Ultra dumb people 01

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1. Ultra dumb people 02 A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. In Ohio, an unidentified man in his […]...
2. Edgar Allan Poe Edgar Allan Poe, outstanding romantic poet, critic, romancer and short story writer, was one of the first professional writers of the United States. He had a rare talent and in France and Russia of his days he was considered to be the only American poet of significance. Edgar Poe was born in Boston (Massachusetts) in […]...
3. Repairing an Appliance Virginia: Hand me that screwdriver, will you? Alonso: Don’t tell me you’re trying To fix that dryer yourself. We need to call in an Authorized repairman or repairwoman. Virginia: Do you have any idea what they’ll Charge? Alonso: All right, then I’ll call a Handyman and see if he knows anything about fixing dryers. Virginia: […]...
4. Перевод слова west West – запад, к западу, на запад Перевод слова Geographic west – географический запад to travel west – ехать на запад west of Moscow – к западу от Москвы The route lay to the West. Дорога простиралась на запад. The route then heads West over Gerrick Moor. Затем маршрут вел на запад через Gerrick Moor. […]...
5. Перевод слова classmate Classmate – одноклассник, сокурсник Перевод слова He is a classmate of mine – мы с ним учимся в одном классе He plagiarized a Classmate’s report. Он списал отчет одноклассника. The children mocked their handicapped Classmate. Дети издевались над своим одноклассником который был инвалидом. As a college student, he was always willing to help fellow Classmates […]...
6. Значение идиомы fire [fire] See: BALL OF FIRE, BETWEEN THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE SEAor BETWEEN TWO FIRES, BUILD A FIRE UNDER, BURNT CHILD DREADS THE FIRE, CATCH FIRE, DRAW FIRE, FAT’S IN THE FIRE, FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE, HANGFIRE, HEAP COALS OF FIRE ON ONE’S HEAD, HOLD ONE’S FIRE or HOLD FIRE, IRON IN THE FIRE, […]...
7. Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) Thomas Jefferson, one of the American Presidents of the past, wasborn in Virginia in 1743. When he was 14 years old, his fatherdied and the young boy was left to choose for himself what to do. Jefferson studied literature and languages. He also studied to bea lawyer, and later he wrote many of the Virginia […]...
8. Famous people Eugene d’Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, “Congratulations, Herr d’Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife.” During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was […]...
9. Перевод слова policy Policy – политика, система, методика Перевод слова Carrot-and-stick policy – политика кнута и пряника first-in-first-out policy – очередность обслуживания в порядке поступления employment policy – политика полной занятости to adopt a policy – принимать курс Honesty is the best Policy. Честность – лучшая политика. It was bad Policy to attempt disguise. Притворяться было глупо. The […]...
10. Dumb intercourse “Information. Can I help you?” “I’d like the number of the Theater Guild, please.” “One moment, please.” Pause. “I’m sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.” “No, no. It isn’t a person. It’s an organization. It’s Theater Guild.” “I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.” “Not *Theodore*! […]...
11. Перевод слова intelligence Intelligence – интеллект, ум, умственные способности Перевод слова A man of no small intelligence – очень неглупый человек a high order of intelligence – высокий интеллект intelligence test – проверка умственных способностей outstanding intelligence – выдающийся ум It is difficult to quantify Intelligence. Трудно измерить уровень интеллекта. Dolphins show a high level of Intelligence. Дельфины […]...
12. Virginia Jokes Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don’t Mix? – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Virginia: Please don’t confuse us […]...
13. Attempts by the dumb SIX DIE TRYING TO SAVE CHICKEN – August 1, 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP) – Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled […]...
14. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by […]...
15. Stupid people awards 01 The Darwin Awards The long awaited 1999 Darwin “Natural Selection” Awards have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies And Gentlemen… (drum roll… and envelope please)… We proudly […]...
16. Truly stupid people 01 A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He’s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to […]...
17. Students suspended for riding horses to school Pranks become more common as the school year wraps up for many students. This 2015 story is going viral after being posted on Reddit this week. Two high school seniors were suspended after they rode horses to school as part of “No Vehicle to School Day.” The decision to not use vehicles to get to […]...
18. A man was driving through West Virginia A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, “I’m moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here?” The men answered, “Go hunt’n, kill things, ‘n screw”. He then asked, “What do you hunt and kill?” […]...
19. Education in Australia – Образование в Австралии There exists a centralized national system of education in Australia. The top of this system is the Federal Ministry of Education. But there are still many differences in the structure and the curricula of schools in different states. There exist two types of schools in the country: state schools and private schools. Tuition in state […]...
20. Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to be Three college students were rapping about who they’d like to be cast off on a desert with. The first one opted for Cindy Crawford. The next one chose Pamela Anderson. The third man chose Virginia Pipeline. “Never heard of her.” his companions protested. “Who is she?” “Why she’s just the greatest Italian gal of all, […]...
21. Stupid people awards 02 The 2000 Darwin awards! (15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum […]...
22. Blondes dumb?!?!? After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it […]...
23. Seeing an Eye Doctor I’ve been getting a lot of headaches the past few weeks and my co-worker suggested I go see an Optometrist. Dr. Olho: Okay, let’s take a look. Do you wear Glasses or Contacts? Virginia: I used to, but I had Laser eye surgery three years ago and I don’t wear them anymore. Dr. Olho: I […]...
24. Dumb Intercourse II “Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.” “Would you spell that, please?” “Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you.” The operator pauses. “Just a minute, sir. I’ll connect you with […]...
25. Three people were standing on the Titanic Three people were standing on the Titanic, An American, a Brit and an belgian. It was almost sinking. The captain told everyone to go into the liveboats. The Brit yelled “Women and children first”. The American said “Screw the women and children” and the Belgian answered “Huh, do we have enough time left to do […]...
26. School Education in the USA The federal government pays little attention to school education in the USA. There is neither a uniform school system in the USA, nor a uniform curriculum. Each state has its own system of schools. But there are some common features in the organization of school education in the country. Schools in the USA can be […]...
27. Seasons and Months A year is the average time it takes for the Earth to go once round the Sun. There are 12 months or 52 weeks or 365 days in a year. Every four years there is a leap year. It has 366 days. The names of the months are: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, […]...
28. Jokes about Dumb Irishmen The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. […]...
29. There were two people having sex in a car There were two people having sex in a car. They finished up and the guy thew the comdom out the window. His girlfriend got mad at him she wanted to go again. So he got out of the car and went to find the condom. He found that a little boy had found it and […]...
30. Humor about Dumb Irishmen The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the […]...
31. Stupid people stories IDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was […]...
32. Truly stupid people 02 Top honors for “Human Projectile of the Month” go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual “Darwin Award”. That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers […]...
33. Значение идиомы get going [get going] {v.}, {informal} 1. To excite; stir up and make angry. The boys’ teasing gets John going. Talking about her frecklesgets Mary going. 2. or {chiefly British} [get cracking] To begin tomove; get started. The teacher told Walter to get going on hishistory lesson. The foreman told the workmen to get cracking. Let’s get […]...
34. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year […]...
35. What is intelligence Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, “Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?” “I don’t know,” responded the other. “I’ll ask him.” So he climbed out of the hole […]...
36. Wooden back houses This joke has been done 50 (yes, 50) years ago by my father-in-law. First, a little background: He lived in a small village, north-west of Quebec City along the St-Laurent river. In those days, toilets were located outside the house in what we call in good ol’ french canadian ‘becosse’, from ‘back house’ I think. […]...
37. A regular Friday night poker game A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. “Roger, listen,” he told the host, “Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife.” “OK, that’s it, guys,” Roger said. “This is positively the last deal.”...
38. What thin people do By Barbara Florio Graham From McCall’s, June, 1983, I read every diet I can get my hands on. I even follow their suggestions. But eventually, inevitably, I always get fat again. Now, at last, I’ve found The Answer. After living for almost 14 years with a man who never gains an ounce no matter what […]...
39. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
40. Топик “Люди и телевидение” (People and Television) One day I was walking along the embankment. The weather was not very fine and I decided to go home and to watch TV. But my parents were fond of television and always told that it was their only pleasure. They watched various pop-concerts, comedies and TV series. I could only watch their favorite programs. […]...