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, «Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?» Johnny ... Читать далее...
16. A man escapes from prisonA man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of ... Читать далее...
17. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
18. What God looks likeA Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, «I’m drawing God.» The teacher paused and said, «But no one knows ... Читать далее...
19. Drawing GodA kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, «I’m drawing God.» The teacher paused and said, «But no one knows what God ... Читать далее...
20. A young female teacher was giving an assignmentA young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, «What’s so funny Pat?» «Well teacher, I just ... Читать далее...
21. Learning Self-DefenseTeacher: Welcome, everybody, to this Self-defense class. Today, you’ll learn how To size up a situation and how to tell the difference between a Harmless situation and a Threatening one. You’ll also begin to learn some Hand-to-hand combat moves To defend yourselves. Amy: Oh, good. I can’t wait to learn some Martial arts so I ... Читать далее...
22. Famous QuotesOne Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with «This was England’s finest hour.» Little Suzy instantly jumped up ... Читать далее...
23. Subjects for a dateA boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: «My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.» The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. ... Читать далее...
24. Barbie and G. I. JoeA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, «What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?» The little girl replies, «I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.» Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, «I ... Читать далее...
25. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girlThe wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы let ride[let ride] {v. phr.}, {informal} To allow to go on without change;accept for the present. The committee couldnot decide what to do about Bob’s idea, so they let the matter ridefor a month or so. The class was rather noisy but the teacher letit ride because it was near Christmas. Ruth’s paper was not verygood, ... Читать далее...
27. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
28. Granny’s genderA boy and a girl started quarreling after sitting half an hour with the «Animal world» book: -Yes she can! -No she can’t! -Yes she can! -No she can’t! Let’s go and ask granny! -Grandma, can you have children? -Oh no I can’t my dear! -I’ve told u she’s a male!...
29. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
30. On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asksOn a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee? Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date. The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?...
31. Orange penisAn old man goes to the doctor and says «Dr., I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My dick is orange.» The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange. ... Читать далее...
32. A new methodIt’s the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class, «If anyone has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers.» After a moment of quiet thought, Little Johnny asked: «How will that help?»...
33. The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the fieldThe Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: «Sir, look up into the sky and tell me what you see.» The CO said «I see millions of stars.» 1st Sgt.: «And what does that tell you, sir?» CO: Astronomically, it tells ... Читать далее...
34. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nailsTo stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. «I won’t do it any more, Mom,» says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. «If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?» ... Читать далее...
35. UNIVERSAL GRADE CHANGE FORM____________________University To: Professor____________________ From:___________________________ I think my grade in your course,___________________, should be Changed from ______ to _______ for the following reasons: ______1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. ______2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. ______3. This course will lower ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы curry favor[curry favor] {v.} To flatter or serve someone to get his help or friendship. Joe tried to curry favor with the new teacher by doing little services that she didn’t really want. Jim tried to curry favor with the new girl by telling her she was the prettiest girl in the class. Compare: POLISH THE ... Читать далее...
37. American University Grading ProceduresHere is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: — All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: — Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books ... Читать далее...
38. We have new babiesFor weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about ... Читать далее...
39. Christmas tree betterReasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman» A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb ... Читать далее...
40. Our bright childhood10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay. «Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?» says mom. Timmy replies, «Because his dick tasted like shit!»...