There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river

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1. A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head with it. The animal instantly dropped down and gave the […]...
2. Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its […]...
3. A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in – law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and […]...
4. Перевод слова river River – река, поток Перевод слова To throw a bridge across a river – перекинуть мост через реку to move by the river side – идти вдоль реки a river of lava – поток лавы The River floods. Река поднимается. They sailed down the River. Они поплыли вниз по реке. The River recedes. Вода в […]...
5. A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, “When did you bag him?” The host said proudly, “That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife.” “What’s he stuffed with,” asked the visiting hunter. “My ex-wife” […]...
6. A big bird Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable. Suddenly the hunters […]...
7. This man was sitting quietly reading his paper This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and wacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written […]...
8. Значение идиомы sell down the river [sell down the river] {v. phr.} To give harmful information aboutsomeone or something to one’s enemies; betray. The traitor sold hiscountry down the river to the enemy army. The criminal told thehiding place of his companions and sold them down the river. Compare:SELL OUT....
9. The Insensitive Gorilla A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her […]...
10. Перевод слова job-hunter Job-hunter – соискатель, ищущий работу Перевод слова We provide Job-hunters with the complete information both about the vacancy and the company. Мы обеспечиваем соискателей исчерпывающей иформацией как о вакансии, так и о компании. Whichever way I look at you, you’re a zero offer Job hunter. В таком виде ты не получишь предложений по работе. Происхождение […]...
11. The Lion and the Mouse Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. “Pardon, O King,” cried the little Mouse: “forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but […]...
12. A dangerous job This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one. “Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says […]...
13. A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle […]...
14. One night, at the lodge of a hunting club One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, “See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire – place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.” […]...
15. Indicator A businessman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch. Finally, the bartender […]...
16. A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a giraffe walked in. “Get a load of her” said the mouse, “what a babe!” “Well, why not try your luck?” replied the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to her. Within five minutes […]...
17. Three guys were sitting in a bar talking Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the […]...
18. Перевод слова tent Tent – палатка, шатер Перевод слова Lightweight tent – облегченная палатка tent bed – походная кровать, кровать с балдахином to peg the tent – закрепить палатку колышками Our sole accommodation was a Tent barely able to contain eight persons. Нашим единственным убежищем была палатка, едва вмещавшая восемь человек. The Tent sleeps five adults. Эта палатка […]...
19. Значение идиомы up a tree [up a tree] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Hunted or chased into a tree;treed. The dog drove the coon up a tree so the hunter could shoothim. 2. {informal} in trouble; having problems; in a difficulty thatit is hard to escape or think of a way out of. John’s father hashim up a tree in […]...
20. Man and wife at the zoo It’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one […]...
21. I will put it into your ass In one day animal’s king lion said: You must get me the circle fruit and I will put it to your ass! Who will not bring it I will kill him! A rabbit has come first! He has brought to lion an apple. When lion put apple into rabbit’s ass rabbit was smiling. Lion surprised […]...
22. Перевод слова lion Lion – лев Перевод слова Lion cub – львенок lion tamer – укротитель львов the lion’s share – львиная доля society lion – светский лев The Lion stalked its prey. Лев преследовал свою добычу. The Lion roared and sprang. Лев зарычал и прыгнул. The Lion has a sinewy body. У львов мускулистые тела. Интересные факты […]...
23. A man sat quietly reading his morning paper A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with “Daisy” written on it?” Man: “Oh honey, […]...
24. Перевод слова shirt Shirt – рубашка, сорочка Перевод слова Check shirt – клетчатая рубашка flaxen shirt – льняная рубаха sports shirt – рубашка-поло Have you ironed my Shirt? Вы погладили мою рубашку? Tuck in your Shirt. Заправь рубаху. This Shirt is all worn out. Рубашка совсем износилась....
25. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
26. My friend is dead! Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: […]...
27. Перевод сленгового выражения the shit hits the fan, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: the shit hits the fan Сленговое выражение: the shit hits the fan груб. Перевод: разразится большой скандал; дело примет плохой оборот; запахнет жареным Пример: It was a good party until Ed started a fight. Then the shit hit the fan! Вечеринка была хорошей, пока Эд не начал драку. Тогда все понеслось! If Dad […]...
28. Перевод слова hunter Hunter – охотник Перевод слова Hunter after glory – искатель славы curio hunter – охотник за древностями fortune hunter – охотник за богатством The Hunter discharged his gun into the air. Охотник выстрелил в воздух. Loosing off his last arrow, the Hunter prayed that the deer would fall. Выпуская последнюю стрелу, охотник молился о том, […]...
29. Diary Entries AUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. The hills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red […]...
30. You tell me! A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending.” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?” The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden […]...
31. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, […]...
32. Reading the Newspaper I Fell into the habit of reading the newspaper every morning when I was a kid. Back then, there used to be two daily newspapers-morning Edition and an afternoon edition. Nowadays, of course, many cities in the U. S. have just a morning paper. I’m not too Picky about which newspaper I read, although When […]...
33. Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before. “Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then […]...
34. The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely terrible. “Well…” said the Engineer, “I met this blonde and turned out she was an engineer-in-training and wanted me to tutor her. One thing lead to another and we […]...
35. Перевод идиомы at one sitting / in one sitting, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: at one sitting / in one sitting Перевод: за один раз, в один присест Пример: We finished the food at one sitting. Мы все съели в один присест....
36. One day a little boy over heard his parents One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing, “You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!” The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and asked what they meant. The startled parents did their best to get out […]...
37. Значение идиомы move a muscle [move a muscle] {v. phr.} To move even a very little. – Used innegative sentences and questions and with “if”. The deer stoodwithout moving a muscle until the hunter was gone. The girls wereso startled that they did not move a muscle. You’re sitting rightwhere you were when I left! Have you moved a muscle? […]...
38. Перевод слова inside Inside – внутри, внутрь, внутренний, секретный Перевод слова To be inside – быть в помещении to go inside – войти в помещение inside information – секретные сведения the inside of the house – внутренние помещения дома Look Inside. Загляни внутрь. The door bolts from Inside. Эта дверь запирается изнутри. I happen to know the Inside. […]...
39. Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo 1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino […]...
40. A fortune teller A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-teller’s tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down. “Ah…..” said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. “I see you are the father of two children.” “That’s what you think,” said the […]...