The three survivors of the shipwreck

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1. During the World War IIDuring the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something — at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down ... Читать далее...
2. Irish mathThere’s these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what’s the matter. 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is. 2nd Irishman: Oh, that’s easy, it’s 147. 1st Irishman: No no no, that ... Читать далее...
3. A young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up strandedA young kid’s in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island. For twenty years he never sees another human being. Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped off, washes up on a piece of driftwood. He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, ... Читать далее...
4. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a dietA woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. «I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.» When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by ... Читать далее...
5. Red shirtLong ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, «Bring me my red shirt!» The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and ... Читать далее...
6. Значение идиомы put to sea[put to sea] {v. phr.} To start a voyage. The captain said theship would put to sea at six in the morning. In the days ofsailing ships, putting to sea depended on the tides....
7. Clean Jokes about IrelandAn American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight — an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. «You see that, I reckon,» said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. «And now where would you be ... Читать далее...
8. A merchant captain and several of his officersA merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, «Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!» The following morning the ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова polePole — шест, столб, веха; полюс Перевод слова Telegraph pole — телеграфный столб magnetic pole — магнитный полюс to put up a pole — ставить шест The curtain Pole can be cut to length. Карниз можно укоротить. The ends of the cloth lap around the Pole. Края ткани обернуты вокруг древка. Edwards cleared 18 feet ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова expertExpert — знаток, эксперт, специалист Перевод слова Chemical expert — специалист-химик an expert with the sword — искусный фехтовальщик senior expert — ведущий эксперт She is somewhat of an Expert. Она в некотором роде эксперт. She is an Expert on skin care. Она является экспертом по уходу за кожей. He needs advice from an Expert. ... Читать далее...
11. Перевод слова hungerHunger — голод; потребность, сильное желание Перевод слова Hunger cure — лечебное голодание to die of hunger — умереть с голоду land hunger — стремление скупать земельные участки hunger for glory — жажда славы She felt faint from Hunger. Она почувствовала себя дурно от голода. I was faint with Hunger. Я был слаб из-за голода. ... Читать далее...
12. The customs of an IrishmanAn Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, «You know, a pint goes flat after ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова South PoleSouth Pole — Южный полюс Перевод слова South magnetic pole — южный магнитный полюс south celestial pole — южный полюс небесной сферы south geographic pole — южный географический полюс The North Pole and the South Pole are antipodes. Северный полюс и Южный полюс — антиподы. Amundsen’s expedition was the first to reach the South Pole. ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод слова North PoleNorth Pole — Северный полюс Перевод слова An expedition to the North Pole — экспедиция на Северный полюс north-seeking pole — положительный магнитный полюс; полюс, указывающий на север north galactic pole — северный галактический полюс north magnetic pole — северный магнитный полюс north geomagnetic pole — северный геомагнитный полюс The North Pole turned into a ... Читать далее...
15. Cock fightsHow can you tell if an Irishman is present at a cock fight? He enters a duck. How can you tell if a Pole is present? He bets money on the duck. How can you tell if an Italian is present? The duck wins....
16. Different TreatmentsA doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, «Yes, I am happy ... Читать далее...
17. An elderly couple walk into a doctor officeAn elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, «Doctor, we want to have a baby.» The doctor replies,»At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.» So the couple comes back a few days later. ... Читать далее...
18. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-upAn old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, «So how has life been treating you?» The old man replies,»The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова captainCaptain — капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain — иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps — погоны капитана captain’s mate — помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. ... Читать далее...
20. A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of workA Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said «Let’s all go to O’Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness.» The Italian said «That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini’s with ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы not to touch with a ten-foot pole[not to touch with a ten-foot pole] {v. phr.} Toconsider something completely undesirable or uninteresting. Somepeople won’t touch spinach with a ten-foot pole. Kids who wouldn’ttouch an encyclopedia with a ten-foot pole love to find informationwith this computer program....
22. A Psychological Shipwreck на английском языке писателя Ambrose BierceIn the summer of 1874 I was in Liverpool, whither I had gone on business for the mercantile house of Bronson & Jarrett, New York. I am William Jarrett; my partner was Zenas Bronson. The firm failed last year, and unable to endure the fall from affluence to poverty he died. Having finished my business, ... Читать далее...
23. Fixing an ailmentIn Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it’s most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They ... Читать далее...
24. A disabled sea captainAn old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, «You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?» «I fell overboard,» says the Captain, «and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark ... Читать далее...
25. Traveling on the trainThere was an Irishman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Tasmania. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the ... Читать далее...
26. A man comes to a doctor andA man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, «Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?» «Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!» announces a proud physician, «They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You ... Читать далее...
27. A dyslexic nurseTwo doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. «She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.» said one doctor. «Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!» The ... Читать далее...
28. A folk remedyA man’s wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was giving her a wash in bed. As she washed down the woman’s body, she sponged her pubic hair. Out of the corner of her eye she ... Читать далее...
29. PneumoniaA man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn’t help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn’t do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a ... Читать далее...
30. Значение идиомы man-of-war[man-of-war] {n. phr.} 1. A stinging jellyfish in the Gulf ofMexico. «No swimming today,» the sign said, «as we have aman-of-war alert.» 2. A large battleship displaying its national flagor insignia. The shipwreck victims were picked up by an Americanman-of-war. 3. The albatross bird. After several days at sea wenoticed some men-of-war majestically sailing through ... Читать далее...
31. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. «S’cuse me,» said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. «What was that all ... Читать далее...
32. An effective contraceptiveAfter having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn’t want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called ... Читать далее...
33. An Other oneThree old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’ Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer.’ A man was telling his neighbor, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы within call[within call] or [within hail] {adv. phr.} 1. Near enough to heareach other’s voices. When the two ships were within hail, theirofficers exchanged messages. Billy’s mother told him to staywithin call because supper was nearly ready. 2. In a place where youcan be reached by phone, radio, or TV and be called. The sick manwas ... Читать далее...
35. First Aid CourseWhen a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. ‘Step aside, lady,’ he barked. ‘I’ve taken a course in first-aid!’ The women watched for a few ... Читать далее...
36. Jokes about the Fighting IrishGallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. «Did you see the paper?» asked Gallagher. «They say I died!!» «Yes, I saw it!» replied Finney. «Where are you callin’ from?» It was general question time on the «Top ... Читать далее...
37. An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sittingAn Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been kissed?’ No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. after a while the Scotchman approaches her and says ‘Have you ever been fondled?’. She says no ... Читать далее...
38. Submarine humor & funSubmarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air! — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
39. Пословица / поговорка hunger is a good sauce / hunger is the best sauce — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: hunger is a good sauce / hunger is the best sauce Перевод: голод — лучшая приправа Эквивалент в русском языке: голод — лучший повар Пример: After our twenty-mile hike, we stopped at a little roadside restaurant. It may have been that they made the most delicious food in the world there, or ... Читать далее...
40. For many years, the border between Poland and RussiaFor many years, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, a farmer found that he was no longer a Russian, but had become a Pole. Thrilled, he told his Wife, «Thank God! No more of those freezing Russian winters.»...