Warning labels

Related topics:

1. Newly issued alcohol warnings The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage. 1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a […]...
2. On their honeymoon night On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on. The waist alone was twice her body. She said, “I can’t wear your pants.” “That’s right,” intoned the groom, “And don’t you forget it. I’m the one who wears the pants in the family.” The bride […]...
3. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
4. Saving the situation After attending a party for his boss, the life of the party was nursing a king-size hangover and asked his wife, “What the hell happened?” “As usual, you made an ass of yourself in front of your boss,” replied the wife. “Piss on him,” answered the husband. “You did,” said the wife, “and he fired […]...
5. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barman Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks […]...
6. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
7. Understanding Drug Labels Bernie: Oh, I’m in so much pain! Where is the Medication we got from the Pharmacy? Gloria: It’s right here, but we need to read the Label first. Okay, these are the Active ingredients and they seem okay. This Warning says that we need To watch out for any Allergic reactions. It also says to […]...
8. It’s not a big deal, but it feels good A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day […]...
9. A miserable rooster A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders. He says, “What the hell is that all about?” The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes […]...
10. Значение идиомы pants [pants] See: ANTS IN ONE’S PANTS, CATCH ONE WITH ONE’S PANTS DOWN, FANCY PANTS, FLY BY THE SEAT OF ONE’S PANTS, GET THE LEAD OUT OF ONE’spanTS, KICK IN THE PANTS, WEAR THE TROUSERS or WEAR THE PANTS....
11. Rating Christmas parties If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you’ll be expected to throw another great party next year. What you should have done was throw the kind of […]...
12. Перевод слова alcohol Alcohol – алкоголь, спирт Перевод слова Absolute alcohol – чистый спирт denatured alcohol – денатурат methyl alcohol – метиловый спирт alcohol addict – алкоголик I abstain from Alcohol. Я воздерживаюсь от алкоголя. Alcohol fogs his brain. Алкоголь затуманивает его мозги. His breath stank of Alcohol. От него воняло перегаром. Примеры из жизни Обратите внимание, что […]...
13. A fair warning Tourist guide at zoo: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is the elephant, the largest animal to roam the lands. Every day the elephant eats 3 dozen bunches of bananas, 6 tons of hay, and 2000 pounds of assorted fruits. Madam, please don’t stand near the elephant’s backside…. Madam, PLEASE don’t stand near the elephant’s backside… MADAM… […]...
14. Want some of this? Mongo’s old lady decided she wanted t do something special to please him on his birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless panties. That night, as he came into the house, she lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle. “Hi hon,” she purred sexily. “Y’all want some of this?” “Hell, no!” he hollered. “Look at […]...
15. Значение идиомы hell [hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
16. Nature of Hell A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when […]...
17. Capitalist and Socialist Hell A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, “What […]...
18. Short Christmas jokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter “D” ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he […]...
19. Jack goes to the doctor and says Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?” After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you unless you’re willing to try […]...
20. Get some of this Two cowboys are out rounding up cattle when all of a sudden a heifer takes off and goes wild, the heifer runs into a fence and get’s her head stuck. The two cowboys get over to the fence and the one says to the other: “This is too good to pass up,” gets off his […]...
21. A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. “Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!” “Well, why not try your luck?” replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes […]...
22. Cleverest women are the heaviest drinkers Those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. A similar link between educational attainment and alcohol consumption is seen among men, but the correlation is less strong. The findings come from a comprehensive study carried out at the London […]...
23. A substitute for women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked his friend. The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
24. A little girl was walking along a beach in California A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, “What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?” The man said, “Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!” The man thought nothing of […]...
25. Перевод слова hell Hell – ад, преисподня; черт (ругательство) Перевод слова To make smb.’s life a hell – превратить чью-л. жизнь в ад to suffer through hell – переносить муки ада oh hell! – черт возьми! hell of a way – чертовски далеко Who the Hell are you? Кто ты такой, черт побери? To Hell with the flaming […]...
26. This man was sitting quietly reading his paper This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written […]...
27. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
28. Значение идиомы a hell of [a hell of] a [or one hell of a] {adj. or adv. phr.}, {informal} Extraordinary; very. He made a hell of a shot during the basketball game. Max said seven months was a hell of a time to have to wait for a simple visa. The fall Max took left one hell of a bruise […]...
29. A gentler way At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out, “Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night.” The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. “Sergeant,” he said afterwards, “that’s a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle and less […]...
30. A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to an extremely gorgeous woman. The first thing he notices about her though, are her pants. They were skin-tight, high-waisted and had no obvious mechanism (zipper, buttons or velcro) for opening them. After several minutes of puzzling over how she got the pants up over […]...
31. ‘Twas the Night After Christmas ‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had […]...
32. No exit An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess; the route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the […]...
33. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
34. Reading Food Labels Amy: Put a big bag of those potato chips in the basket. Giorgio: Have you read the Nutritional label on these chips? Amy: No, but look. This doesn’t have very much Saturated fat, Trans fat, or Sodium. Giorgio: Look at the Serving size. It’s three potato chips. How often do you stop at three chips? […]...
35. Значение идиомы leave flat [leave flat] {v. phr.}, {informal} To quit or leave suddenlywithout warning when wanted or needed; desert; forsake; abandon. Sam found that being a member of the trail-clearing group was a lotof hard work, so he left them flat. My car ran out of gas and leftme flat, ten miles from town. Compare: LEAVE IN THE […]...
36. Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, “Mama! I […]...
37. A man decided to have a face lift A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think […]...
38. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
39. Chemistry song 06 Quantum Chemistry On the first day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: An exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the second day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: a double integral and an exam in Quantum Chemistry. On the third day of Christmas, my professor gave to me: three orbitals, a double integral, and […]...
40. Without a Christmas bonus Ten signs you’re not getting a christmas bonus 10. Co-workers refer to you as “the ghost of unemployment future” 9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial 8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips 7. What you call “my new […]...