Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love

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1. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
2. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I […]...
3. Перевод слова pair Pair – пара, парные предметы, чета Перевод слова A pair of candlesticks – пара подсвечников pair of gloves – пара перчаток pair of oars – лодка с двумя гребцами Just clear out, the Pair of you! А ну, убирайтесь, вы оба! The company is run by a Pair of brothers. Компанией управляют два брата. She […]...
4. Значение идиомы no love lost [no love lost] {n. phr.} Bad feeling; ill will. Bob and Dickboth wanted to be elected captain of the team, and there was no lovelost between them. There was no love lost between the sales andthe accounting departments....
5. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. “Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,” said the nun, gently patting […]...
6. Want some of this? Mongo’s old lady decided she wanted t do something special to please him on his birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless panties. That night, as he came into the house, she lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle. “Hi hon,” she purred sexily. “Y’all want some of this?” “Hell, no!” he hollered. “Look at […]...
7. Значение идиомы sales check [sales check] or [sales slip] {n.} A paper which the clerk givesthe person who bought something; a paper that shows what you bought ina store and how much you paid for it. Mrs. Smith checked the salesslip with what she bought. Mary brought the sales check when shereturned the dress so she could get her […]...
8. A state-of-the-art watch A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “No”, he replies,”I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just […]...
9. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
10. A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along […]...
11. Значение идиомы wear thin [wear thin] {v.} 1. To become thin from use, wearing, or thepassing of time. My old pair of pants has worn thin at the knees. This old dime has worn very thin. 2. To grow less, or lessinteresting; decrease. The joke began to wear thin when you heardit too many times. The teacher’s patience began […]...
12. Значение идиомы on one’s hands [on one’s hands] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} In your care orresponsibility; that you must do something about. Mrs. Blake lefther five children with me while she shopped. I could not get anythingdone with the children on my hands. After everyone bought ticketsto the dance, the club treasurer had over $100 on his hands. Theelectricity went […]...
13. The Presidential watches A man goes to a jewelry store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called “the George Bush Watch” and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says – “you are suppose to read his lips”. He then looks at a watch called the “Ross Perot Watch” […]...
14. A change of style Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says “When did you start wearing them?” To which the other man replies “Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.”...
15. Значение идиомы girl friend [girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
16. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
17. One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew […]...
18. A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day A man had a flat tire on a very cold winter day. He told his girl friend he’d have it fixed in no time. However as it was very cold his hands kept getting cold. He asked his girl if he could put his hands between her knees to warm them. She said that would […]...
19. Shopping for Men’s Shoes Curran: I like these Tennis shoes. I need a new pair. Beth: We’re here to buy you some Dress shoes for attending Chelsey’s wedding. You can’t go wearing those Worn out loafers, and you need time To break them in. Curran: All right. Just pick whatever you think is suitable and let’s go. Beth: Don’t […]...
20. Shopping for Men’s Shoes Curran: I like these Tennis shoes. I need a new pair. Beth: We’re here to buy you some Dress shoes for attending Chelsey’s wedding. You can’t go wearing those Worn out loafers, and you need time To break them in. Curran: All right. Just pick whatever you think is suitable and let’s go. Beth: Don’t […]...
21. Love Jesus By Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light […]...
22. Their true intention One morning a little girl ran inside and said “Daddy, Daddy my sister and the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I think they are about to piss […]...
23. There were three men who were lost in the forest There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of […]...
24. Buying a Men’s Suit Sales clerk: Good afternoon. What can I help you find? Bo: I’m looking for a Suit for work. Sales clerk: I’m sure we have something for you. Are you looking for a traditional or Contemporary suit? Bo: I’m not sure. I’d like To try on some different ones. Sales clerk: That’s no problem. Let me […]...
25. Значение идиомы handle with gloves [handle with gloves] or [handle with kid gloves] {v. phr.},{informal} 1. To treat very gently and carefully. An atomic bomb ishandled with kid gloves. 2. To treat with great tact and diplomacy. Aunt Jane is so irritable that we have to treat her with kid gloves....
26. Giving Someone Your Recommendation Jimmy: My cousin Sal said that he Put in an application for a job here. Suzanne: Yeah, that’s right. Jimmy: Well? Suzanne: Well, what? Jimmy: Are you going To hire him? Suzanne: I’m not sure. He doesn’t have any experience and he didn’t provide any References. Jimmy: I can Vouch for him. Sal is Solid. […]...
27. Love to Death A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments – lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, […]...
28. The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. “What are you going to use it for?” she asked. “None of your business,” answered the customer, beet red and throughly offended. “Calm down, buddy,” soothed the salesgirl. ” The only reason I’m asking is that […]...
29. A Love Letter Vicky: What are you working on? Issac: If I tell you, will you Promise not to laugh? Vicky: All right. What is it? Issac: It’s a Love letter to Julie. Vicky: Isn’t it a little Premature? You’ve only been going out for a month. Issac: Maybe, but I really want her to know how I […]...
30. Believing in Scary Things Ella: No matter what you say, I am not going out tonight. It’s Halloween and EvilThings are Lurking everywhere. Jimmy: Come on, it’s Halloween! It’s the holiday when kids get Dressed up and ask for candy. There is nothing evil or Creepy about this day. If you’re Scared stiff, it’s Your own doing. Ella: Don’t […]...
31. The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. “After all, dear,” she said to her husband, “you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?” “No,” her husband replied. “Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.”...
32. Значение идиомы pair up [pair up] {v.} 1. To make a pair of; match. When she finishedthe mending, she paired up the socks. 2. To form a pair; to be orbecome one of a pair. Not all the socks would pair up. Joepaired up with Charlie to work on the lesson....
33. Love handles One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. “Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,” the genie said. “Since you have released me, […]...
34. A gruesome discovery A girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath. “What’s underneath your kilt?”, she asked him. “Why don’t you take a look”, he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the kilt. then let it go,”Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Well, why don’t you take another look, it […]...
35. Диалог на английском языке с переводом про Любовь (About Love) Listen, Angela. I’ve heard great news about your sister. They say that she got married last month. Is it true? Yes, it is. Mary and Bob celebrated their wedding 2 weeks ago. It was such a wonderful day. I still can’t believe that your sister has become a wife. Where did they meet each other? […]...
36. Running a Pilot Program Rosalind: How is the Pilot program coming along? Jimmy: We’ll be ready To launch it in another month, but I have some serious Reservations. Rosalind: Like what? Jimmy: We haven’t Worked out all of the bugs yet and we might Come up against some Resistance from the community. Rosalind: Isn’t that the Nature of a […]...
37. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barman Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks […]...
38. Значение идиомы take one’s life in one’s hands [take one’s life in one’s hands] {v. phr.} To face great danger ortake great risk. Driving that car with those worn tires would betaking your life in your hands. He took his life in his hands whenhe tried to capture the wild horse....
39. Writing a Love Song Isaac: Can you Keep it down in there? I’m trying to write a song. Brittany: You are? What kind of song? Isaac: It’s None of your business. Brittany: Come on. Tell me. Isaac: It’s for Melanie. Brittany: Oh, it’s a Love song. That’s so romantic. Are you going To serenade her? Isaac: Maybe. Now leave […]...
40. A little girl came running into the house crying A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. “Why do you want cider?” asked Mom. “To take the pain away,” sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little […]...