This woman goes into a dentist’s office

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1. A man and wife entered aA man and wife entered a dentist’s office. The Wife said, «I want a tooth pulled. I don’t want gas or Novocain because I’m in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.» You’re a brave woman said the dentist. Now, show me which tooth it is. The wife turns to her ... Читать далее...
2. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
3. A woman goes into the local newspaper office to seeA woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, «Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.» Confounded at the woman’s thrift, ... Читать далее...
4. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
5. A woman accompanied her husband to the doctors officeA woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, «If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die». 1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. 2.At lunch time, make him a warm, ... Читать далее...
6. An old woman came into her doctors officeAn old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. «I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I’ve farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?» «Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three ... Читать далее...
7. A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aidA woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, «How many children do you have?» «Ten,» she replied. «What are their names?» he asked. «LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy,» she answered. «They’re all named LeRoy?» he asked «What if you want them ... Читать далее...
8. The office playboy had a date with an attractive young womanThe office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. «She uses too many four-letter words for me,» was the reply. «Really?» «Yes,» answered the playboy. «All evening long she was saying «don’t» and «stop» and «quit that.»...
9. Woman is on a busA woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: «That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.» In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова drillDrill — сверлить, бурить; сверло Перевод слова Dentist’s drill — бормашина hammer drill — ручная электрическая дрель с перфоратором to drill for oil — бурить нефтяные скважины I want to keep my Drill handy. Я хочу иметь дрель под рукой. Drill a hole in each corner. Просверлите отверстия в каждом углу. Can you work an ... Читать далее...
11. A woman, a bus and a babyA woman gets onto a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, «That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!» The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, «The driver has just insulted me!» The man says, «There’s no call ... Читать далее...
12. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesA man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, «I’m ... Читать далее...
13. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
14. Two law partners leave their office and go to lunchTwo law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. «Damn,» he says. «I forgot to lock the office safe before we left.» His partner replies » What are you worried about? We’re both here.»...
15. A woman selling apples in New YorkA woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to ... Читать далее...
16. A dentis appointmentTwo guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at 4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and Charley says, «Where have you been? You’re a 1/2 hour late.» Paul replies, «Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick’s been hurting bad.» Charley says, «If your dick’s been ... Читать далее...
17. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
18. An American woman and an Iranian womanAn American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket. The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, «These remind me of my husband’s testicles.» The American woman says, «That big?» The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.»...
19. A woman goes to a psychiatrist and saysA woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, «Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!» «I wouldn’t worry too much about it,» the doctor replies. «Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.» «But you don’t understand,» the woman insists. «He sleeps with his mouth open, ... Читать далее...
20. A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitaryA dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat ... Читать далее...
21. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
22. Gosh, what a pun!A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, «that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?» The man replies, «all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife ... Читать далее...
23. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
24. A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnantA woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She replies, «Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?» The doctor answered, «Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy ... Читать далее...
25. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
26. Перевод слова officeOffice — офис, должность Перевод слова Judicial office — судебная должность holder of an office — должностное лицо lawyer’s office — адвокатская контора editorial office — редакция His Office was bugged. Его офис прослушивался. He was removed from Office. Он был отстранен от должности. Foreign Office Министерство иностранных дел (в Великобритании)...
27. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
28. An old man goes into the Social Security OfficeAn old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова toothTooth — зуб Перевод слова Crowned tooth — зуб с коронкой hole in a tooth — дупло в зубе molar tooth — коренной зуб He cut a Tooth. У него прорезался зуб. Which Tooth aches? Какой зуб вас беспокоит? I had my Tooth out. Мне удалили зуб....
30. A woman and her friend are visiting the zooA woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her ... Читать далее...
31. Taking Care of Your TeethMartha: Oh, I have a Toothache! George: It sounds like you’re In for a visit to the Dentist. Martha: That would be the Last resort. I hate going to the dentist. I don’t like needles and the sound of the Drill scares me to death. I’m hoping the toothache will just go away. George: You ... Читать далее...
32. The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s LifeThe Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life The Doctor — who tells her to «take off all her clothes.» The Dentist — who tells her to «open wide.» The Milkman — who asks her «do you want it in the front or the back?» The Hairdresser — who asks her «do you want ... Читать далее...
33. A guy walks into a post officeA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes ... Читать далее...
34. Organizing Your OfficeI have a very Disorganized office. My co-workers have been making jokes about my office for a long time, and my boss finally Cracked down on me. He told me: “Get the office organized by Friday – no excuses!” What choice did I have? I’ve always been a Pack rat. I hate to throw anything ... Читать далее...
35. A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод слова post-officePost-office — почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official — почтовый чиновник post-office receipt — почтовая квитанция post-office box — абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach — почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp — дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где ... Читать далее...
37. A bored woman says to her husbandA bored woman says to her husband as she clasps her hands together, «Guess what I have in here and you’ll get some loving tonite.» The equally bored husband, wishing to avoid any kind of sex at all replies, «An elephant». The wife sez «That’s close enough!»...
38. A woman came to the psychiatrist worriedA woman came to the psychiatrist worried. «Doctor,» she said, «I can’t sleep at night. When I’m in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won’t hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?» «Easy,» said the doctor. «Just take the carpet off the ... Читать далее...
39. Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Are NotThings That Sound Dirty At The Office But Aren’t I need you to whip it out by 5:00! Mind if I use your laptop? Put this in my box before you leave. I want it on my desk now! Hmm.. I think I’m out of fluid. My equipment’s so old, it takes forever to finish! ... Читать далее...
40. Your hair smells niceA man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor’s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, «What’s wrong with the coworker ... Читать далее...