There was this man in a mental hospital

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1. John and David were both patients in a Mental hospitalJohn and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. ... Читать далее...
2. Jones is driving past the state mental hospitalJones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for ... Читать далее...
3. A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionistA man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. «Good,» says the man. «That means I must have really escaped.»...
4. There was a costume party at a mental hospitalThere was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was «war». The first person comes up onto the stage and says, «I’m an atomic bomb.» He gets his applause and steps down. The second person comes up and says, «I’m a hydrogen bomb.» Again, there’s applause and he steps down. ... Читать далее...
5. Chaim escapes from a mental hospitalChaim escapes from a mental hospital and goes to the train station. He gets on the train and is seated next to a business man. He asks the man, «Are you Jewish?» The man says, «No.» Joe apologizes. Ten minutes later, he asks, «You wouldn’t happen to be Jewish would you?» The man replies, «No!» ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова mentalMental — психический, умственный Перевод слова Mental defect — умственный дефект this mental disengagement — эта свобода ума mental disorder — психическое расстройство I made a Mental note of his name. Я отметил его имя в уме. His physical and Mental health had got worse. Его физическое и душевное здоровье ухудшилось. He was recommitted to ... Читать далее...
7. Перевод слова hospitalHospital — больница, госпиталь Перевод слова Mental hospital, hospital for the insane — психиатрическая больница hospital attendant — санитар больницы hospital bill — счет за лечение в больнице She works at Hospital. Она работает в больнице. Hurry them to the Hospital! Быстро отправьте их в больницу. She phoned the Hospital daily. Она звонила в больницу ... Читать далее...
8. After a bad accidentPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a train. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Well… The bad news first… Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had ... Читать далее...
9. The good and the badPatient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first? Patient: Give me the bad news first. Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we ... Читать далее...
10. The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospitalThe medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, «Sol, I’m happy ... Читать далее...
11. What is the timeA man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, «Pardon me, sir, but do you ... Читать далее...
12. Passing an examThree patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years. The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking ... Читать далее...
13. HEGSThe Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S «What’s that?», the patient asks. «It’s a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis.» The patient wants to know if there’s a cure, to which the Doctor responds, «We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but pancackes.» «Why only pancackes?», ... Читать далее...
14. Crazy people talkA doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient ... Читать далее...
15. Go to the hospitalFour expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, «Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.» «What a coincidence!» the man said with some obvious pride. «I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.» The nurse returned in a ... Читать далее...
16. A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleagueA prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to have a heart transplant. She’s worried about the friend so she asks the doctor: Girlfriend: I’m worried about my friend doc, what if her body rejects the organ? Doctor: Well she’s 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been ... Читать далее...
17. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы listen in[listen in] {v.} 1. To listen to a radio broadcast. We foundthem listening in to the president’s speech. 2. To listen to the talkof others, often to talk that is not intended for your ears;eavesdrop. When Mary talked to her boyfriend on the telephone, herlittle brother listened in....
19. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
20. A psychology student at a local universityA psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered «When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.» ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы mental telepathy[mental telepathy] {n. phr.} The passing of one person’s thoughtsto another without any discoverable talking or carrying of signalsbetween them. Mrs. Smith knew the moment her husband’s ship sank onthe other side of the world. It seems like a case of mentaltelepathy. Most or all men who practice mental telepathy on stagehave really trained themselves ... Читать далее...
22. В больнице (At the hospital), лексика и слова по темеA medical centre – медицинский центр An outpatients department – поликлиника A university polyclinic – студенческая поликлиника A maternity home – родильный дом A reception – регистратура Surgery hours – часы приема A medical record – медкарта A health insurance certificate – медицинский полис A casualty ward – приемный покой A hospital ward – больничная ... Читать далее...
23. Questioning Mental CompetencyClaire: What are you doing with all those law books? I thought you retired 20 years ago. Ray: I’m preparing for my Mental competency hearing. Claire: Mental competency hearing? But your mind is as Sharp as it has ever been. Ray: That’s not what my children think. They are going to court to prove my ... Читать далее...
24. Giving Birth in a HospitalIt was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, ... Читать далее...
25. The modest man is in the hospital for a series of testThe modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last test has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing ... Читать далее...
26. An elderly patient needed a heart transplantAn elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, «We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd ... Читать далее...
27. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Больница (Hospital)»По-английски Перевод на русский Mary: Mum, I’m not feeling well today. Мэри: Мам, я неважно чувствую себя сегодня. Mum: What’s the matter, dear? Мама: В чем дело, дорогая? Mary: I have a strong stomach ache and I feel nauseous. Мэри: У меня сильно болит живот и меня подташнивает. Mum: That’s not good. Let me check ... Читать далее...
28. Mental DisordersDr. Miao: At Berthiaume College, we take Mental health issues very seriously. That’s why we have so many mental health services on campus. Dean: Such as? Dr. Miao: Well, for example, there is a meeting tonight of our Support group for Anorexics and Bulimics. Tomorrow night, I’ll be speaking to a group of students about ... Читать далее...
29. A man goes to the doctor with a long history ofA man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. «Listen,» says the Doctor, «I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going ... Читать далее...
30. Visiting a Patient in the HospitalGeorge: You’re just In time. There’s only another 20 minutes until the end of Visiting hours. Inez: I got here as soon as I could. How is Uncle Peter? George: They moved him from the Emergency ward to the Intensive care unit. He’s on Life support. Inez: How could this have happened? How could somebody ... Читать далее...
31. My heart setA certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, «All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and ... Читать далее...
32. One day shortly after the birth of their new babyOne day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby ... Читать далее...
33. A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
34. Nauseous sexPatient: Doctor I’m having trouble having sex with my wife. When I get close enough to her, I get nauseous. When I insert, even an inch or two, I get sick to my stomach. Doctor: Hmmmm, that does sound serious. Let me see it. Patient sticks out his tongue…...
35. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy HospitalMr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. «Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,» said the nun, gently patting ... Читать далее...
36. Construction Worker Hides Waldo On Site For Kids In Hospital Next DoorOne man is helping kids find a little joy. Jason Haney, a construction foreman, hides a life-size cutout he made of Where’s Waldo on site every day for kids who are staying at a hospital next door to find. «It’s just for the kids to get their minds off of things,»Haney told The Huffington Post. ... Читать далее...
37. A stuttering problemA man visits the doctor’s because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: ‘It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this ... Читать далее...
38. Read — it’s funAn elderly gentleman… Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to a doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is ... Читать далее...
39. Doctor-Patient ConfidentialityDr. Green: Can I Consult you on a case of Medical ethics? Dr. Hause: Sure, I’m not a lawyer, but I can give you my opinion as another doctor. Dr. Green: That’s what I’m looking for, your honest opinion. I have a Patient who has a medical condition that can be Spread to her family, ... Читать далее...
40. A large differenceA man went to the doctor’s. The doctor came in and said, «Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out ... Читать далее...