Two men were walking through the woods when

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1. Two blondes were walking through the woodsTwo blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said «These look like deer tracks.» The other said, «No, they look like moose tracks.» They argued and argued and were still arguing when the train hit them....
2. Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woodsLittle Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree. «Ah-ha….,» The Big Bad Wolf said, «Now I’ve got you and I’m going to eat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!…» Little Red Riding Hood said angrily, «Damn it, ... Читать далее...
3. One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lostOne day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost. For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out. He had not eaten anything during this period and was famished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle, killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a ... Читать далее...
4. Значение идиомы crow before one is out of the woods[crow before one is out of the woods] {v. phr.} To be glad or brag before you are safe from danger or trouble. — Usually used in negative sentences, often as a proverb, «Don’t crow before you are out of the woods.» John thought his team would win because the game was almost over, but ... Читать далее...
5. Значение идиомы take to the woods[take to the woods] {v. phr.}, {informal} To run away and hide. When John saw the girls coming, he took to the woods. Bob took tothe woods so he would not have to mow the grass. Compare: HEAD FORTHE HILLS....
6. Значение идиомы neck of the woods[neck of the woods] {n. phr.}, {informal} Part of the country;place; neighborhood; vicinity. We visited Illinois and Iowa lastsummer; in that neck of the woods the corn really grows tall. Wewere down in your neck of the woods last week....
7. Перевод идиомы out of the woods, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: out of the woods Идиома: out of the woods разг. Перевод: выйти из трудной ситуации, из затруднительного положения Пример: It is true that the economy is getting stronger, but we are not out of the woods yet. Экономика, действительно, улучшается, но трудности еще не закончились....
8. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
9. The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woodsThe duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he’d noticed that the club professional had been watching. «What club should ... Читать далее...
10. Catching the bearTwo men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran ... Читать далее...
11. Значение идиомы babe in the woods[babe in the woods] {n. phr.} A person who is inexperienced or innocent in certain things. He is a good driver, but as a mechanich is just a babe in the woods. Compare: OVER ONE’S HEAD, BEYOND ONE’S DEPTH....
12. This businessman was walking down the sidewalkThis businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman ... Читать далее...
13. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы walking papers[walking papers] or [walking orders] also [walking ticket] {n.},{informal} A statement that you are fired from your job; dismissal. The boss was not satisfied with Paul’s work and gave him his walkingpapers. George is out of work. He picked up his walking ticketlast Friday....
15. Перевод идиомы babe in the woods, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: babe in the woods Перевод: сущий младенец; неопытный, простодушный, или наивный человек Пример: As a painter Bill is fine, but he was a babe in the woods when it comes to writing songs or poetry. Художник из Билла отличный, но что касается написания песен или стихов, здесь он сущий младенец....
16. Перевод слова pairPair — пара, парные предметы, чета Перевод слова A pair of candlesticks — пара подсвечников pair of gloves — пара перчаток pair of oars — лодка с двумя гребцами Just clear out, the Pair of you! А ну, убирайтесь, вы оба! The company is run by a Pair of brothers. Компанией управляют два брата. She ... Читать далее...
17. Shopping for Men’s ShoesCurran: I like these Tennis shoes. I need a new pair. Beth: We’re here to buy you some Dress shoes for attending Chelsey’s wedding. You can’t go wearing those Worn out loafers, and you need time To break them in. Curran: All right. Just pick whatever you think is suitable and let’s go. Beth: Don’t ... Читать далее...
18. Shopping for Men’s ShoesCurran: I like these Tennis shoes. I need a new pair. Beth: We’re here to buy you some Dress shoes for attending Chelsey’s wedding. You can’t go wearing those Worn out loafers, and you need time To break them in. Curran: All right. Just pick whatever you think is suitable and let’s go. Beth: Don’t ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы walking encyclopedia[walking encyclopedia] {n. phr.} A polymath; a person very wellversed in a number of different disciplines. My uncle is averitable walking encyclopedia when it comes to the history of WorldWar II. Contrast: WALKING DICTIONARY....
20. Shoe shoppingA man walks into a shoe store… …and tries on a pair of shoes. «How do they feel?» asks the sales clerk. «Well… they feel a bit tight.» replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. «Try pulling the tongue out.» offers the clerk. ... Читать далее...
21. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
22. I was walking down an alley last nightI was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, «Help! Help!» coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t ... Читать далее...
23. Two senior couples are walking along, wives in frontTwo senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in back. Herb says to Sam, «Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Good prices too.» Sam says, «Well, we like to eat out too. What was the name of the restaurant?» Herb says, «You’ll going to ... Читать далее...
24. A man was walking in the street when he heard a voiceA man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: «Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.» The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод сленгового выражения walking on eggshells, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: walking on eggshells Перевод: быть в затруднительном положении; быть на краю опасности или гибели Синоним: walking on thin ice Пример: Ever since I smashed their car, I’ve been walking on eggshells with my parents. С тех пор, как я разбил машину своих родителей, отношения у меня с ними затруднительные. We’re walking on eggshells ... Читать далее...
26. How Smart Are You?How Smart Are You? —————— 20 Correct — Genius 17 Correct — Above Normal 15 Correct — Normal 8 Correct — Nincompoop 6 Correct — Moron 3 Correct — Idiot QUESTIONS 1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 ... Читать далее...
27. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
28. In the back woods of ArkansasIn the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, «Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.» ... Читать далее...
29. Значение идиомы on one’s feet[on one’s feet] {adv. phr.} 1. Standing or walking; not sitting orlying down; up. Before the teacher finished asking the question, George was on his feet ready to answer it. In a busy gasolinestation, the attendant is on his feet all day. Compare: TO ONE’SFEET. Contrast: OFF ONE’S FEET. 2. Recovering; getting better fromsickness or ... Читать далее...
30. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
31. Two men were walking along the street whenTwo men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, «I sure wish I could do that.» The other replied, «You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.»...
32. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
33. Dealing With Foot ProblemsWalt: What are you doing? Francesca: I’m selecting and organizing my photos for a Presentation. Walt: Oh, can I see? All of these photos are of feet! Francesca: Well, I am a Podiatrist and I’m giving a talk about foot conditions. Walt: Ew, some of these are really Disgusting! Francesca: You’re looking at some of ... Читать далее...
34. A pastor in Maine skipped services one SundayA pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting. Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and ... Читать далее...
35. A nun is walking down a deserted road whenA nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, «Hey Sister, what are you going to tell the other Sisters now?» «I’ll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and raped me twice….unless you’re ... Читать далее...
36. Two nuns are walking down an alleyTwo nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, «Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!» The second one says, «This one does!»...
37. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hookerThis guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, «Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.» «Sure,» he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, «Is ... Читать далее...
38. A priest and a lawyer are walking downA priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, «How’d you like to fuck that?» To which the lawyer replied, «Out of what?»...
39. Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asksPappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, «Where ya going boy?» The son smiled and replied, «I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue.» The Father said, «When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.» «Sure Pa, I know.» the boy said. «And look what you got!»...
40. Once upon a time a man was walking downOnce upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. «Master, I shall now grant you one wish.» The man spoke, his eyes bulging with desire. ... Читать далее...