Best riddles part 1

What animal uses a nutcracker?

Ответ: A toothless squirrel!

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What does a dog get when it finishes obedience school?

Ответ: A pet degree.

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What is the best way to catch a squirrel?

Ответ: Climb a tree and act like a nut.

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What dog never barks no matter what you do to him?

Ответ: A hot dog.

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Who was the first to have a mobile home?

Ответ: A turtle.

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What is a dog catcher?

Ответ: A spot remover!

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Why do lions eat raw meat?

Ответ: Because they do not know how to cook.

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What do pelicans eat?

Ответ: Anything that fits the bill.

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Why does a chicken lay an egg?

Ответ: If she dropped it, it would break.

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Why should a turtle be pitied?

Ответ: Because his is a hard case.

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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Ответ: Because they do not know the words.

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What goes «Tick tock, woof woof»?

Ответ: A watch dog.

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How do keep an elephant from charging?

Ответ: Take away his credit cards.

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What did the apple say to the worm?

Ответ: You bore me.

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What did the rabbit say to the carrot?

Ответ: Nice gnawing you.

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Why did the baseball team hire a frog?

Ответ: The frog never missed a fly.

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Where do moths go to have fun?

Ответ: To the moth ball.

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How do you know when an owl is tired?

Ответ: When he doesn’t give a hoot.

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What did the bee say when he got home?

Ответ: Hi honey.

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What shellfish lifts weights?

Ответ: Mussels.

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Why did the hen lift weights?

Ответ: She needed the eggs-ercise.

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Why do owls call at night?

Ответ: Because the rates are cheaper.

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What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

Ответ: You can step in a poodle.

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What is a little dog’s favorite drink?

Ответ: Pupsi-cola.

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What is more impressive than a talking dog?

Ответ: A spelling bee.

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What kind of dog chases anything red?

Ответ: A Bulldog.

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What kind of dog does Dracula have?

Ответ: A Bloodhound.

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What kind of dog floats in the air?

Ответ: An Airedale.

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What do you get if an Airedale floats too close to the sun?

Ответ: A hot dog.

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What’s happening when you hear «woof…splat…meow…splat»?

Ответ: It’s raining cats and dogs.

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What do you call a dog that is left-handed?

Ответ: A south paw.

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?

Ответ: Terrier-fied!

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Where do you find a no legged dog?

Ответ: Right where you left him.

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Where do young dogs sleep when they camp out?

Ответ: Pup Tents.

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Where should you never take a dog?

Ответ: To a flea market.

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Which dog tastes better when eaten?

Ответ: A hot dog.

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Which side of a dog has the most hair?

Ответ: The outside.

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Who gave the dog a black eye?

Ответ: Nobody gave it to him. He had to fight for it.

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Who is a dogs favorite comedian?

Ответ: Growlcho Marx.

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Why are dogs such poor dancers?

Ответ: They have two left feet.

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Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?

Ответ: The tomato was in a can.

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

Ответ: It doesn’t matter what you call him, he’s not gonna come.

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Why did the dog jump off the Empire State Building?

Ответ: He wanted to make a hit on Broadway.

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Why did the dog jump up and down on the potato patch?

Ответ: He hoped to raise mashed potatoes.

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Why did the dog run in circles?

Ответ: He was a watchdog and needed winding.

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Why did the dog say he was an actor?

Ответ: His leg was in a cast.

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Why did the dog wear a watch?

Ответ: He wanted to be a watch dog.

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Why did the little boy name his new dog Computer?

Ответ: Because it came with lots of bytes.

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Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?

Ответ: Because frost bites.

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Why do dogs turn around three times before lying down?

Ответ: One good turn deserves another.

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Why do firefighters need Dalmatians?

Ответ: To help them find the fire hydrants.

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Why does a dog scratch himself?

Ответ: Because no one else knows where it itches.

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What do you call a great dog detective?

Ответ: Sherlock Bones.

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What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?

Ответ: RUFF.

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What happens to the duck who flies upside down?

Ответ: He quacks up!

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What horse never goes out in the day time?

Ответ: A night mare.

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What did the dog say to the little child pulling his tail?

Ответ: That is the end of me!

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Why don’t pigs drive cars?

Ответ: They would become road hogs.

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What is the smartest kind of bee?

Ответ: A spelling bee.

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Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?

Ответ: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

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What is a mosquito’s favorite sport?

Ответ: Skin diving.

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How do you fix a broken gorilla?

Ответ: With a monkey wrench.

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What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?

Ответ: Hush puppies!

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What is the best year for a kangaroo?

Ответ: Leap year.

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Why did the police arrest the bird?

Ответ: Because he was a robin.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?

Ответ: He doesn’t believe in dogs.

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Who designed Noah’s ark?

Ответ: An ark-itect.

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Why was the pig thrown out of the football game?

Ответ: For playing dirty.

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What kind of food does a race horse eat?

Ответ: Fast food.

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What is a snake’s favorite ice cream?

Ответ: Hiss-tachio.

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How do you bake a cake for Lassie?

Ответ: You start with collie flour.

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How do you know when the fish is fresh?

Ответ: When they bite your fingers.

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Where do rabbits go to have their eyes examined?

Ответ: To the hop-tometrist.

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What do you get if you cross a beagle with bread dough?

Ответ: Dog biscuits.

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What happened when the centipede broke all his feet?

Ответ: He did not have a leg to stand on.

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What bird never goes to a barber?

Ответ: A bald eagle.

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What kind of birds are most frequently found in captivity?

Ответ: Jailbirds.

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What do hens study in college?

Ответ: Egg — onomics.

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What is black and yellow and goes zzub, zzub?

Ответ: A bee flying backwards.

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How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?

Ответ: Melon-collie!

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What is the snappiest snake?

Ответ: A garter snake.

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How is a dog like a penny?

Ответ: They both have a head and a tail.

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What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?

Ответ: Dingo Starr!

Why are mosquitoes so annoying?

Ответ: Because they get under our skin.

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What kind of leopard has red spots?

Ответ: One who has the measles.

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Which fish are the brightest?

Ответ: Sunfish.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

Ответ: A trombone.

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Which animal talks the most?

Ответ: The yak.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Ответ: Because their horns don’t work.

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Why do squirrels spend so much time in trees?

Ответ: To get away from all the nuts on the ground.

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What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?

Ответ: Well, doggone!

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What kind of bandit steals cats?

Ответ: A purr-snatcher.

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Jennifer went swimming and saw a shark in the water with her, but she wasn’t afraid! Why not?

Ответ: Because it was a man-eating shark.

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What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?

Ответ: Cockerpoodledoo!

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What animal drops from the clouds?

Ответ: The rein-deer.

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What animal doesn’t play fair?

Ответ: The Cheetah.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

Ответ: To get to the other slide.

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What do bees do with all their honey?

Ответ: They Cell it.

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What is the principal part of a horse?

Ответ: The mane part.

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Best riddles part 1