Titicons

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1. A wife begins to get a little worried because A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. “What happened?” says the wife. “You should have been […]...
2. Перевод слова tiny Tiny – крошечный Перевод слова Tiny parasitic insects – маленькие насекомые-паразиты tiny spark – искорка tiny brook – ручеек tiny tot with yellow hair – малыш с золотистыми волосами The plate had a Tiny chip in the edge. На ободке тарелки была крошечная щербинка. The computer chips were Tiny. Компьютерные микросхемы были крошечные. It was […]...
3. A helping hand Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around […]...
4. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks “What’s that mum? ” His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, “That’s where your dad accidentially hit me […]...
5. Smuggling Across Borders Christina: What is the Holdup? There are cars Backed up for half a mile. Harry: I bet the Border patrol is looking for Smugglers. Christina: Do you really think so? I wonder if there could be a Drug mule in one of these cars carrying Illegal drugs. Harry: It might be drugs, but it could […]...
6. Taking the final exam Two college basketball players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a ________.” Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But […]...
7. Recommending Someone for a Job Harry: I’ve Put in a good word for you with my boss. He said To stop by the store at 4:00 today and he’ll Interview you for the job. Judy: Okay, I think I can make it around 4:00. Harry: Not around 4:00. You need to be there at 4:00 Sharp, got that? I’m Sticking […]...
8. Harry and his wife are driving in the country Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, “Cow For Sale…$5000.” He pulls in and says to the farmer, “There’s no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars.” The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this.” He lifts the cow’s tail, and Harry sees […]...
9. Значение идиомы see the light [see the light] {v. phr.}, {informal} To understand or agree, oftensuddenly; accept another’s explanation or decision. I did notapprove of his action, but he explained his reason and then I saw thelight. Bill wanted Harry to help him, but Harry wasn’t in the mooduntil Bill offered to pay him. Then Harry saw the light. Marythought […]...
10. Lick that Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. “My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!” said young Harry. “Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men… so lick that!” Tommy said. “That’s nothing!” declared little Johnny. “My dad hasn’t wiped his ass […]...
11. What makes a man think he is so great? What makes a man think he’s so great? 1) He has a belly button that won’t work. 2) He has tits that won’t give milk. 3) He has a cock that won’t crow. 4) He has balls that won’t roll. 5) He has an ass that won’t carry a thing....
12. Three guys are discussing women Three guys are discussing women. “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” He asks the third guy “What about you?”. “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”...
13. Значение идиомы regular guy [regular guy] or [regular fellow] {n.}, {informal} A friendlyperson who is easy to get along with; a good sport. You’ll likeTom. He’s a regular guy. Syn.: GOOD EGG....
14. An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I should tell you I have acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don’t have cute tits....
15. The bad news and the good news Harry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for […]...
16. A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!” The cop asked, “What’s he like?” The little boy replied, “Beer and women with big tits.”...
17. Paralyzed A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, “Come here quick, Charlie! I’m paralyzed! I can’t get up!” He comes in, takes a look, and says, “Stand up, you silly old bat. You’re kneeling on one of your tits.”...
18. I think I try a nicer approach Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let […]...
19. Перевод слова regular Regular – регулярный, правильный; нормальный, обычный Перевод слова Regular attendance – регулярное посещение regular pulse – правильный пульс regular footsteps – размеренные шаги to put smth. in its regular place – положить что-л. на свое место Is this coffee instant or Regular? Этот кофе растворимый или обычный? My aunt’s Regular visits cut into my weekends. […]...
20. A milk bath When the milkman found a note on one of his customer’s doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart, he rang the bell. “Sorry to bother you, ma’am,” he said, “but are you sure you want sixteen gallons of milk today?” “Oh, yes,” said the lady of the house. “I’m going to take […]...
21. Alaskan tourism If you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don’t scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to […]...
22. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Don’t flatter yourself” Jean Жан What is that noise? Что это за шум? Harry Гарри What noise? Какой шум? Jean Жан I hear a girl saying “Harry, honey. Please pick up the phone, you stud…” Я слышу, как женский голос говорит: “Гарри, дорогой. Подними, пожалуйста, трубку, красавчик…” Harry Гарри Oh! That’s my new cell phone. It must be […]...
23. Looking to buy a frog A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers it, then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. […]...
24. Значение идиомы fall by the wayside [fall by the wayside] also [drop by the wayside] {v. phr.} To giveup or fail before the finish. The boys tried to make a 50-milehike, but most of them fell by the wayside. George, Harry, andJohn entered college to become teachers, but Harry and John fell bythe wayside, and only George graduated....
25. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
26. Значение идиомы acid head [acid head] {n.}, {slang} A regular user of LSD on whom the hallucinogenic drug has left a visible effect. The reason John acts so funny is that he is a regular acid head....
27. A city boy was visiting the country and A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy […]...
28. A promise to keep “But this isn’t an engagement ring.” the young lady protested. “Why it’s just a tiny unset diamond.” “Yeah! I know.” said the fellow, “And, it’ll be mounted in a cluster around a big one, the very day after you are.”...
29. Значение идиомы below the belt [below the belt] {adv. phr.} 1. In the stomach; lower than is legal in boxing. He struck the other boy below the belt. 2. {informal} In an unfair or cowardly way; against the rules of sportsmanship or justice; unsportingly; wrongly. It was hitting below the belt for Mr. Jones’s rival to tell people about a […]...
30. A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, “How the hell do the two of you have sex?” The big guy says, “I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down.” His friend says, “You […]...
31. A small dissapointment Two GI’s in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs a shit. “I can’t go in here” he says” It’s really going to stink” “There’s another trench over there” says the other. “I’ll cover you with the M60…. just give me a shout and and i’ll cover […]...
32. Mixed football jokes A burglary was recently committed at West Ham’s ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet. The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to […]...
33. The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn’t concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone […]...
34. Buffalo analogy A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps […]...
35. The painful execution The huge black dude was getting ready for the electric chair – he had been found guilty of rape and murder. The witnesses to the execution were astonished when the prisoner’s pant leg was cut and a tiny electrode was prepared to be placed on his penis. “Hey don’t look so surprised” the condemned man […]...
36. Перевод слова halt Halt – задерживать, останавливать; остановка, привал Перевод слова Halt sign – дорожный знак “стоп” platoon, halt! – взвод, стой! complete halt – полная остановка Here let us make a Halt. Давайте здесь сделаем привал. The bus pulled to a Halt. Автобус подъехал к остановке. The plane taxied to a Halt. Самолет вырулил к месту стоянки. […]...
37. It’s a ladybug A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender’s attention. He glanced at it and said, “It’s a ladybug.” After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, “Good Lord, what incredible […]...
38. A work of art A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. “What on earth,” she inquired of the artist standing nearby, “is that?” He smiled condescendingly. “That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.” […]...
39. Значение идиомы come again [come again] {v.}, {informal} Please repeat; please say that again.- Usually used as a command. “Harry has just come into a fortune,” my wife said. “Come again? ” I asked her, not believing it. “Come again,” said the hard-of-hearing man....
40. The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks The Master Chief was inspecting the barracks and he overheard one terrified recruit whisper, “Master Chief Barnes has the heart of a tiny child. . . on his desk. . . in a jar.” Without missing a beat, Master Chief Barnes snarled, “Goddamned if they don’t find out EVERY little thing about you!”...