Two men were boasting to each other

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1. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
2. A blonde went to the appliance store sale A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman. “Sorry we don’t sell to blondes,” he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.” “Sorry we don’t sell […]...
3. Значение идиомы slap one’s wrist [slap one’s wrist] {v. phr.} To receive a light punishment. Shecould have been fired for contradicting the company president inpublic, but all she got was a slap on the wrist....
4. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
5. England Jokes Q: What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? A: The tea bag stays in the cup longer. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
6. CHECK THE BUFFETT! In a Texas bar, The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the regulars. So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them “whip ’em out”.Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar, at the same time a gay guy walks into the bar. Fred ask the man […]...
7. Значение идиомы slap in the face [slap in the face ] {n.} An insult; a disappointment. We feltthat it was a slap in the face when our gift was returned unopened. Doris thought it was a slap in the face when her boyfriend invitedanother girl to the dance. Compare: KICK IN THE PANTS....
8. A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?”, they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in […]...
9. The new hooker had just finished her first trick The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, “Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine.” “Well? What did he want to do?” they all asked. She said, “I told him that a […]...
10. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
11. An extremely loyal fan There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself “what a waste” he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, “Is […]...
12. They’re Boasting about Race Records Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!” Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!” “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking […]...
13. Where are we going An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. “Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.” “How can you tell?” asked the American. “I can feel the cold air.” he replied. […]...
14. A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt. “Reach up there and find out.” She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said, “Oh, it’s gruesome!” “Aye, it has,” replied the Scotsman, “and if you put your hand back up there, it’ll grow some more!”...
15. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
16. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
17. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
18. SunChips’ New 100% Compostable Bag Is Hilariously, Ear-Damagingly Loud There’s one kinda big problem with SunChips’ new 100% compostable bag: It’s noisy as Hell. An Air Force pilot says it’s louder than the cockpit of his jet, and this video test pegs it at a potentially damaging 95 decibels. Yes, this bag of chips crinkles up to 95 decibels, about five dB higher than […]...
19. Spain Jokes Spanish dining An American tourist goes into a restaurant in Spain and orders the specialty of the house. When his dinner arrives, he asks the waiter what it is. “These, senor,” replied the waiter in broken English, “are the arms of the bull killed in the ring today.” The tourist swallowed hard but tasted the […]...
20. Fun with telemarketers What to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I’m sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them […]...
21. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
22. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket please?” The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”. “Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man. […]...
23. Перевод слова arms Arms – оружие, вооружение Перевод слова Arms dealer – торговец оружием arms expenditure – расходы на вооружение arms reduction – сокращение вооружений Present Arms! На караул! (команда) Arms! / To Arms! К оружию! The Arms race has slowed down. Гонка вооружений сбавила обороты. Интересные факты Подобное написание можно встретить как формы других слов: – present […]...
24. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
25. Hiring an accountant Kowalski, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?” “Twenty-two,” Kowalski replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he should have taken it to […]...
26. During the Vietnam war During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. “Didn’t you hear me say that we’re outnumbered 4 to 1 ?” The Marine replied, “I got my four Sir.”...
27. Could you please pass The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband’s lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. “I demand proper manners in bed,” she declared, “just as I do at the dinner table.” Amused by his wife’s formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. “Is that better?” […]...
28. Значение идиомы up in arms [up in arms] {adj. phr.} 1. Equipped with guns or weapons and readyto fight. All of the colonies were up in arms against theRedcoats. Syn.: IN ARMS. 2. Very angry and wanting to fight. Robert is up in arms because John said he was stupid. Thestudents were up in arms over the new rule against […]...
29. Finding a Chinese Jew Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid,” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China?” “I don’t know,” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?” When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews?” “I don’t know sir, let me ask,” the waiter replied, and he went […]...
30. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
31. A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman. They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it. After a week the private comes back all happy and […]...
32. Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. […]...
33. Take her apart! A young boy asked his mother “Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?” “Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?” replied by his mother The young boy answered ” The other day, Daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass […]...
34. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
35. One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the […]...
36. Reaching the end of a job interview Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?” The engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks […]...
37. Перевод идиомы slap in the face, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: slap in the face Перевод: пощечина, оскорбление Пример: Not getting a promotion was a slap in the face for the sales manager. То, что менеджер по продажам не получил повышения, было ему как пощечина....
38. An Other one Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s […]...
39. A hearing problem An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20′ behind her and asked “Can you hear me sweetheart”?. No reply. Moved to 10′ and inquired again. No reply. 5′ and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked “Can you hear me now honey”? His wife said “For the […]...
40. One day a little boy over heard his parents One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, “You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!” The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out […]...