Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and «splash» they’re all in the pool.

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: «Three years I’ve spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!»



The role of art in our life topic.
Хиппи топик по английскому.

Related topics:

  1. Перевод слова contestContest — состязание, конкурс Перевод слова To enter a contest — вступить в спор, вступить в дискуссию beauty contest — конкурс красоты close contest — состязание равных соперников The Contest between capitalism and socialism is over. Противоборство капитализма и социализма закончилось. His brothers are Contesting the will. Его братья оспаривают завещание. Will you enter the ... Читать далее...
  2. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...
  3. Перевод слова enterEnter — входить, вступать, вводить Перевод слова To enter a room — войти в комнату to enter a battle — вступить в бой to enter Catholicism — принять католичество Enter your name in the space provided. Введите ваше имя в соответствующем поле. The economy has Entered a period of recession. Экономика вступила в период рецессии. ... Читать далее...
  4. Buy machine factoryAn American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. «Your workers, they’re escaping!» cries the visitor. «You’ve got to stop them.» «Don’t worry, they’ll be back,» says the American. And indeed, ... Читать далее...
  5. Значение идиомы bottom line[bottom line] {v.}, {informal} To finish; to bring to a conclusion. Okay, you guys, let’s bottom line this project and break for coffee....
  6. Перевод слова poolPool — бассейн, озерцо, пруд Перевод слова Pool of blood — лужа крови depth of a pool — глубина бассейна outdoor swimming pool — открытый плавательный бассейн freshwater pool — озерцо с пресной водой Everyone jumped into the Pool. Все запрыгнули в бассейн. He shoved me into the Pool. Он столкнул меня в бассейн. The ... Читать далее...
  7. Three guys are discussing womenThree guys are discussing women. «I like to watch a woman’s tits best,» the first guy says. The second says «I like to look at a woman’s ass.» He asks the third guy «What about you?». «Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.»...
  8. Two guys are out hunting deerTwo guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, «Did you see that?» The second guy says, «No.» «A bald eagle just flew over head.» «Oh.» A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, «Did you see that?» «No.» «There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.» «Oh.» A few ... Читать далее...
  9. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity wardMister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, «What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?» «Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.» «Well, how bad is it? Can I see?» «Follow me, sir.» They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in ... Читать далее...
  10. On the Bucket List: Swimming with Pigs in the BahamasPigs aren’t usually considered the cuddliest of creatures, but when they’re swimming in the ocean-as opposed to splashing in the mud-they’re downright adorable. Want to practice your backstroke alongside Wilber? Head down to «pig beach» on Big Major Cay in the Bahaman island of Exuma, and dive right into the crystal-clear waters alongside the swine. ... Читать далее...
  11. Four married guys go golfingFour married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: «You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: «That’s nothing, ... Читать далее...
  12. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, oneThree guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He ... Читать далее...
  13. Люди с ограниченными возможностями/ Disabled PeopleНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Disabled People Люди с ограниченными возможностями Today more and more people struggle against different kinds of discrimination. And fortunately their struggle gives its results. One of the most urgent social question is disabled people. People can become disabled for many reasons. They can get into a car accident, ... Читать далее...
  14. My daughter is your rewardOnce there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, «My dear guests. . . I have a proposition to ... Читать далее...
  15. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they wereThree guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and ... Читать далее...
  16. Плавание/ SwimmingНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Swimming Плавание My name is Faina and I’m fourteen years old. I’d like to tell you about my favourite type of sport. It’s swimming, of course. I’m into this sport since the very childhood. I even have some awards and medals for excellent swimming. We all choose which ... Читать далее...
  17. The Pentagon decided one day that there were to manyThe Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote on a method of determining each General’s early retirement bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to ... Читать далее...
  18. A man is waiting for his wife to give birthA man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, ... Читать далее...
  19. Two guys are driving through Texas whenTwo guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, «Why’d you do that? The trooper says, «You’re in ... Читать далее...
  20. Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’tTwo guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks. «What do you think the problem is?» one man asked his companion. «I dunno,» came the reply, «Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.»...
  21. Two guys were discussing popular family trendsTwo guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, «I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?» Leroy replied, «I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?»...
  22. Перевод слова whistleWhistle — свист, свисток, свистеть Перевод слова To whistle a song — насвистывать мелодию to blow a whistle — свистеть в свисток factory whistle — заводской гудок I heard this song on the radio and I’ve been Whistling it all day. Я слышал эту песню по радио, и я насвистывал ее весь день. The Whistle ... Читать далее...
  23. Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expeditionTwo Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital. «Well, Doc,» he inquired anxiously, «is he going to make it?» «It’s tough,» said the doctor. «He’d ... Читать далее...
  24. Judging a ContestAdelia: When I created this writing Contest, I had no idea that we would get so many Entries. Omar: Good thing you have an Impartial panel of judges to help you select the winner. Adelia: Yes, good thing. I’m really grateful to all of you for giving up your time to help. Omar: What Criteria ... Читать далее...
  25. Three guys are in a plane, lost in fogThree guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don’t know where they are. The first guy says «I’ll find out» and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says «We’re just over Paris» «How do you know» ask the others «Well I’ve just felt the top of ... Читать далее...
  26. Dating Nice Guys and Bad BoysJack: I’ve had it. I’m going to start Treating women like dirt. I’d get more dates. Alison: What brought this on? Jack: I Got dumped again by a woman who thinks I’m too nice – too nice! She says she wants to be with someone who’s more Assertive and Unpredictable. She didn’t say it In ... Читать далее...
  27. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming weddingTwo Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… «I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.» His buddy replies, «Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, ... Читать далее...
  28. Значение идиомы bottom drop out[bottom drop out] or [bottom fall out] {v. phr.} {informal} 1. To fall below an earlier lowest price. The bottom dropped out of the price of peaches. 2. To lose all cheerful qualities; become very unhappy, cheerless, or unpleasant. The bottom dropped out of the day for John when he saw his report card. The ... Читать далее...
  29. Divine RightSeveral years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her that she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest ... Читать далее...
  30. There was three guys, one with a rubberThere was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with ... Читать далее...
  31. At a NightclubMy friend Sabrina and I decided to go out dancing last weekend. We went to a Club called the Fine Line and when we got there, there was long line outside. That’s one thing I hate about L. A. clubs. The Hottest ones have long lines and it’s hard To get in unless you’re on ... Читать далее...
  32. Two guys go huntingTwo guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe ... Читать далее...
  33. Значение идиомы blow the whistle on[blow the whistle on] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To inform against; betray. The police caught one of the bank robbers, and he blew the whistle on two more. 2. To act against, stop, or tell people the secrets of. The mayor blew the whistle on gambling. The police blew the whistle on hot reading....
  34. A perfect choiceA woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn’t find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds: Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won’t ... Читать далее...
  35. Значение идиомы come to blows[come to blows] {v. phr.} To begin to fight. The two quarreling boys came to blows after school. The two countries came to blows because one wanted to be independent from the other....
  36. So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nailsSo there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails ... Читать далее...
  37. Значение идиомы bottom[bottom] See: BET ONE’S BOOTS or BET ONE’S BOTTOM DOLLAR, FROM THE BOTTOM OF ONE’S HEART, FROM — TO —, GET TO THE BOTTOM OF, HIT BOTTOM or TOUCH BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM, SCRAPE THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL....
  38. These two guys had just gotten divorcesThese two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s ... Читать далее...
  39. These two guys are car pooling home from work one dayThese two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. «Look», he shouts «What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?» The ... Читать далее...
  40. Three guys were sitting in a bar talkingThree guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; «You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the ... Читать далее...

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest