The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many

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1. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]...
2. Army fitness report British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. […]...
3. British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”…. – His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity. – I would not breed from this Officer. – This Officer is really […]...
4. Перевод слова congress Congress – конгресс Перевод слова The World Peace Congress – Всемирный конгресс сторонников мира medical congress – съезд врачей an annual congress – ежегодный съезд Congress authorized the project. Конгресс одобрил проект. Congress has the power to declare war. Конгресс имеет право объявлять войну. Congress is expected to pass the bill. Ожидается, что конгресс утвердит […]...
5. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!” The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without […]...
6. Here is this guy who really takes care of his body Here is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body. he noticed that he is really sun-tanned all over, except his penis, and he decies to do something about it. He goes to the […]...
7. At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems and the resulting strategies. One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, “Will we have to fight a World War Three?” “Yes, comrades, looks like […]...
8. A blonde goes for a job interview A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh.. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can you […]...
9. Military work rules 1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer’s statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you are able to go on sick parade, you are able to come to work. 2. Leave of Absence for an Operation: We are no longer allowing this practice. We […]...
10. Значение идиомы foot [foot] See: AT ONE’S FEET, COLD FEET, DEAD ON ONE’S FEET, DRAGONE’S FEET, FROM HEAD TO FOOT, GET OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT, GET ONE’SFEET WET, HAND AND FOOT, KEEP ONE’S FEET, KNOCK OFF ONE’S FEET, LANDON ONE’S FEET, LET GRASS GROW UNDER ONE’S FEET, ONE FOOT IN THE GRAVE, ON FOOT, ON ONE’S FEET, […]...
11. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
12. One doc operated on a person for a hernia One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. […]...
13. Значение идиомы bottom [bottom] See: BET ONE’S BOOTS or BET ONE’S BOTTOM DOLLAR, FROM THE BOTTOM OF ONE’S HEART, FROM — TO –, GET TO THE BOTTOM OF, HIT BOTTOM or TOUCH BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM, SCRAPE THE BOTTOM OF THE BARREL....
14. Перевод слова measure Measure – мера, размер, измерение Перевод слова Measure of concordance – мера соответствия to measure the depth of a shelf – измерить глубину полки preventive measure – предупредительная мера quantity under measure – измеряемая величина The room Measures 6×6 metres. Комната размером 6 на 6 метров. He loved her beyond Measure. Он любил ее без […]...
15. Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and “splash” they’re all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is […]...
16. I trust you that you paid A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer. “Okay,” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.” The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees […]...
17. This guy was driving down the highway This guy was driving down the highway and was pulled over by the cops. The cop asked the man for his name and the guy replied, “Earl.” “You got a last name, Earl?” “Nope. It’s a long story, Officer.” “I got time.” Earl sighs and says, “Well, Officer, at first I was known as Earl […]...
18. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a […]...
19. Charged for speeding A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away […]...
20. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
21. IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest of us may find it rather funny. Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse balls are now available as FRU. […]...
22. Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s penis, she jumped into her car and sped away. On her way down the highway, holding her husbands penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the window. She opened her window and tossed the penis as far as she could and sped away […]...
23. Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
24. Balls Once man came to doctor and said to him that his balls don’t work. doctor implanted to him one iron and one wooden ball. in some years they meet in the street and doctor asked him. ooo how are your balls working? the man: they work perfectly. I have 2 boys-one’s name is Robocob and […]...
25. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
26. Перевод слова bottom Bottom – низ, дно Перевод слова Bottom shelf – нижняя полка bottom fish – донная рыба bottom door – трап, люк It’s on the Bottom shelf. Это на нижней полке. The pants flare at the Bottom. Брюки книзу расширяются. He tripped on the Bottom step. Он споткнулся о нижнюю ступеньку....
27. Three altar boys are standing in the snow with Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, “Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.” The tallest altar boy turns around and […]...
28. Collection 15 If you were a swine, you would be what you are now! You say that you are always bright and early. Well, OK!! We know you are early. A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it. You’re nobody’s fool. Let’s see if we can get someone to adopt […]...
29. They are stopped by the police John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just […]...
30. The general went to the doctor for a physical The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions – age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex. ‘Oh,’ he mused, ‘It was 1945.’ ‘Isn’t that a long time to go without sex?’ the doctor asked. ‘I […]...
31. Значение идиомы in the clouds [in the clouds] {adj. phr.} Far from real life; in dreams; infancy; in thought. When Alice agreed to marry Jim, Jim went home inthe clouds. – Often used with “head”, “mind”, “thoughts”. Mary islooking out the window, not at the chalkboard; her head is in theclouds again. A good teacher should have his head in […]...
32. Перевод слова officer Officer – офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer – помощник должностного лица customs officer – таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer – офицер запаса flying control officer – диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of […]...
33. Значение идиомы beyond measure [beyond measure] {adj.} or {adv. phr.}, {formal} So much that it can not be measured or figured without any limits. With her parents reunited and present at her graduation, she had happiness beyond measure. No one envied him for he was popular beyond measure....
34. Значение идиомы head and shoulders [head and shoulders] {adv. phr.} 1. By the measure of the head andshoulders. The basketball player is head and shoulders taller thanthe other boys. 2. By far; by a great deal; very much. She is headand shoulders above the rest of the class in singing. See: FAR ANDAWAY....
35. Перевод слова medical Medical – медицинский, врачебный Перевод слова Medical dictionary – медицинский словарь medical facilities – медицинские учреждения medical malpractice – медицинская небрежность He was retired on Medical grounds. Его отправили в отставку по состоянию здоровья. Diseases unwritten in Medical books. Болезни, незафиксированные в медицинских книгах. Before the Medical exam, you must fast. Перед медосмотром вы должны […]...
36. The Higher Organs of Power in the USA By the US Constitution the government of the nation is entrusted to three separate authorities: the Executive, the Legislative and the Judicial. The executive power is vested in the President, who holds his office during the term of four years, and is elected together with the Vice-President. Among the duties and powers of the President […]...
37. Значение идиомы hit bottom [hit bottom] or [touch bottom] {v. phr.}, {informal} 1. To be atthe very lowest. In August there was a big supply of corn and theprice hit bottom. When Johnny failed the exam his spirits hitbottom. 2. To live through the worst; not to be able to go any lower. After all their troubles, they thought […]...
38. Значение идиомы base on balls [base on balls] {n.} First base given to a baseball batter who is pitched four balls outside of the strike zone. He was a good judge of pitchers and often received bases on balls....
39. Fred Dingaling A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he’s in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name. “Fred,” he replies. “Fred what?” […]...
40. Famous russian generals – Известные русские генералы All Russian people know these names, Alexander Suvorov and Michael Kutuzov. They are two famous generals. Alexander Vasilyevich Suvorov was born in 1729. He was a noble, honest man, devoted to his country and his people. Suvorov took part in many wars. He had a lot of victories because he knew army life very well. […]...