Granny’s gender

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1. A little girl was out with her Grandmother A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. “What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.” They’re […]...
2. Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa Rabinowitz rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, “Fuck you!” Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, “Fuck you too!” Grandpa becomes very much excited […]...
3. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
4. Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: “Oh dear, what happened to you?” Di answers: “I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse”. Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: “My God, you look terrible.” Dodi […]...
5. Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. “I am the most beautiful person in the world,” proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. “No, you’re not,” answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. “I am the smallest person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb. “No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. “I’ve had […]...
6. Carroll Lewis – Льюис Кэрролл Lewis Carroll was the pen-name of Charles L. Dodgson, the man who wrote a famous book for children “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”. Charles L. Dodgson was born in England in 1832. He got his early education at a public school. Then he became a student at Oxford. Charles studied mathematics and later taught this subject […]...
7. Winnie The???? “Winnie The????” It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she […]...
8. At a grocery store A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have […]...
9. A man was walking down the street when he noticed A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here […]...
10. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
11. You Can Never Really Go Back You Can Never Really Go Back There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.” “Yeah,” she replied, “Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting […]...
12. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
13. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
14. A wife went in to see a therapist and said A wife went in to see a therapist and said, “I’ve got a big problem doctor” Every time we’re in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.” “MY dear,” the shrink said, “that’s completely natural. I don’t see what problem is?” “The problem is,” she complained, “It wakes me up.”...
15. Значение идиомы on top of the world [on top of the world] or [sitting on top of the world] also [sitting on high cotton] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Feelingpleased and happy; feeling successful. John was on top of the worldwhen he found out that he got into college. When Ruth won firstprize in the contest, she felt as though she was sitting on […]...
16. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
17. Children`s happiness – Детское счастье Childhood is the happiest time. We always remember our childhood as the happiest moments of our life. However, childhood made for us our parents. Each child dreams about happy family, about loving parents. And parents dream to do only the best for their babies, give them that they had not. Parents are the nearest people […]...
18. The right rhythm On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent’s house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Katie told her […]...
19. A young girl is with her dad at the barbers A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. “Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?” asked the barber. “Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!” said the girl!...
20. The most painful part A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, “How is it that you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I […]...
21. Значение идиомы world [world] See: COME UP IN THE WORLD or RISE IN THE WORLD, DEAD TO THEWORLD, FOR ALL THE WORLD, IN A WORLD OF ONE’S OWN or IN A WORLD BYONESELF, IN THE WORLD, LOOK AT THE WORLD THROUGH ROSE-COLORED GLASSES, NOT FOR THE WORLD, ON TOP OF THE WORLD or SITTING ON TOP OF THE […]...
22. The girl knelt in the confessional and said The girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” “What is it, child?” “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and […]...
23. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
24. Constipation problem Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half – hour in the morning […]...
25. Barry took a girl out on her first date Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, “My mother told me to say no to everything.” “Well,” Barry said, “do you mind if I put my arm around you?” “No,” the girl replied. “Do you mind if I put my […]...
26. Перевод слова dear Dear – дорогой, милый, дорогая, милая Перевод слова Dear mother – милая мамочка o dear! o god! – о боже! a dear little thing – прелестная вещица Be a Dear and make me a coffee. Будь душкой и сделай мне кофе. Can I help you, Dear? Я могу тебе помочь, дорогая? What’s your name, Dear? […]...
27. To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it’ll make her fat. “I won’t do it any more, Mom,” says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I’ll be as fat as that, won’t I Mom?” […]...
28. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. He looks at his mother and says “Look Momma, I’m a white boy.” His mother slaps him hard On the face and says “Boy, go show your Daddy.” The […]...
29. Перевод слова half Half – половина, частичный Перевод слова A half knowledge of the subject – недостаточное знание предмета half light – неполный свет half the profits – половина прибылей half empty – наполовину пустой It’s Half past one. Сейчас половина второго. What is Half of six? Сколько будет, если шесть разделить пополам? Two Halves make a whole. […]...
30. The subway car was packed The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, “Sir, if you don’t stop poking me with your thing, I’m going to the cops!” “I don’t know what you’re talking about miss – that’s just my […]...
31. A Letter from Account Receivables DATE COMPANY ADDRESS CITY, STATE, ZIP Attention: _____________________ Dear ____________________, Will you get off your dead ass and take care of your obligations! We are still holding the insufficient check that we called you on over a month ago. I know you told me you were waiting to get paid for a job that was […]...
32. Animal stuttering Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny’s hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says. “Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher. “Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with […]...
33. This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, “You really smell terrific. What’s that you have on?” The flattered […]...
34. Book of child’s mind В топике Книга и разум ребенка я рассказываю, что с раннего детства мне нравилось сочинять разные истории, которые для меня записывала моя бабушка. Став взрослой, я могу применить свои способности и написать настоящую книгу. А вы когда-нибудь задумывались о том, чтобы написать рассказ или роман? Have you ever think about to compose a story or […]...
35. Best riddles part 2 What do people in Europe call little gray cats? Ответ: Little kittens. —————————————– What makes a Dalmatian dog spotted? Ответ: His spots. —————————————– What bird can lift the heaviest weight? Ответ: The crane. —————————————– When is a dog’s tail not a dog’s tail? Ответ: When it’s a waggin’. —————————————– How do we know that one […]...
36. The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college The dean of women at an exclusive girl’s college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. “In moments of temptation,” said the speaker to the class, “ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: “How […]...
37. A young peasant girl of fourteen A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, “But why?” he asked. “Nothin, I just wanna […]...
38. While enjoying a drink with a mate one night While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into […]...
39. What God looks like A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows […]...
40. Very fair payment An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and […]...