There were two people having sex in a car

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1. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
2. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
3. A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothelA man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel. He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was far too expensive. The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was also too expensive. Finally the ... Читать далее...
4. Mary was having an affair during the day whileMary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: «Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!» Ralph looked ... Читать далее...
5. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girlOne day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said «you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы no deal[no deal] or [no dice] or [no go] or [no sale] or [no soap] {slang}Not agreed to; refused or useless; without success or result; no;certainly not. — Used in the predicate or to refuse something. Billy wanted to let Bob join the team, but I said that it was no dealbecause Bob was too young. ... Читать далее...
7. Diana — the People’s PrincessDiana Spencer was born on the first of July 1961 in Sandringham in England. She had two older sisters and a younger brother. In childhood she liked games, swimming, running and dancing. She wanted to become a dancer. Besides she loved children very much and at the age of sixteen she worked in schools for ... Читать далее...
8. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroomLittle Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little ... Читать далее...
9. A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar intoA blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept punching the buttons only to have happen what you’d expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other, and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went and got more. Back ... Читать далее...
10. Stupid people stories 02Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the ... Читать далее...
11. A young married womanA young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend. The girlfriend asked, «Do you talk to your husband when you’re making love?» She thought about it a minute then said, «Well, no. But I could. I mean he has a cell phone and all now.»...
12. The people are waitingUpon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her prescription to the pharmacist. «Please fill this immediately,» she asked. «I’ve got people waiting in my car!»...
13. My girlfriend is out in the carA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man’s friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender ... Читать далее...
14. A man had been drinking at the bar for hoursA man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk’s buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the ... Читать далее...
15. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова dollarDollar — доллар Перевод слова Thousand dollar bill — купюра в тысячу долларов to break a five-dollar banknote — разменять пятидолларовую банкноту half dollar — пол-доллара It cost three Dollars. Это стоит три доллара. I have a Dollar in coins. У меня есть доллар в монетах. I don’t have even a Dollar! У меня нет ... Читать далее...
17. The Australian liberal party announced todayThe Australian liberal party announced today that they are changing their emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects their party’s political stance : A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, discourages co-operation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives one a sense of security while screwing others....
18. A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerA guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, «If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?» «Hell no!» the guy said. The stranger then asked, «If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used ... Читать далее...
19. Going to the Post OfficeFor me, things never Go very Smoothly at my local post office. I’ve learned that if you want To mail a letter, you’ll have no problems. But if things get more complicated than that, well, Watch out! Yesterday I went there to mail a small package and to pick up a Book of stamps. I ... Читать далее...
20. Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phoneCorporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but didn’t have change for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base’s corridor floors, and asked him, «Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?» Private Duncan replied, «Sure.» The Corporal turned red. He said, «That’s no way to address a superior officer! Now let’s ... Читать далее...
21. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
22. Ultra dumb people 02A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. In Ohio, an unidentified man in his ... Читать далее...
23. Famous peopleEugene d’Albert (noted German composer) was married six times. At an evening reception which he attended with his fifth wife shortly after their wedding, he presented the lady to a friend who said politely, «Congratulations, Herr d’Albert; you have rarely introduced me to so charming a wife.» During a visit to America, Winston Churchill was ... Читать далее...
24. Two friends met after a long time, and chatted aboutTwo friends met after a long time, and chatted about what??s been going on since they last met. One of them had a new girlfriend and the other one asked about her cooking, her relation to his folks etc. etc. and finally asked «How is she in bed?» First guy replies «She??s fantastic, she sucks ... Читать далее...
25. Stupid people storiesIDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова peoplePeople — люди, народ, население Перевод слова Distinctive people — необычные люди the people of London — жители Лондона the best people in the town — лучшие люди в городе English-speaking peoples — народы, говорящие на английском языке Power to the People! Власть народу! People say we look alike. Люди говорят что мы похожи. She ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод идиомы out of the blue, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: out of the blue Перевод: неожиданно, внезапно; словно из ниоткуда Пример: From out of the blue I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get married. Я неожиданно спросил свою девушку, не хотела бы она выйти за муж....
28. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mailI am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode ... Читать далее...
29. Two retired ladies were on the beach in MiamiTwo retired ladies were on the beach in Miami. They were discussing the fact that if they go for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes, but if they take the cigarettes with them, they will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top of ... Читать далее...
30. A Scottish private walks into the pharmacyA Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls a beat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spot welding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, ... Читать далее...
31. This one New Yorker married himself a southern galThis one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, «Oh yuck!!» she proclaimed as she ponted ... Читать далее...
32. It finally dawned«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone ... Читать далее...
33. The most evil thing«Cash, check or charge?» I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse. «Do you always carry your TV remote?» I asked. «No,» she replied. «But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I ... Читать далее...
34. Stupid people awardsIt is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mervcury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to ... Читать далее...
35. Strange people are hereThere was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. ‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are ... Читать далее...
36. Diana the People’s Princess — Диана народная принцессаDiana Spencer was born on the first of July 1961 in Sandringham in England. She had two older sisters and a younger brother. In childhood she liked games, swimming, running and dancing. She wanted to become a dancer. Besides she loved children very much and at the age of sixteen she worked in schools for ... Читать далее...
37. Death row sing alongThere was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn’t want anything special. When they ... Читать далее...
38. Broken leg«How did it happen?» the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. «Well, doc, 25 years ago…» «Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.» «Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d ... Читать далее...
39. Love JesusBy Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light ... Читать далее...
40. What causes people to have arthritisA man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the ... Читать далее...