The Army Airborne major was used to harassment

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1. A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news. “So, did you […]...
2. A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. “Sergeant-Major!” the colonel shouted.”Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.” “Yessir,” the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. “Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate […]...
3. There is a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands There’s a guy from ARMY driving from West Point to the Meadowlands, a guy from the NAVY was driving from Annapolis to the Meadowlands, and an Air Force guy who’s driving from McGwire in South Jerz to the Meadowlands just to watch the Jets. In the middle of the night with no other cars on […]...
4. A drill instructor at Airborne school was A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group of new troops on making a proper jump. He told them: “When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell ‘Geronimo!’ and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, […]...
5. There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for There was this hooker who mistook a Salvation Army man for a soldier and propositioned him. The Salvation Army gent said, “Ma’am, you may be forgiven, as a pitiable victim of circumstances. Tell me, are you familiar with the concept of ‘original sin’?” The hooker replied, “Well, maybe and maybe not. But if it’s “really” […]...
6. Перевод слова major Major – главный, важный; мажор; майор Перевод слова Major question – главный вопрос major drawback – основной недостаток major road – главная дорога major chord – мажорный аккорд She is Majoring in linguistics. Ее специализация – лингвистика. A captain is below a Major. Капитан по званию ниже, чем майор. Our car needs a Major overhaul. […]...
7. A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!” The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without […]...
8. Перевод слова army Army – армия Перевод слова Army brass – командующий армией to organize an army – создать армию to raise an army – собрать армию I was an Army brat. Я была армия, брат. The Army was disranked. Армия была дезорганизована. The Army surged forward Армия рванулась вперед. Интересные факты In the Army Now – семнадцатый […]...
9. How Chuko Liang Used A Lute To Single-Handedly Defeat An Army Of 150,000 During China’s Three Kingdoms period there was a brilliant general and master strategist of Shu Han named Chuko “Sleeping Dragon” Liang. During the War of the Three Kingdoms, he had sent a majority of his soldiers many miles away before he was alerted that an opposing army of 150,000 was headed towards the small town […]...
10. Army needs new recruits Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting 8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles 7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit? 6. Get rid of all those creepy “Richard Simmons Wants […]...
11. High military ranks When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough. “That’s the only way to command respect in the Army,” his friends said. So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth. “Show me […]...
12. As a sergeant in a parachute regiment As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. “Scared, Lieutenant?”, I asked. He replied, “No, just a bit apperhensive.” I asked, “What’s […]...
13. Перевод слова dumb Dumb – немой, бессловесный, глупый Перевод слова Dumb crambo – шарада-пантомима deaf and dumb from birth – глухонемой от рождения dumb brutes – бессловесные твари dumb bunny – глупец, дурак He’s kinda Dumb, isn’t he? Он отчасти глуповат, не так ли? What a Dumb question. Что за тупой вопрос. I was struck Dumb with astonishment […]...
14. Piano Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller? A: A flat major. Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her […]...
15. When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and When Joe’s wife ran away with his car, his money and his best friend, he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, “Life isn’t worth living. I think I’m gonna top myself.” “Don’t be stupid, Joe,” said the psychiatrist. “My wife ran […]...
16. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip – a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. “I’d salute […]...
17. Impressing the others A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan. He’d been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw an enlisted man come into his outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the officer picked up the phone and started to pretend […]...
18. How Army policy began This is Army policy all begins… Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes […]...
19. During an Army war game During an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C. O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. “Sorry sir,” said one of the loafers, “but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.” The C. […]...
20. Making a bet at a bar Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. “I’ll bet you $10 he’ll jump,” said the first guy. “Bet you $10 he won’t,” said the second guy. Then, the guy on […]...
21. Перевод сленгового выражения dumb bunny, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: dumb bunny Перевод: простофиля; глуповатый человек Пример: He really is a dumb bunny. I can’t believe that he can do such stupid things. Он действительно простофиля. Не могу поверить, что он совершает такие глупые поступки....
22. A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb blonde. Her friend tells her “go do something to prove them wrong! Why don’t you learn all the state capitals or something?” The blonde thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. The next party she […]...
23. Перевод слова aircraft Aircraft – самолет, воздушное судно Перевод слова Aircraft armament – вооружение самолета aircraft camera – аэрофотоаппарат, аэрокамера aircraft crew – экипаж самолета The Aircraft was blown to bits. Самолет разорвало в клочья. The Aircraft burst into flames. Самолет вспыхнул. The Aircraft overshot the runway. Самолет приземлился за посадочной полосой. Происхождение слова aircraft Образовано от двух […]...
24. An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new An army private went to see the Medical Captain for a new pair of glasses. The Captain looked in his book of record and said, “But you just got a new pair last month!” “Yes sir, b.. b.. but I got them b..broken in an accident,” stammered the private. “Accident, what kind of an accident?” […]...
25. A construction worker was whistling A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site. She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking. Annoyed the worker yelled “Well you’re an ugly bitch anyway!” The girl turned around and replied “It must be terrible when even an ugly bitch won’t give you […]...
26. Nine things Dogs don’t Understand 1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3a. m. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. Barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive […]...
27. A gentler way At the morning roll call at Fort Dix, the sergeant called out, “Platoon, atten-HUT! Private Martinez, report to the office. Your brother died last night.” The Chaplain, Rabbi Horowitz, looked on in horror. “Sergeant,” he said afterwards, “that’s a rather cruel and unfeeling way to break tragic news. We must be more gentle and less […]...
28. While attending a spelling session in school one day While attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says “I can, I can” The teacher replies, “OK, go ahead Darla…” Darla replies…”D-U-M-B” The teacher replies, “very good”, and “can you use that word in a sentence?” Darla replies, “Sure, […]...
29. Major Historical Periods Livy: Tell me again why we’re here on a Saturday afternoon. Nicholas: You’re going to love this Museum. It has Artifacts and Exhibits from all the major periods in history, from Prehistoric days to the present. Livy: Hmm, fascinating. Nicholas: It is, isn’t it? We follow thetimeline of human history from one room to the […]...
30. Перевод слова stupid Stupid – глупый, бестолковый Перевод слова Stupid blunder – глупая ошибка stupid jackass – тупой осел plumb stupid – абсолютно тупой He understands – he’s not Stupid. Он понимает – он вовсе не дурак. I was Stupid to agree. Я согласился по глупости. She annoyed him with her Stupid questions. Она раздражала его своими глупыми […]...
31. THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT CONSENT FORM Name:______________________________ SOCIAL SECURITY No:____________________ ADDRESS:___________________________ CITY:__________________________________ STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________ HOME PHONE No.:________________________ MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________ OFFICE PHONE No.:______________________ SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Male – Female Female – Female Male – Male All of the Above None of the Above – Please Specify: _____________________ I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT: Salutatory Greeting: _____________________ Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________ Eye-to-Bust […]...
32. Humor relating to Iraq The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics: 1. Engage the enemy. 2. Draw him into your territory. 3. Wait until winter sets in. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
33. A recruit who wasn’t really meant to be a soldier A recruit who wasn’t really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, “I think I’ll just go and shoot myself.” The sergeant said, “Better take a couple of extra bullets!”...
34. Southerners are not that stupid A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, “HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We’re not all stupid ya know!” “Relax,” said the ventriloquist, “They’re just jokes!” “Shut up, buddy,” the hick […]...
35. Перевод слова jump Jump – прыгать; скачок, резкое повышение Перевод слова To jump for joy – прыгать от радости to jump into a taxi – вскочить в такси to give a jump – резко подняться, подскочить jump in prices – резкое повышение цен How high can you Jump? Как высоко ты можешь прыгнуть? Don’t Jump the camera. Не […]...
36. Bring some more ammo The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson’s Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: “Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself.” “By shooting?” reasked the company commander, “Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible.” – – – – – – – […]...
37. Landing at a hidden military base You’ve all heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The […]...
38. UPDATE: Another Major U. S. City Has Made It Mandatory For Pet Stores To Only Sell Rescues Lawmakers in Beverly Hills are following Phoenix, Arizona’s lead. It is now illegal for pet stores in Beverly Hills to sell dogs and cats that are not from a shelter or rescue. Beverly Hills council member Lili Bosse told the Huffington Post: “I am the biggest animal lover and feel strongly about giving them a […]...
39. Giving sad news to a troop The Captain called the Sergeant in. “Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones’ mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me.” So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. “Listen up, men,” says the Sergeant. “Johnson, report to the mess hall […]...
40. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not […]...