Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned

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1. An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise shipAn old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: «Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this ... Читать далее...
2. Visiting a MuseumI wanted to visit the National Museum, but when I arrived, it was closed. Rudy: Can you tell me the Hours of operation for the Museum? Guard: It’s open from 10 a. m. to 5 p. m., Monday through Saturday. It’s closed on Sunday. Rudy: Thanks. I’ll be back tomorrow. —— The next day, I ... Читать далее...
3. A woman and her friend are visiting the zooA woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her ... Читать далее...
4. A rather senile old lady went to her doctorA rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L: ?eh? D: Madam — You have a SUPPOSITORY in your ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова museumMuseum — музей Перевод слова Ethnographic museum — этнографический музей public museum — государственный музей science museum — научный музей museum catalogue — каталог музейных экспонатов to conduct tourists through a museum — водить туристов по музею to do a museum — осматривать музей Entrance to the Museum is free. Вход в музей бесплатный. We’ll ... Читать далее...
6. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
7. Deaf lady in troubleOne day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his ... Читать далее...
8. The Director of the Scottish Tartans MuseumThe Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonald was in America. An old lady fixed her gaze on his 17th Century sporran and asked, «What, exactly, do you keep in your scrotum?»...
9. An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenlyAn Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, «Do you smell something?» «Why, yes, I do,» he replied. «What ... Читать далее...
10. A work of artA tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. «What on earth,» she inquired of the artist standing nearby, «is that?» He smiled condescendingly. «That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.» ... Читать далее...
11. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
12. Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
13. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old ladyAn attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. «We have come for an examination,» said the young girl. «Alright,» said the doctor. «Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.» «No, not me,» said the girl. «it’s my old aunt here.» «Very well,» said the doctor. «Madam, stick ... Читать далее...
14. Visiting a lawyer for advice, the wife saidVisiting a lawyer for advice, the wife said, «I want you to help me get a divorce. The Lawyer says OK, what are your grounds. My husband is getting a little queer to sleep with.» «What do you mean?» asked the attorney. «Does he force you to indulge in unusual sex practices?» «No,» replied the ... Читать далее...
15. An old lady owned two monkeysAn old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxodermist. «So you want them mounted?» asked the taxidermist. To which she replied: «No. Holding hands will do just fine.»...
16. A lady from California purchased a piece of timber landA lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that ... Читать далее...
17. Getting In-Flight ServiceI pushed the Call button to get the attention of the Flight attendant. Flight attendant: Yes? What can I do for you? Hal: It’s very cold in the Cabin. Is it possible to get a Blanket? Flight attendant: We’re out of blankets, but here’s a Pillow. Hal: Okay, thanks. I was asleep during the Meal ... Читать далее...
18. An old lady lived by herself in a small houseAn old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he ... Читать далее...
19. An American tourist is visiting ChinaAn American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: «How large is the population here?» «Around 1.5 billion» — the guide answers American, After a short pause: «So, what else do you do here?»...
20. Пословица / поговорка a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: a faint heart never won a lady / faint heart never won fair lady Перевод: робкому сердцу не завоевать прекрасной дамы (т. е. робость мешает успеху) Эквивалент в русском языке: смелость города берет Пример: The man must be more aggressive if he wants to find a girlfriend. He should remember that a ... Читать далее...
21. A tourist, visiting a small town in IsraelA tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to «The Unknown Soldier». At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: «Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg». The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name. The resident replied, «As a soldier, that ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы lady-killer[lady-killer] {n.}, {informal} 1. Any man who has strong sex appealtoward women. Joe is a regular lady-killer. 2. A man whorelentlessly pursues amorous conquests, is successful at it, and thenabandons his heartbroken victims. The legendary Don Juan of Spainis the most famous lady-killer of recorded history. Compare: LADY’SMAN....
23. I am called a PrincessThe United Airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, «Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that ... Читать далее...
24. A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kiltA young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. «Reach up there and find out.» She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, «Oh, it’s gruesome!» «Aye, it has,» replied the Scotsman, «and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!»...
25. A lady was in a hardware store looking atA lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said ‘I am blind drop it on the ground and i’ll tell ya. She dropped it on the ground.’Aahh that’s 10.00.’ She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, ... Читать далее...
26. The Amazing Flying DogA woman is out looking for a pet, and so she’s trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, «I’ve got just the thing for you madam. I’ll just get him.» With that, he disappears into ... Читать далее...
27. Driving DirectionsI was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work ... Читать далее...
28. Driving DirectionsI was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work ... Читать далее...
29. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Музей (Museum)»По-английски Перевод на русский Dina: Hi, Adam. How are you? Дина: Привет, Адам. Как у тебя дела? Adam: Hi, Dina. I’m fine, thank you. And you? Адам: Привет, Дина. У меня все отлично. Как ты? Dina: I’m very well, thanks. What are your plans for tomorrow? Дина: Все хорошо, спасибо. Какие у тебя планы на ... Читать далее...
30. Перевод слова modernModern — современный, новый Перевод слова A close-up of modern society — изучение современного общества an apartment with all the modern conveniences — квартира со всеми современными удобствами modern dance — современный танец She is learning Modern Greek. Она учит современный греческий язык. He had no use for Modern art. Ему совершенно не нравилось современное ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы visiting nurse[visiting nurse] {n.} A nurse who goes from home to home takingcare of sick people or giving help with other health problems. After John returned home from the hospital, the visiting nurse cameeach day to change his bandages....
32. A little boy and his dad are standing in lineA little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, «hey dad, look how fat that lady is!» «Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.» «But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!» «Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!» ... Читать далее...
33. A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swimA shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top. She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest. Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, «Lady, if ... Читать далее...
34. Школьный музей/ School MuseumНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык School Museum Школьный музей “What a good museum we have in our school!” — that is what everyone who visit our school museum thinks. The town where I live in is not very big. There are not many galleries and museums. However, we have a good museum in ... Читать далее...
35. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remoteAn attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes ... Читать далее...
36. Русский музей/ Russian MuseumНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Russian Museum Русский музей The State Russian Museum is the largest museum of Russian art in the world. It is situated in Saint Petersburg in the Mikhailovsky Palace. The building of the museum is another example of Saint Petersburg’s posh architecture. It was first built by Nicholas II ... Читать далее...
37. A real bastardA little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. «What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?» «It’s mean!», the boy sniffed, «My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!» «That’s ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы lady’s man[lady’s man] {n.} A man or boy who likes to be with women or girlsvery much and is popular with them. Charlie is quite a lady’s mannow....
39. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
40. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the marketThere was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a ... Читать далее...