This black guy is walking along a beach when

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1. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beachA recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the ... Читать далее...
2. Once upon a time a man was walking downOnce upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. «Master, I shall now grant you one wish.» The man spoke, his eyes bulging with desire. ... Читать далее...
3. A little girl was walking along a beach in CaliforniaA little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, «What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?» The man said, «Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!» The man thought nothing of ... Читать далее...
4. Love handlesOne day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. «Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,» the genie said. «Since you have released me, ... Читать далее...
5. Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a sharkMary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man. The man was screaming, «Help me! Help me!» Mary Jane laughed and laughed! She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!...
6. Ass-corkedTwo guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, «How’d you get a cork in your ass?» The other guy says, «I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a ... Читать далее...
7. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
8. Leprechaun JokesThree guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. «I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total», says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, «I am a fisherman, my Dad’s ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы black-and-white[black-and-white] {adj.} Divided into only two sides that are either right or wrong or good or bad, with nothing in between; thinking or judging everything as either good or bad. Everything is black-and-white to Bill; if you’re not his friend, you are his enemy. The old man’s religion shows his black-and-white thinking; everything is either ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова beachBeach — пляж, морской берег Перевод слова Beach gravel — береговой галечник sandy beach — песчаный пляж beach umbrella — пляжный зонт We walked along the Beach. Мы шли вдоль берега. We picnicked on the Beach. Мы устроили пикник на пляже. We spent the day at the Beach. Мы провели весь день на пляже. Интересные ... Читать далее...
11. An explorer goes into an undiscovered tombAn explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said «I want to know the person you ... Читать далее...
12. I was walking down an alley last nightI was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, «Help! Help!» coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t ... Читать далее...
13. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы in the black[in the black] {adv.} or {adj. phr.}, {informal} In a successful orprofitable way; so as to make money. The big store was running inthe black. A business must stay in the black to keep on. Contrast: IN THE RED....
15. Значение идиомы crack a bottle[crack a bottle] {v. phr.} To open a new bottle of alcoholic beverage. On birthdays it is customary to crack a bottle and offer one’s best wishes....
16. The third wishA young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, ‘I will grant you three wishes.’ The man’s first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the ... Читать далее...
17. Перевод идиомы let the genie out of the bottle, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: let the genie out of the bottle Перевод: выпустить джина из бутылки; допустить что-либо плохое, нежелательное, чего уже не остановить Пример: Now the press has let the genie out of the bottle, the question is what happens next. Пресса выпустила джина из бутылки, вопрос теперь в том, что будет дальше....
18. An old italian couple is walking around in the mallAn old italian couple is walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so the woman goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask: «Escusa me, have you senn-a me Tony. He’s got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?» The saleswoman answers that she hasn’t seen her ... Читать далее...
19. A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrotA black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says » where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies » Over in Africa, there’s millions of them » !!!!...
20. Перевод идиомы black and white / black or white, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: black and white / black or white Перевод: черно-белое, черное и белое, черное или белое; что-либо с четкой градацией — черное и белое, хорошее и плохое, да или нет, и т. п., без промежуточных градаций Пример: It’s not a simple black and white issue. Это сложный вопрос, на него нет однозначного ответа, да или ... Читать далее...
21. Jokes of science 02The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. «Hmmm,» says the theorist, «That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason (long logical explanation follows).» In the middle of it, the experimentalist says «Wait a minute», studies the chart for a second, and ... Читать далее...
22. Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asksPappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, «Where ya going boy?» The son smiled and replied, «I’m a-going courting Peggy-Sue.» The Father said, «When I went a-courtin’, I didn’t need me no dang lantern.» «Sure Pa, I know.» the boy said. «And look what you got!»...
23. A nun is walking down a deserted road whenA nun is walking down a deserted road when a man grabs her and starts raping her. After the rapist is done, he says, «Hey Sister, what are you going to tell the other Sisters now?» «I’ll tell them the truth, that you grabbed me, threw me to the ground, and raped me twice….unless you’re ... Читать далее...
24. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
25. Two retired ladies were on the beach in MiamiTwo retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова blackBlack — черный Перевод слова Black cloth — черное сукно black races — черные расы on the black market — на черном рынке The ceiling Blackened. Потолок почернел. That’s a Black augury! Это дурное предзнаменование! He had a Black suit on. На нем был черный костюм. Примеры из жизни «Люди в черном» (Men in Black) ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы walking papers[walking papers] or [walking orders] also [walking ticket] {n.},{informal} A statement that you are fired from your job; dismissal. The boss was not satisfied with Paul’s work and gave him his walkingpapers. George is out of work. He picked up his walking ticketlast Friday....
28. Значение идиомы get a black eye[get a black eye] {v. phr.} 1. To receive a dark ring around theeye after being hit by someone’s fist or an object. In thefistfight Tom got a black eye from Pete. Sue got a black eye whenshe ran into a tree. 2. To have one’s character denigrated. Ourfirm received a black eye because of ... Читать далее...
29. This guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hookerThis guy was walking down a street in Texas and this hooker says, «Say, wanna have a good time? We do things in a big way down here in Texas.» «Sure,» he says and they were off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her. She says, «Is ... Читать далее...
30. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladderA man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, ... Читать далее...
31. The only wishTwo guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the ... Читать далее...
32. Dealing in the Black MarketJasinda: Was that your friend Mitch? Thomas: Yeah, he and I had lunch today to talk about some business opportunities. Jasinda: What Line of work Is he in? Thomas: Well, I guess you could say he’s in the Import/export business. Jasinda: Hmm…Why are you being so Shifty? Isn’t his business On the up and up? ... Читать далее...
33. Значение идиомы walking encyclopedia[walking encyclopedia] {n. phr.} A polymath; a person very wellversed in a number of different disciplines. My uncle is averitable walking encyclopedia when it comes to the history of WorldWar II. Contrast: WALKING DICTIONARY....
34. A husband and wife are on a nudist beachA husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the ... Читать далее...
35. Значение идиомы beach bunny[beach bunny] {n.}, {slang} An attractive girl seen on beaches — mostly to show off her figure; one who doesn’t get into the water and swim. What kind of a girl is Susie? — She’s a beach bunny; She always comes to the Queen’s Surf on Waikiki but I’ve never seen her swim....
36. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы black eye[black eye] {n.} 1. A dark area around one’s eye due to a hard blow during a fight, such as boxing. Mike Tyson sported a black eye after the big fight. 2. Discredit. Bob’s illegal actions will give a black eye to the popular movement he started....
38. Punishment for GatesSatan greets him: «Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked ... Читать далее...
39. На пляже (On the beach), лексика и слова по темеSand – песок Seashore – морское побережье A shell – ракушка A wave – волна A jellyfish – медуза A starfish – морская звезда A dolphin – дельфин A sea gull – морская чайка An island – остров A coral reef – коралловый риф Seaweed – водоросли Pebbles – галька A tide — прилив A ... Читать далее...
40. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...