Why I Fired My Secretary
I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought, “I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear.” All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn’t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well, she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have a nice gift for me.” There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to miss the bus!” Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.
When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted
Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together?” Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, “That’s a good idea.” So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?” So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini.” It sounded like a good idea, since we didn’t have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room.
In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.
Related topics:
- Not that my wife is the jealous type or anything, but one day at work Not that my wife’s the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. […]...
- A secretary A secretary, who works in an office with my daughter’s friend, Commented at lunch that it was such a shame that the spice girls couldn’t stay together considering they are sisters and all. There was silence for a bit, then someone told her that they weren’t sisters. She said, ” Of course they are, they […]...
- Перевод слова secretary Secretary – секретарь Перевод слова Press secretary – пресс-секретарь executive secretary – ответственный секретарь chartered secretary – управляющий делами They traced the leak to a Secretary. Они выяснили, что утечка информации шла от секретарши. We require our Secretary to be on time. Мы требуем от нашего секретаря чтобы он приходил во время. She is a […]...
- A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
- Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. While taking dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said, “Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open.” He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his zipper was […]...
- The Bachelor Diet Monday Breakfast – Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth Lunch – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” – those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have […]...
- The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day The pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, “Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. The boss pressed on, […]...
- The bachelor’s diet Bachelor’s Diet MONDAY: BREAKFAST – Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH – Send your secretary out for six “gutbombers” those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and […]...
- Значение идиомы out of town [out of town] {adv. phr.} Having left one’s usual residence orplace of work on a longer trip. “Mr. Smith is out of town untilMonday,” the secretary said. “May I take a message?”...
- An old retired man goes to his wife one day An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don’t know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I’m afraid we’re broke.” The wife says, “No, we’re not. Let’s go for a drive into town.” Husband replies, “Our savings are all gone and you […]...
- Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
- A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little girl asks, “I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?” Feeling his wife’s gaze upon him, the man explains, “Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types […]...
- A Birthday Party My sister called me at the Last minute to help her with my nephew’s birthday party. She was feeling really sick and couldn’t get out of bed. I’d never given a children’s party before, but how hard could it be? Well, I found out. First, I had to go to the Party supply store To […]...
- Перевод слова birthday Birthday – день рождения Перевод слова On a birthday – в день рождения on her tenth birthday – в день ее десятилетия birthday present – подарок ко дню рождения Happy Birthday! С днем рождения! Today is my Birthday! Сегодня мой день рождения! Примеры из жизни “Happy Birthday to You” (С днем рожденья тебя) – песня-поздравление […]...
- It’s in the Bible A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.” The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and […]...
- Перевод слова toast Toast – ломтик хлеба, тост, гренок Перевод слова Buttered toast – гренок в масле dry toast – подсушенный хлеб, сухарик on toast – поданный на гренке I had Toast for breakfast. На завтрак у меня был поджаренный хлеб. I burnt the Toast. Тост у меня подгорел. He spread some jelly on his Toast. Он намазал […]...
- Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Секретарь по телефону (Secretary Answering The Phone)” По-английски Перевод на русский Secretary: Good afternoon. Siemens Electronics. How can I help you? Секретарь: Добрый день. Сименс Электроникс. Чем могу вам помочь? Caller 1: Hello. I would like to speak to the Executive manager, please. Звонящий 1: Здравствуйте. Я хотел бы поговорить с исполнительным директором, пожалуйста. Secretary: He is not here at the moment. […]...
- A man decided to have a face lift A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think […]...
- HOT STEAM New secretary (second day on the job) answers telephone as is told in official tones: “This is the phone company. We are testing a new circuit wiring scheme in your offices. Please keep everyone off the phones for the next 10 minutes. We will be verifying the correct wiring of your system by passing HOT […]...
- Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. “Damn,” he says. “I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.” His partner replies ” What are you worried about? We’re both here.”...
- Перевод слова happy Happy – счастливый, веселый, удачный Перевод слова Happy man – счастливец happy tears – слезы счастья happy guess – правильная догадка Happy birthday! С днем рождения! I’m very Happy for you. Я так рад за тебя. I account myself Happy. Я считаю себя счастливым....
- Being a Stay-at-Home Dad Gladys: Hi, Dan. I’m surprised to see you here at the supermarket in the middle of the day. Dan: Why? Gladys: I thought you’d be working. Dan: I am working. I’m a Stay-at-home dad and I take care of the kids while my wife goes to work. Gladys: Oh, did you get Laid off from […]...
- Marriage quotes 03 There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!” Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a […]...
- A little town had a high birth rate that A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, anthropologist and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got […]...
- An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened […]...
- English Cookery and Meals В топике Английская кухня и еда – подробно описываются все приемы пищи британцев в течение дня и их гастрономические предпочтения. Вы узнаете о знаменитом английском завтраке, в который входят: каша с молоком или сливками и сахаром, бекон и яйца, мармелад с тостом, чай или кофе. Англичане никогда не пропустят довольно обильный ланч, на который они […]...
- A couple have not been getting along for years A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, “I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.” Well, you can imagine her disappointment. The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything. She says, “Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?” […]...
- It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way. “And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home. […]...
- Диалог на английском языке с переводом “секретаря и посетителя в офисе (Dialogue between a secretary and an office guest) – Good morning! Can I see Mr. Watson, please? – Good morning, sir. Do you have an appointment? – Yes, I have an appointment at 10 o’clock. My name is Sam Johnson. – That’s right, Mr. Johnson. May I take your coat, please? – Thank you. Here you are. Is Mr. Watson in his office? […]...
- Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, “I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.” “Well ” says Chelsea, “you could throw […]...
- The Diet BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER 2 loaves garlic bread 1 large pepperoni & […]...
- Last Lunch Three steel workers were having lunch at the construction site, a 20 story building. The first worker is Italian and when he looks in his lunch box, he exclaims, “Oh, no, if I have to eat spaghetti for lunch one more time, I going to jump off the 20th floor and kill myself.” The second […]...
- Santa’s Pet Peeves Department Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that’s fruitcake on your breath, not gin 7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it 6. Even with the costume, people recognizing you from “Crime Watch” 5. Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids […]...
- It’s not a big deal, but it feels good A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day […]...
- A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise A married man thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shop rather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him. “What color?” they asked. He settled for white. “How much does it cost?” he asked. “Twenty dollars.” “Very good,” he thought. All that […]...
- Перевод слова usual Usual – обычный, обыкновенный Перевод слова The usual terms – обычные условия he said all the usual things – он сказал все, что принято говорить in the usual sense – в обычном понимании He arrived late as Usual. Он приехал поздно, как обычно. She is not my Usual doctor. Она не является моим лечащим врачом. […]...
- A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church. However, the atheist’s life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, […]...
- A blonde goes for a job interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you […]...
- Irritating Co-workers Since our office reorganization, I’ve been sharing an office with Isabel. We’ve been Getting on each other’s nerves. Pete: Hey, Isabel, can you Cut that out? Isabel: Cut what out? I’m not doing anything. Pete: You’re tapping your pencil on your desk. It’s Driving me crazy. Isabel: Okay, I will if you’ll stop Slurping your […]...
- Meals and Cooking Топик Еда и приготовление пищи рассказывает о самых распространенных продуктах питания и способах их приготовления. Особое внимание уделено правилам питания и времени приема пищи, принятым в Великобритании. Уточняется разница, существующая в этих понятиях, в обеспеченных домах и в домах обычных граждан. И конечно, не обойдено вниманием знаменитое английское чаепитие “5 o’clock”. When we cook, we […]...