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1. A bus stops and two Italian men get onA bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: «Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two ... Читать далее...
2. A bus conversationA bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following; «Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together. I come ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова ignorantIgnorant — невежественный, безграмотный, несведущий Перевод слова Ignorant of music — несведущий в музыке to be ignorant of the world — не знать жизни pig-ignorant — полностью невежественный; абсолютный невежда I was Ignorant of the cause. Я не знал причины. I am Ignorant in this field. Я несведущ в этой области. She is Ignorant of ... Читать далее...
4. Birth controlSome women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says «We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.» The next woman says «I am too but we use the rhythm method.» The third woman says «We use the bucket and saucer method.» «What the heck is ... Читать далее...
5. Letting Go of the PastEmma: I think It’s time. Uday: I Beg to differ. Emma: You can’t Live in the past. I know that you like Reliving your Glory days, but the only way To move on is To let go of the past. Uday: I don’t want to move on. If you’ve had the life I’ve had, you’d ... Читать далее...
6. A man and a woman are sitting next to each otherA man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. «My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,» she said. «What a coincidence! My wife just left me,» said the man, «she ... Читать далее...
7. Outdoor Vacation Sports and ActivitiesEmma: Are you ready? Ricardo: Sure, but why are you dressed like that? I thought we were going to play Golf with Kareem and Karen. Emma: I told them we’re going Rock climbing instead. Ricardo: I was really looking forward to a game of golf. Emma: You play golf all the time. How often do ... Читать далее...
8. A guy walks into an elevator and stands nextA guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, «Can I smell your pussy?» The woman looks at him in disgust and says, «Certainly not!» «Hmmm,» he replies. «It must be your feet, then.»...
9. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugsA woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы by turns[by turns] {adv. phr.} First one and then another in a regular way; one substituting for or following another according to a repeated plan. On the drive to Chicago, the three men took the wheel by turns. The teachers were on duty by turns. When John had a fever, he felt cold and hot by ... Читать далее...
11. Soft and HardA man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, «Ma’am, ... Читать далее...
12. There was a man and woman traveling along in their carThere was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says «Did you know you were speeding back there.» The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband «What did he say, what did ... Читать далее...
13. You could Feed them a lot FasterThere was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы take turns[take turns] {v. phr.} To do something one after another instead ofdoing it all at the same time. In class we should not talk all atthe same time; we should take turns. Jean and Beth took turns onthe swing. The two boys took turns at digging the hole. Thethree men took turns driving so one ... Читать далее...
15. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
16. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
17. An Unusual AilmentA man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the ... Читать далее...
18. Bill Clinton Statue Committee1040 Waffle Street Little Rock, Arkansas 72208 Dear Friend; We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for the raising of $5,000,000.00 for placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D. C. This committee was in a quandary as to where to place the statue. It was ... Читать далее...
19. Collection 16At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people — you are obnoxious in a different and worse way! You have a lot of well-wishers. They would all like to throw you down one. You remind me of Moses. Every time you open your mouth, the bull rushes. They say that travel broadens ... Читать далее...
20. The three wishesAn old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when—all of a sudden—a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. «Well, now,» says the old lady, «I guess I would like to be really ... Читать далее...
21. Kind of awkwardA guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to fix some drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he’s looking at it, ... Читать далее...
22. The Pope vs. the QueenThe Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, «I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my ... Читать далее...
23. Help the lonely childSandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all ... Читать далее...
24. Conversation over dinnerConversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not — don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) ... Читать далее...
25. A blonde began a job as an Junior school counselorA blonde began a job as an Junior school counselor, and she was eager to help. One day during break she noticed a boy standing by himself on the side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of football at the other. Sandy approached and asked if he was ... Читать далее...
26. Пословица / поговорка when pigs fly — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: when pigs fly Перевод: когда рак на горе свистнет Эквивалент в русском языке: после дождичка в четверг Пример: I think that my friend will finish his university degree when pigs fly. Probably never. Мне кажется, что мой друг получит университетский диплом только когда рак на горе свистнет. То есть, наверное, никогда....
27. A woman and her friend are visiting the zooA woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her ... Читать далее...
28. The wife of an older man is distraughtThe wife of an older man is distraught because her husband’s um… little sailor can’t salute anymore. She goes to her local doctor and explains the situation and the doctor just feels plain bad for her. The doc thinks for a little bit, turns to the woman and says, «listen, I don’t do this for ... Читать далее...
29. The Insensitive GorillaA woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her ... Читать далее...
30. Harry and his wife are driving in the countryHarry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, «Cow For Sale…$5000.» He pulls in and says to the farmer, «There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.» The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.» He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees ... Читать далее...
31. Guinea pig to become father to 400 after breaking into female enclosureRandy escaped his male only enclosure at Hatton Adventure World in Warwick and broke into the female-only area. Staff at Hatton Country World in Warwickshire couldn’t understand why they suddenly had 100 pregnant guinea pigs on their hands — until they released one of the male rodents had managed to escape his enclosure and infiltrate ... Читать далее...
32. A guy steps into an elevator andA guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, «Oh, I’m so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.» ... Читать далее...
33. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husbandA wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, «You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!» Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, ... Читать далее...
34. Three altar boys are standing in the snow withThree altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, «Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.» The tallest altar boy turns around and ... Читать далее...
35. What’s the definition of the perfect woman?Ok, I’m going to get a lot of hate mail for this one… What’s the definition of the perfect woman? She’s three feet tall, has a round hole for a mouth, and her head is flat so you can put a can on it. The sports model has pull back ears and her teeth fold ... Читать далее...
36. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a questionWhy lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand — a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, «Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?» She responded, «Why, yes I do know ... Читать далее...
37. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
38. Definition of Outdoor BarbecuingDefinition of Outdoor Barbecuing ——————————— It’s the only type of cooking a «real» man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion. (1) The woman goes to the store. (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat ... Читать далее...
39. ‘Missing’ woman unknowingly joins search for herselfA woman who was reported missing from an Icelandic tour unwittingly joined a search for herself. According to the Reykjavik Grapevine, a woman described as «Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well» was listed as missing Saturday near the Eldgjá volcanic canyon in southern Iceland. A search continued through the weekend with ... Читать далее...
40. Перевод слова womanWoman — женщина Перевод слова A woman with history — женщина с прошлым a woman of great insight — необыкновенно проницательная женщина likely young woman — привлекательная молодая женщина man born of woman — смертный The mugger assaulted the Woman. Грабитель напал на женщину. She is a very determined Woman. Она очень решительная женщина. She ... Читать далее...