This guy unexpectedly got the day off and decided

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1. Once the club duffer challenged the local golf proOnce the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. «But,» said the duffer, «since you’re obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two’gotchas’.» The golf pro didn’t know what a ‘gotcha’ was, but he went along with ... Читать далее...
2. The golf courseA man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, «I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you ... Читать далее...
3. Golf in the BedroomGolf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment — normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole. ... Читать далее...
4. Religious battle golfThe Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. «Your holiness,» said one of the Cardinals, «Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.» The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held ... Читать далее...
5. JOHN F. KENNEDY: The Swingingest President EverJ. F. K., a gifted golfer, didn’t want to be photographed on the links. He was afraid of inheriting Eisenhower’s image, as a man putting his way through is presidency. An aficionado of Ian Fleming’s spy novels, John F. Kennedy relished keeping secrets almost as much as he enjoyed hearing them. One of Kennedy’s most ... Читать далее...
6. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husbandA wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, «You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!» Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, ... Читать далее...
7. Значение идиомы hole in one[hole in one] {n. phr.} A shot in golf that is hit from the tee andgoes right into the cup. Many golfers play for years before theyget a hole in one....
8. Значение идиомы hole out[hole out] {v.} To finish play in golf by hitting the ball into thecup. The other players waited for Palmer to hole out before theyputted....
9. Definite laws of golfLAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed ... Читать далее...
10. Two nuns were driving alone out in the booniesTwo nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they asked to purchase a can of gasoline. «I’m sorry, sister,» said the attendant, «but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber pot. ... Читать далее...
11. GolfA golf course Golf courses have different sizes and shapes. Most of them have 18 holes that are between a hundred and 500 metres long. If you have finished playing all 18 holes you have played a round of golf. Each hole has a starting place, called a tee. This is a small area from ... Читать далее...
12. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golfOne Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do ... Читать далее...
13. The ReverendFrancis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, ... Читать далее...
14. Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf gameBill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game. And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play. Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now? Bob: Darts? Bill: Nah. Bob: Shoot some pool? Bill: Nah. Bob: Cards? Bill: Nah. Hey, I’ve got an ... Читать далее...
15. Heated passionsMike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon. While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down the fairway, he collapses on the ... Читать далее...
16. When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heavenWhen the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. «Sorry, old man,» Peter said, «But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 — You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.» «Oh, yes. I’ll never ... Читать далее...
17. Four married guys go golfingFour married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: «You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: «That’s nothing, ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова golfGolf — гольф Перевод слова Round of golf — партия гольфа golf match — матч по гольфу devotion to golf — увлечение гольфом He is off playing Golf. Он уехал играть в гольф. He’s a real Golf fiend. Он по настоящему страстный любитель гольфа. Geoff went off to play Golf. Джефф пошел играть в гольф. ... Читать далее...
19. Detective reportA man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Ram Pam Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later, he received this report: Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. ... Читать далее...
20. A chinese detectiveA man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to investigate. A few days later he received this letter. Most Honorable Sir, You leave house, He come to house. He and she leave house, I follow. He and she go to hotel, I climb ... Читать далее...
21. Two nuns are walking down an alleyTwo nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, «Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!» The second one says, «This one does!»...
22. Значение идиомы tee off[tee off] {v.} 1. To hit the golf ball from a small wooden peg ortee to begin play for each hole. We got to the golf course just intime to see the champion tee off. 2. {slang} To hit a ball, especially a baseball very hard or far. He teed off on the firstpitch. 3. ... Читать далее...
23. The seven dwarves were in RomeThe three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. «Excuse us, but can you tell us where the dwarf nuns are?» «Sorry», she replies, «but there are no dwarf nuns here». «Well, are there any in the city?». «No, there are no dwarf nuns». ... Читать далее...
24. Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie manTwo nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: «Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that’s 150, you’ll get a 25% discount!» The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other: «We could eat the 30, ... Читать далее...
25. Перевод слова clubClub — клуб Перевод слова Tennis club — теннисный клуб nature-study club — клуб натуралистов-любителей to join a club — стать членом клуба Shall we go to a Club? Мы пойдем в клуб? You have to play a Club. Вы должны играть в клубе. I’ll see you at the Club. Увидимся в клубе....
26. An old sailing ship is becalmed at seaAn old sailing ship is becalmed at sea with a full complement of sailors. They are stuck there for days and days with nothing to do. One morning the captain decides he is going to lay on some entertainment for the men. He orders a barrel to be placed on the top deck. It has ... Читать далее...
27. What to do to get golfFour married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued: First Guy: «Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: ... Читать далее...
28. Nuns First Hot DogNuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, «I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.» «Odd,» her companion replies, «but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.» Nodding emphatically, the ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова giantGiant — гигант; громадный, исполинский Перевод слова A man of giant strength — человек огромной силы giant planets — большие планеты mental giant — гигант мысли The building was shaped like a Giant pyramid. Здание было выстроено в форме гигантской пирамиды. Giant pandas emit a gentle bleat instead of a mighty roar. Гигантские панды издают ... Читать далее...
30. What is intelligenceTwo men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, «Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?» «I don’t know,» responded the other. «I’ll ask him.» So he climbed out of the hole ... Читать далее...
31. Значение идиомы ace in the hole[ace in the hole] {n. phr.} 1. An ace given to a player face down so that other players in a card game cannot see it. When the cowboy bet all his money in the poker game he did not know that the gambler had an ace in the hole and would win it from ... Читать далее...
32. Pick Heaven or HellOne day while walking down the street a highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. «Welcome to Heaven,» said St. Peter. «Before you get settled in though, it seems we have ... Читать далее...
33. Three nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open marketThree nuns went to a cucumber stand in an open market one day. They asked how much the cucumbers were. The merchant said that they were 4 for a dollar. The nuns said okay. The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them. A nun answered back, «Well, ... Читать далее...
34. Three men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiotThree men: a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St Peter and the Devil were standing nearby. «Gentlemen,» the Devil started, «Due to the fact that ... Читать далее...
35. I just did all of thatAfter a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, «Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?» «Yes,» the golfer responded. «Did you ... Читать далее...
36. Значение идиомы in the hole[in the hole] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} 1a. Having a scorelower than zero in a game, especially a card game; to a score belowzero. John went three points in the hole on the first hand of thecard game. 1b. Behind an opponent; in difficulty in a sport or game. We had their pitcher in ... Читать далее...
37. Working on the roadA fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then ... Читать далее...
38. Outdoor Vacation Sports and ActivitiesEmma: Are you ready? Ricardo: Sure, but why are you dressed like that? I thought we were going to play Golf with Kareem and Karen. Emma: I told them we’re going Rock climbing instead. Ricardo: I was really looking forward to a game of golf. Emma: You play golf all the time. How often do ... Читать далее...
39. Golf lessonsA husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, «No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!» «Well, what should I do?» asks ... Читать далее...
40. Confuse traffic signsA cop pulls over a carload of nuns. Cop: «Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway — why are you going so slow?» Sister: «Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65.» Cop: «Oh sister, that’s not the speed limit, that’s the name of the highway you’re on! Sister: Oh! Silly ... Читать далее...