The dog and the butcher

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1. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter […]...
2. Buying Meat from a Butcher Butcher: Good morning. What can I get for you? Samantha: I’d like some Lamb chops, Pork chops, and some Beef, but I’m not sure which Cuts I want yet. Butcher: You’ve come to the right Butcher shop. Everything here is Fresh. Everything comes straight from the Slaughterhouse. Samantha: Um, I’m glad to hear that. Butcher: […]...
3. At the Butcher’s Butcher: What can I get for you? Gina: I’d like a pound of Ground beef, please. Butcher: Would you like the regular or the extra Lean? The extra lean is a dollar more per pound. Gina: I’ll take the regular. Could you also Throw in two thick Pork chops and two Chicken breasts? Butcher: I’m […]...
4. At the Butcher’s Butcher: What can I get for you? Gina: I’d like a pound of Ground beef, please. Butcher: Would you like the regular or the extra Lean? The extra lean is a dollar more per pound. Gina: I’ll take the regular. Could you also Throw in two thick Pork chops and two Chicken breasts? Butcher: I’m […]...
5. Free meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the […]...
6. What will communism be like when perfected? Little Boy: What will communism be like when perfected? His Father: Everyone will have what he needs. LB: But what if there is a shortage of meat? HF: There will be a sign in the butcher shop saying, “No one needs meat today.”...
7. Перевод слова invoice Invoice – счет-фактура, накладная Перевод слова To issue an invoice – выписывать счет to send an invoice – посылать счет duplicate invoice – копия счета The conditions of sale are printed on the back of the Invoice. Условия продажи напечатаны на оборотной стороне накладной. Let me get the store manager, and he’ll rectify the Invoice […]...
8. Very fair payment An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and […]...
9. World of shopping. Как не пойти за хлебом в Butcher’s. Разговорник по теме Магазины и Покупки Снимаем стресс прогулкой по магазинам и не забываем правильные названия отделов с различными товарами: от духов до булочек. Наша shopping подборка вооружит вас самыми распространенными фразами и понятиями. Что может сказать покупатель I’m just browsing |ˈbraʊzɪŋ|, thanks. – Я просто присматриваюсь, спасибо. Window – витрина/ How much is that dress in the window? – Сколько […]...
10. Перевод слова roast Roast – жариться, жарить Перевод слова To roast the concentrate – обжигать концентрат to roast coffee beans – жарить кофейные зерна pot roast – тушеное мясо The meat was Roasting in the oven. В духовке жарилось мясо. We ate Roast beef like dragons. Мы с жадностью набросились на жаркое. The chicken is Roasting in the […]...
11. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
12. Перевод слова neighbour Neighbour – сосед Перевод слова Chatty neighbour – разговорчивый сосед to communicate with one’s neighbour – общаться с соседом good-neighbour policy – политика добрососедства England’s nearest Neighbour is France Франция – ближайший сосед Англии She was carrying on with a Neighbour. Она флиртовала с соседом. One of the Neighbors complained about the noise from the […]...
13. Question and answer Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck! Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do? A: […]...
14. Receiving Letters and Packages in the Mail Celeste: Did the mail come? Anwar: Yes, you got some Letters and a Package. Celeste: Oh, I hope that one of those Envelopes has the photos Naomi promised us. Did you notice the Postmark? Anwar: No, but they’re sitting in the hall. Celeste: Those photos are Overdue and should have been Delivered days ago. Naomi […]...
15. Перевод слова attach Attach – прикреплять, прилагать Перевод слова To attach a stamp – наклеить марку to attach documents to a letter – приложить к письму документы to attach goods – арестовать имущество The handle is not very well Attached. Ручка плохо прикреплена. I Attached the file to the e-mail. Я прикрепил файл к электронному письму. She Attached […]...
16. Communication problem There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and they lived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. […]...
17. A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three […]...
18. How Smart Are You? How Smart Are You? —————— 20 Correct – Genius 17 Correct – Above Normal 15 Correct – Normal 8 Correct – Nincompoop 6 Correct – Moron 3 Correct – Idiot QUESTIONS 1. Do they have a 4th of July in England? 2. How many birthdays does the average man have? 3. Some months have 31 […]...
19. Значение идиомы check with [check with] {v. phr.} 1. To consult. I want to check with my lawyer before I sign the papers. 2. To agree with. Does my reconciliation of our account check with the bank statement?...
20. Buying Stamps at the Post Office Clerk: Can I help you? Tamika: I’d like to buy some Stamps. Clerk: In what Denomination? Tamika: I’m not sure. I need them for sending regular letters and for Priority Mail. Clerk: The current Rate for sending a First-class letter is 41 cents. With first-class service, your letter will get there in three to seven […]...
21. Значение идиомы wiener roast [wiener roast] or [hot dog roast] {n.} A party where frankfurtersare cooked and eaten over an outdoor fire. For his birthday party, John had a wiener roast in his backyard. Mary’s Girl Scout troophad a hot dog roast on their overnight hike....
22. The talking dog A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. “This is a talking dog,” he said. “And you can have him for five dollars.” The neighbour said, “Who do you think you’re kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain’t no such animal.” Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. “Please […]...
23. Informal letter to the hoster family From: Sarah Smith (Sarah@mail. ru) To: Mr. and Mrs. James (James@ mail. ru) Subject: Hello from Cyprus! Dear Mr. and Mrs. James, I am arriving in New York airport at 10 am on Sunday (3 pm of Cyprus time) on 20th March. I think I am really lucky because I have opportunity to get free […]...
24. The cost of a brain A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. “How much does it cost for engineer brain?” “Three dollars an […]...
25. Radar Gun Error An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a […]...
26. Man needs a turkey It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door. “Please let me in,” says the man desperately. “I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.” “Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see […]...
27. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
28. Перевод слова legal Legal – правовой, юридический, законный Перевод слова Legal person – юридическое лицо legal profession – профессия юриста of legal force – имеющий законную силу legal owner – законный владелец What I did was perfectly Legal. То, что я делал, было абсолютно легально. They paid a fortune in Legal fees. Они заплатили уйму денег за судебные […]...
29. Working in the garden A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! […]...
30. Paying the Bills Grace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus […]...
31. Paying the Bills Grace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus […]...
32. A lawyer named Strange died A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer.” The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: […]...
33. Перевод слова communicate Communicate – говорить, общаться Перевод слова To communicate with one’s neighbour – общаться с соседом to communicate by telephone – связаться по телефону communicate to – передавать We Communicated mostly by e-mail. Мы общались в основном по e-mail. I shall Communicate with you direct. Я сразу же свяжусь с вами. The rooms Communicate. Эти комнаты […]...
34. Перевод слова mail Mail – почта, посылать по почте Перевод слова To deliver mail – доставлять почту to deliver by air mail – доставлять авиапочтой by mail – по почте express mail – экспресс-почта She Mailed the package to me. Она послала мне посылку. You’ve Got Mail. Вам письмо. The order came by Mail. Заказ пришел по почте. […]...
35. Значение идиомы spot check [spot check] {n. phr.} A sample check or investigation. InternalRevenue Service employees often conduct a spot check of individualreturns when the figures don’t add up....
36. Перевод слова lawyer Lawyer – адвокат, юрист Перевод слова A lawyer by profession – юрист по профессии lawyer’s clients – клиенты адвоката lawyer practice, practice of law – юридическая практика You should see a Lawyer. Вы должны увидеться с адвокатом. You should talk to a Lawyer. Вам следует проконсультироваться с юристом. I got a letter from my Lawyer. […]...
37. The Barber Shop This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a […]...
38. A local United Way office realized that A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like […]...
39. This is one smart dog A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door. “An’ wot’s this then?” he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher’s shins. “You dumb dog.” As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices […]...
40. Whatever Happened To… the woman who hammered Comcast? Mona “The Hammer” Shaw doesn’t have any regrets about laying waste to her local Comcast office with said construction tool, bucko, don’t you worry. Once she got out of the handcuffs that August 2007 afternoon, and a story in The Washington Post made the 70-something retired nurse from Bristow a folk hero for fed-up customers […]...