Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love

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1. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy HospitalMr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. «Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,» said the nun, gently patting ... Читать далее...
2. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and stillSadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, «Mama! I ... Читать далее...
3. A little girl was playing up a tree near a churchA little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова pairPair — пара, парные предметы, чета Перевод слова A pair of candlesticks — пара подсвечников pair of gloves — пара перчаток pair of oars — лодка с двумя гребцами Just clear out, the Pair of you! А ну, убирайтесь, вы оба! The company is run by a Pair of brothers. Компанией управляют два брата. She ... Читать далее...
5. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity wardMister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, «What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?» «Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.» «Well, how bad is it? Can I see?» «Follow me, sir.» They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы no love lost[no love lost] {n. phr.} Bad feeling; ill will. Bob and Dickboth wanted to be elected captain of the team, and there was no lovelost between them. There was no love lost between the sales andthe accounting departments....
7. Значение идиомы sales check[sales check] or [sales slip] {n.} A paper which the clerk givesthe person who bought something; a paper that shows what you bought ina store and how much you paid for it. Mrs. Smith checked the salesslip with what she bought. Mary brought the sales check when shereturned the dress so she could get her ... Читать далее...
8. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
9. Six guys were playing poker when Smith losesSix guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, «Now, who is going to tell the wife?» They draw straws. Rippington, who ... Читать далее...
10. Want some of this?Mongo’s old lady decided she wanted t do something special to please him on his birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless panties. That night, as he came into the house, she lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle. «Hi hon,» she purred sexily. «Y’all want some of this?» «Hell, no!» he hollered. «Look at ... Читать далее...
11. Christmas flavorThree men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas ... Читать далее...
12. A state-of-the-art watchA cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, «Is your date running late?» «No», he replies,»I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just ... Читать далее...
13. A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified toA wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы wear thin[wear thin] {v.} 1. To become thin from use, wearing, or thepassing of time. My old pair of pants has worn thin at the knees. This old dime has worn very thin. 2. To grow less, or lessinteresting; decrease. The joke began to wear thin when you heardit too many times. The teacher’s patience began ... Читать далее...
15. Значение идиомы pair off[pair off] {v.} 1. To make a pair of; put two together; associate;match. Mrs. Smith paired off her guests by age and tastes. 2. Tobelong to a pair; become one of a pair. Jane paired off with Alicein a tennis doubles match. 3. To divide or join into pairs. Laterin the day the picnic crowd ... Читать далее...
16. A change of styleTwo men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says «When did you start wearing them?» To which the other man replies «Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.»...
17. Значение идиомы girl friend[girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
18. Значение идиомы wear out one’s welcome[wear out one’s welcome] {v. phr.}, {informal} To visit somewheretoo long or come back too often so that you are not welcome any more. The Smith children have worn out their welcome at our house becausethey never want to go home. This hot weather has worn out itswelcome with us....
19. Значение идиомы wish on[wish on] {v.} 1. To use as a lucky charm while making a wish. Mary wished on a star that she could go to the dance. Bob wishedon his lucky rabbit’s foot that he could pass the test. 2. or [wishoff on] {informal} To get rid of by passing it onto someone else. Martha did ... Читать далее...
20. Shopping for Men’s ShoesCurran: I like these Tennis shoes. I need a new pair. Beth: We’re here to buy you some Dress shoes for attending Chelsey’s wedding. You can’t go wearing those Worn out loafers, and you need time To break them in. Curran: All right. Just pick whatever you think is suitable and let’s go. Beth: Don’t ... Читать далее...
21. Shopping for Men’s ShoesCurran: I like these Tennis shoes. I need a new pair. Beth: We’re here to buy you some Dress shoes for attending Chelsey’s wedding. You can’t go wearing those Worn out loafers, and you need time To break them in. Curran: All right. Just pick whatever you think is suitable and let’s go. Beth: Don’t ... Читать далее...
22. Their true intentionOne morning a little girl ran inside and said «Daddy, Daddy my sister and the man you hired last week are up on the hay loft in the barn on all that new hay we just bought. She has her dress up and he has his pants down. I think they are about to piss ... Читать далее...
23. There were three men who were lost in the forestThere were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of ... Читать далее...
24. Buying a Men’s SuitSales clerk: Good afternoon. What can I help you find? Bo: I’m looking for a Suit for work. Sales clerk: I’m sure we have something for you. Are you looking for a traditional or Contemporary suit? Bo: I’m not sure. I’d like To try on some different ones. Sales clerk: That’s no problem. Let me ... Читать далее...
25. Значение идиомы handle with gloves[handle with gloves] or [handle with kid gloves] {v. phr.},{informal} 1. To treat very gently and carefully. An atomic bomb ishandled with kid gloves. 2. To treat with great tact and diplomacy. Aunt Jane is so irritable that we have to treat her with kid gloves....
26. The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutiqueThe sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. «What are you going to use it for?» she asked. «None of your business,» answered the customer, beet red and throughly offended. «Calm down, buddy,» soothed the salesgirl. » The only reason I’m asking is that ... Читать далее...
27. A Love LetterVicky: What are you working on? Issac: If I tell you, will you Promise not to laugh? Vicky: All right. What is it? Issac: It’s a Love letter to Julie. Vicky: Isn’t it a little Premature? You’ve only been going out for a month. Issac: Maybe, but I really want her to know how I ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы pair up[pair up] {v.} 1. To make a pair of; match. When she finishedthe mending, she paired up the socks. 2. To form a pair; to be orbecome one of a pair. Not all the socks would pair up. Joepaired up with Charlie to work on the lesson....
29. The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a newThe wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive imported panties. «After all, dear,» she said to her husband, «you wouldn’t expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?» «No,» her husband replied. «Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver.»...
30. A gruesome discoveryA girl was intrigued at the kilt that a Scottsman was wearing, wondering what he would be wearing underneath. «What’s underneath your kilt?», she asked him. «Why don’t you take a look», he replied. Curiosity overcomming her, she lifted the kilt. then let it go,»Oh, it’s gruesome!» «Well, why don’t you take another look, it ... Читать далее...
31. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
32. Диалог на английском языке с переводом про Любовь (About Love)Listen, Angela. I’ve heard great news about your sister. They say that she got married last month. Is it true? Yes, it is. Mary and Bob celebrated their wedding 2 weeks ago. It was such a wonderful day. I still can’t believe that your sister has become a wife. Where did they meet each other? ... Читать далее...
33. A little girl came running into the house cryingA little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. «Why do you want cider?» asked Mom. «To take the pain away,» sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little ... Читать далее...
34. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
35. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a newAn army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, «But you just got a new pair last month!» «Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,» stammered the private. «Accident, what kind of an accident?» ... Читать далее...
36. Пословица / поговорка he who hesitates is lost — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: he who hesitates is lost Перевод: кто колеблется — тот проигрывает Эквивалент в русском языке: промедление смерти подобно Пример: Call that girl and ask her out. Call her right now. He who hesitates is lost. Позвони этой девушке и пригласи ее на свидание. Кто колеблется — тот проигрывает....
37. Love means different things to different peopleВ топике Люди по разному относятся к любви – автор старается разобраться, что есть любовь? На Земле миллионы людей и у каждого свое понятие истины, дружбы, ненависти, верности и, конечно, любви. Это чувство описывали поэты и писатели, каждый по-своему. Можно встретить разные определения любви: мудрая, глупая, глубокая, горькая, забавная и др. Некоторые считают, что любовь ... Читать далее...
38. On their honeymoon nightOn their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, «I can’t wear your pants.» «That’s right,» intoned the groom, «And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.» The bride ... Читать далее...
39. Love to DeathA man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments — lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, ... Читать далее...
40. Confuse traffic signsA cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: «Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?» Sister: «Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.» Cop: «Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Sister: Oh! Silly ... Читать далее...