Two attorneys went into a diner

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1. A man stops by a diner at noon A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and […]...
2. Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.” “A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is […]...
3. Drinking too much A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket, and ordered a double scotch. A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, he told the bartender that he’s had enough. The bartender […]...
4. Clinton is vacationing Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. […]...
5. Значение идиомы shrug off [shrug off] or [shrug away] {v.} To act as if you are notinterested and do not care about something; not mind; not let yourselfbe bothered or hurt by. Alan shrugged off our questions; he wouldnot tell us what had happened. Muriel shrugged away every attemptto comfort her. The ballplayer shrugged off the booing of thefans. […]...
6. A woman was thinking about finding a pet A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn’t be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large […]...
7. An Unscrupulous Partner My friend Charles convinced me to go into business with him about a year ago. I wish I had had The benefit of hindsight to say “no.” I was too Trusting and that was my Downfall. At first, everything was fine. We Worked our butts off to get the business off the ground. But as […]...
8. Значение идиомы shoulder [shoulder] See: CHIP ON ONE’S SHOULDER, COLD SHOULDER, GOOD HEAD ONONE’S SHOULDERS, HEAD AND SHOULDERS, PUT ONE’S SHOULDER TO THE WHEEL, ON ONE’S SHOULDERS, RUB ELBOWS or RUB SHOULDERS, SQUARE ONE’SSHOULDERS, WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON ONE’S SHOULDERS....
9. Значение идиомы on the house [on the house] {adj. phr.}, {informal} Paid for by the owner. Atthe opening of the new hotel, the champagne was on the house. Oscar was the first customer at the diner, so his lunch was on thehouse....
10. Dining at a Restaurant I (Fast) Well, I love going out to restaurants to eat. One of the best experiences I’ve had recently was at a place here in Los Angeles called Il Fornaio. It’s an Italian restaurant in a very nice part of Beverly Hills. I don’t go there very often-I can’t really afford it, but every once in a […]...
11. Перевод слова owner Owner – владелец, собственник Перевод слова Joint owner – совладелец right owner – законный владелец the owner of a car – владелец автомобиля I met the Owner of the local hotel. Я встретил владельца местного отеля. The Owner’s mark was on all the sheep. Клеймо владельца стояло на всех овцах. The Owner is having to […]...
12. Indicator A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch. Finally, the bartender […]...
13. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2 McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. “S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all […]...
14. I have a magical dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they […]...
15. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
16. A dancing duck A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin’ and dealin’ they […]...
17. Значение идиомы square one’s shoulders [square one’s shoulders] {v. phr.} To stand strong and ready togive battle; be brave. Jack squared his shoulders and entered thegame. Graduates must square their shoulders and face the world....
18. Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill and […]...
19. Значение идиомы good head on one’s shoulders [good head on one’s shoulders] {n. phr.} Good sense; good judgment. Jack has a good head on his shoulders; he never drives too fast. Alice is a girl with a good head on her shoulders, she always keepsgood company. George showed he had a good head on his shoulders byrefusing to cheat....
20. Значение идиомы head and shoulders [head and shoulders] {adv. phr.} 1. By the measure of the head andshoulders. The basketball player is head and shoulders taller thanthe other boys. 2. By far; by a great deal; very much. She is headand shoulders above the rest of the class in singing. See: FAR ANDAWAY....
21. Rooms in a House I don’t like cats. That’s not really true. I like cats, but they don’t like me. Last week, my friend Sara asked me To babysit her cat for two days while she was out of town. Normally, I would have said no, but she was In a jam, so I said okay. As I said, […]...
22. Rolls Royce vs. Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulled up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. He rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls. “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got a phone in my Yugo!” The driver of the Rolls looked over and […]...
23. Battles on the sea The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company. THE U. S. shipping company had a new ship built. It was to be the pride of the fleet, and something special was wanted to decorate the captain’s saloon, a large living room/office where the vessel’s business and entertaining would take […]...
24. A well laid out plan “First,” said the playboy, “I’m going to buy you a few drinks and get you a bit loose.” “Oh no you’re not,” said the girl. “Then I’ll take you to dinner and ply you with a few more drinks.” “Oh no you’re not.” “Then I’ll take you to my place and keep serving you drinks.” […]...
25. Lawyers arrive in Japan Source: Sunday Daily Breeze Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a mater of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically […]...
26. An artist asked the gallery owner An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told […]...
27. An anti-bat spray Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, “Ya know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, “Yea, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in […]...
28. Cops: Would-be robbers nabbed after restaurant owner says ‘come back’, and they do Two men made it easy for authorities to catch them after they tried to hold up a West Rogers Park restaurant using a squirt gun but were told by the owner to return in an hour, officials said. When Mario Garcia, 39, and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez, 28, went back to the restaurant on the 6400 block […]...
29. Bad Pickup Lines My friend and I were at a restaurant waiting for our Dates to arrive. We sat at the bar and tried to Get The Bartender’s Attention to order a couple of drinks. My friend, Tanya, is very pretty. She is always being Hit on By men. So, It was no surprise that Five minutes after […]...
30. The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail left towm. Deeply concerned, postal authorities in Washington wrote the postmaster to inquire why. They received this short and simple explantion: “The bag ain’t full yet.”...
31. A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!” The driver of Rolls looks […]...
32. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, “Do all the waiters […]...
33. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”...
34. A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor surgery A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She’s laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre door to go in and check whether everything is ready. A young man wearing a […]...
35. Bying a horse This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend “I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I’m sending him over.” The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. “A female horth,” the midget replies. So the […]...
36. I wrote it! There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, “I’ve never seen you in her before.” The guy says, “Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing […]...
37. Bad Manners at a Business Lunch Yolanda: I will never invite George to another business lunch with Clients again! Sunan: Why, what happened? Yolanda: George has the worst Manners of anyone I know. First of all, he was ten minutes late. And as soon as he sat down, his cell phone rang and he answered it! Sunan: Maybe it was an […]...
38. Значение идиомы as far as that goes [as far as that goes] or [as far as that is concerned] or [so far as that is concerned] also [so far as that goes] {adv. phr.} While we are talking about it; also; actually. You don’t have to worry about the girls. Mary can take care of herself, and as far as that goes, […]...
39. Asking About Business Hours Store owner: Hello. Karin: Hello, is this Joe’s Shoe Repair? Store owner: Yes, how can I help you? Karin: I’m calling to find out your Business hours. Store owner: We’re open 24/7. Karin: Really? You’re open 24 hours a day, Seven days a week? Store owner: Yes, we are, More often than not. Of course […]...
40. Crossing the border While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?”, asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. “Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard. The Cyclist did as he was told, […]...