Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ The results of statistics

The results of statistics

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear

1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight

1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats

1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant



Topic my free time.
Topic about sport in my life.

Related topics:

  1. Alaskan tourismIf you are considering doing some camping this summer, please note the following public service announcement: In Alaska, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in bear country. The bells warn away MOST bears (brown, black, etc.), but be careful because they don’t scare Grizzly Bears. Tourists are cautioned to ... Читать далее...
  2. Birds of a FeatherThere are a lot of animals on our planet. They can be wild and domestic. Wild animals are those animals who live in nature without people. Wolves, foxes, giraffes are wild animals. Domestic animals are animals who live with people, who are not really scary. People always call them «pets». Cats, dogs, sheep are domestic ... Читать далее...
  3. Baby bear wants to live somewhere elseThe three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of ... Читать далее...
  4. A mother and her son were flying Southwest AirlinesA mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, «If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?» The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, ... Читать далее...
  5. Beware of drunken bearsThe following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. LOS ANGELES TIMES, October 8: People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the ... Читать далее...
  6. PetsТопик Домашние животные рассказывает о том, как сильно англичане любят своих домашних животных: собак, кошек, лошадей, птиц и создают для них исключительные условия для жизни. А в последнее время любовь к животным распространилась и на представителей дикой природы: крокодилов, слонов, тигров и кобр. Англичане искренне считают, что их нация — единственная в мире, где ко ... Читать далее...
  7. Перевод идиомы rain cats and dogs, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: rain cats and dogs Перевод: льет, как из ведра (о дожде) Пример: It has been raining cats and dogs all morning. Все утро дождь льет, как из ведра....
  8. Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs[rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, «It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.»...
  9. Man Comes To Realize His Puppies Aren’t Puppies After AllA farmer in China bought two «good-looking pups» from a man who said they’d make good watch dogs. For two years he raised the little black puppies, grooming their coarse hair and feeding them ample quantities of food. Their appetites were huge and getting larger by the day… One weird thing about the dogs was ... Читать далее...
  10. Pets in Great BritainВ топике Домашние животные в Великобритании рассказывается, насколько сильно англичане привязаны к своим домашним животным: собакам, кошкам и попугайчикам. Англичанин никогда не скажет про животное «оно», а только «он» или «она». Насколько уважительно британцы относятся к животным, говорит и знаменитое выражение: «Моя собака и я», т. е. животное – всегда на первом месте. Lots of ... Читать далее...
  11. UPDATE: Another Major U. S. City Has Made It Mandatory For Pet Stores To Only Sell RescuesLawmakers in Beverly Hills are following Phoenix, Arizona’s lead. It is now illegal for pet stores in Beverly Hills to sell dogs and cats that are not from a shelter or rescue. Beverly Hills council member Lili Bosse told the Huffington Post: «I am the biggest animal lover and feel strongly about giving them a ... Читать далее...
  12. Значение идиомы cat[cat] See: COPY CAT, CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT, FRAIDY-CAT or FRAID-CAT or SCAREDY CAT OY SCARED-CAT, HOLY CATS, LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG, LOOK LIKE THE CAT THAT ATE THE CANARY, PLAY CAT AND MOUSE WITH, RAIN CATS AND DOGS....
  13. How do you catch a polar bear?Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole. Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole. $ $Sent by Ediie...
  14. Перевод слова percentPercent — процент Перевод слова Percent by volume — объемный процент accurate within 1 percent — с точностью до 1 процента to overvalue the home by X percent — переоценивать дом на X процентов The value has increased half a Percent. Значение выросло на половину процента. I agree with you a hundred Percent. Я согласен ... Читать далее...
  15. Reporting a Stolen CarKenji: Hello, my car was Stolen and I want to report it. Officer: Where was it when it was stolen? Kenji: It was parked outside of my apartment building. I went outside this morning to drive to work, and it was gone. Officer: Okay, you need to fill out this form. Put down the Make ... Читать далее...
  16. Значение идиомы heavy-handed[heavy-handed] {adj.} 1. Not skillful or graceful; clumsy. George is heavy-handed and seldom catches the ball. My sisterplays the piano badly; she is too heavy-handed. Tim told aheavy-handed joke about the principal’s baldness that embarrassedeveryone. 2. Likely to hit or punish hard; harsh or cruel in making obey. Years ago many fathers were heavy-handed bosses ... Читать далее...
  17. Cheetah-Dog Friendship Isn’t As Strange As It SoundsRaising puppies and cheetah kittens together helps refocus the big cats’ nervous energy, zoos have discovered. Mixed-species friendships are all the rage these days, even between infamously mortal enemies like cats and dogs. Take best friends Kumbali the cheetah and Kago the yellow Labrador Retriever. The duo came to be after kitten Kumbali, at the ... Читать далее...
  18. How Smart Are You?How Smart Are You? —————— 20 Correct — Genius 17 Correct — Above Normal 15 Correct — Normal 8 Correct — Nincompoop 6 Correct — Moron 3 Correct — Idiot QUESTIONS 1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 ... Читать далее...
  19. Животные в моей жизни/ Animals In My LifeНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Animals In My Life Животные в моей жизни Animals are very important in our life. Some of them can become good friends for us. It is especially true about domestic animals. On days when I had no friends to play with in my childhood, I played with my ... Читать далее...
  20. Перевод слова bearBear — медведь; нести, переносить Перевод слова Bear sport — шумная, грубая игра to play the bear — вести себя как медведь to bear a banner — нести знамя I can’t Bear him. Я его не выношу. He couldn’t Bear the humiliation. Он не мог пережить этого унижения. What a Bear! Что за медведь! Ну ... Читать далее...
  21. Catching the bearTwo men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran ... Читать далее...
  22. AnimalsIn Western countries, people spend a lot of money on their pets. They buy special food and toys for their cats and dogs and often pay high fees for medical treatment. Some people think this is a waste of money, and argue that pets are dirty and dangerous. In many Western countries people are fond ... Читать далее...
  23. Перевод слова statisticsStatistics — статистика Перевод слова Legal statistics — судебная статистика population statistics — статистика народонаселения comparative statistics — сравнительная статистика expert in statistics — специалист по статистике Can we trust these Statistics? Можем ли мы доверять этой статистике? He peppered the report with Statistics. Его доклад изобиловал статистическими данными. He has some acquaintance with Statistics. ... Читать далее...
  24. Значение идиомы go to the dogs[go to the dogs] {v. phr.}, {informal} To go to ruin; to be ruinedor destroyed. The man went to the dogs after he started drinking. After the death of the owner, the business went to the dogs. The team went to the dogs when its best players got hurt. Compare:GO TO POT....
  25. How One Cougar Can Plant 94,000 Seeds a YearCougars are great gardeners. You won’t see them carefully pruning bonsai trees with their claws or paging through a Burpee seed catalog, but scientists say that one of these bigs cats can plant around 94,000 seeds in a year. They do this by doing what cats seem to do best: eating and pooping. Ecologists have ... Читать далее...
  26. Упражнения «Страдательный (пассивный) залог прошедшего времени» (с ответами)1. Поставьте глагол в форму пассивного залога прошедшего времени. Jack… (examine) by the doctor. (Джека осмотрел доктор.) The teapot… (break) last week. (Чайник был разбит на прошлой неделе.) The letters… (hand) to Doctor Loyds. (Письма были вручены доктору Лойдс.) The girl… (frighten) by homeless dogs. (Девочку напугали бездомные собаки.) This novel… (not translate). (Этот роман ... Читать далее...
  27. Short reindeer jokesWhat do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you! Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers! Why do reindeer wear fur coats? Because they would look silly in plastic macs! How do you make a slow reindeer fast? Don’t feed it! Why did the ... Читать далее...
  28. Значение идиомы ham-handed[ham-handed] {adj.}, {slang} 1. Having very large hands. Pete isa big, ham-handed man who used to be a football player. 2. See:HEAVY-HANDED....
  29. Значение идиомы bear down[bear down] {v.} 1. To press or push harder; work hard at; give full strength and attention. She is bearing down in her studies to win a scholarship. The baseball pitcher is bearing down. The pitcher bore down on the star batter. Teachers of the deaf bear down on English. The sergeant bears down on ... Читать далее...
  30. A pastor in Maine skipped services one SundayA pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting. Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and ... Читать далее...
  31. Best riddles part 1What animal uses a nutcracker? Ответ: A toothless squirrel! —————————————— What does a dog get when it finishes obedience school? Ответ: A pet degree. —————————————— What is the best way to catch a squirrel? Ответ: Climb a tree and act like a nut. —————————————— What dog never barks no matter what you do to him? ... Читать далее...
  32. Nuns First Hot DogNuns First Hot Dog Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, «I hear that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs.» «Odd,» her companion replies, «but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.» Nodding emphatically, the ... Читать далее...
  33. Chem one-liners 03Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down? What’s the formula for water? — H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? — H-two-O-CUBED Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2? A: Oxymoron The best chemists would ... Читать далее...
  34. Значение идиомы high-handed[high-handed] {adj.} Depending on force rather than right; bossy;dictatorial. With high-handed daring, John helped himself to thebest food on the table. Mr. Smith was a high-handed tyrant in hisoffice....
  35. Значение идиомы left-handed[left-handed] {adj.}, {informal} 1. Using the left hand habitually.2. Crooked; phoney; homosexual. Morris is such a left-handed guy. 3. Clumsy; untoward; awkward. Grab that hammer and stop acting soleft-handed....
  36. Значение идиомы bear with[bear with] {v.}, {formal} To have patience with; not get angry with. Your little sister is sick. Try to bear with her when she cries. It is hard to bear with criticism. Syn.: PUT UP WITH. Compare: CARRY ONE’S CROSS....
  37. Перевод слова wearWear — носить, быть одетым Перевод слова To wear the brand of a traitor — носить клеймо предателя to wear a charm against evil spirits — носить амулет, защищающий от злых духов to wear a parachute — надевать парашют What size do you Wear? Какой размер вы носите? What should I Wear today? Что мне ... Читать далее...
  38. Значение идиомы bear in the air[bear in the air] or [bear in the sky] {n. phr.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band jargon} A police helicopter flying overhead watching for speeders. Slow down, good buddy, there’s a bear in the air....
  39. Two men were walking through the woods whenTwo men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them. The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them. The ... Читать далее...
  40. A story with a moraleA man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. «Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper.» Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. «Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie.» Confused, ... Читать далее...

The results of statistics