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Piano

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.

Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major.

Q: What do you say to an army officer as you’re about to run him or her over with a steam roller?
A: Be flat, major.

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major.

Q: What key is «Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight» written in?
A: C sharp or B flat.

Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major.

Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?
A: A natural major.

Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won’t blow away?
A: Root position cords.
A note left for a pianist from his wife
Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.



Рассказ по английскому отечественная война.
Business plan topics.

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  1. OrganQ: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist’s fingers like lightning? A: Because they rarely strike the same place twice. Q: What do you get if you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat miner. Q: What do ... Читать далее...
  2. Перевод слова pianoPiano — фортепьяно, пианино Перевод слова Piano pedal — педаль фортепиано piano player — пианист piano quartet — фортепьянный квартет He sang and she accompanied him on the Piano. Он пел, а она аккомпанировала ему на фортепьяно. The Piano is out of tune. Пианино расстроено. My kid sister plays Piano. Моя маленькая сестренка играет на ... Читать далее...
  3. The Army Airborne major was used to harassmentThe Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. «Obviously the Air Force knows there’s no such thing as a ‘perfectly good aircraft,'» the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, «because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in ... Читать далее...
  4. Where is my goatThere were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched ... Читать далее...
  5. There were these three morticians talking aboutThere were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats. The first one says, «I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!!» The next guy says, «oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run ... Читать далее...
  6. Перевод слова steamSteam — пар, мчаться Перевод слова To bleed steam — стравливать пар to blow with steam — продувать паром he steamed out of the room — он бросился вон из комнаты Boiling water gives off Steam. От кипящей воды идет пар. He was lacking in Steam. Ему не хватало куража. The windows have Steamed over, ... Читать далее...
  7. Перевод слова minorMinor — незначительный; грустный, минорный Перевод слова Minor part — второстепенная роль minor differences — незначительные разногласия the conversation was pitched in a minor key — разговор был очень грустный minor improvement — незначительное улучшение The delay will be Minor. Задержка будет незначительной. He’s had a Minor heart op. Он перенес небольшую операцию на сердце. ... Читать далее...
  8. Question answer 04What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd? Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence? A flat back four! Why did ... Читать далее...
  9. Перевод слова sharpSharp — острый, отточенный, острие Перевод слова Sharp bend — крутой изгиб sharp blade — острое лезвие sharp eye — острый взгляд the sharp of the hand — ребро ладони I felt a Sharp pain in my lower back. Я почувствовал острую боль в нижней части спины. John’s tone was Sharp. Тон Джона был резким. ... Читать далее...
  10. Значение идиомы let off steam[let off steam] or [blow off steam] {v. phr.} 1. To let or makesteam escape; send out steam. The janitor let off some steambecause the pressure was too high. 2. {informal} To get rid ofphysical energy or strong feeling through activity; talk or be veryactive physically after forced quiet. After the long ride on thebus, ... Читать далее...
  11. A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial IndiaA British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. «Sergeant-Major!» the colonel shouted.»Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave.» «Yessir,» the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. «Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate ... Читать далее...
  12. Перевод слова officerOfficer — офицер, чиновник, должностное лицо Перевод слова Assistant officer — помощник должностного лица customs officer — таможенный чиновник non-combatant officer — офицер запаса flying control officer — диспетчер полетов The police Officer was directing traffic. Полицейский регулировал движение транспорта. No Officer was touched. Ни один офицер не был ранен. He is an Officer of ... Читать далее...
  13. Значение идиомы look sharp[look sharp] {v.} To be alert; be very attentive; keep a closewatch. It pays to look sharp in traffic. The guide told us tolook sharp because there were rattlesnakes around....
  14. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a jobA blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think ... Читать далее...
  15. Time for the weddingA police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said to keep quiet! You’re ... Читать далее...
  16. Перевод слова mineMine — шахта, рудник; добывать; мой, мое Перевод слова To develop a mine — обустраивать шахту to mine diamonds — добывать алмазы abandoned mine — заброшенная шахта it is mine — это мое He is a Mine of information. Он ходячая энциклопедия. This Mine is now laid in. Эта шахта законсервирована. She’s a new love ... Читать далее...
  17. Too much speedingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But, officer,» the man began, «I can explain» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say» «And I said ... Читать далее...
  18. Chief is at a weddingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said ... Читать далее...
  19. Test for being drunkA police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, «Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.» The man says, «Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have ... Читать далее...
  20. Значение идиомы under one’s own steam[under one’s own steam] {adv. phr.}, {informal} By one’s ownefforts; without help. The boys got to Boston under their own steamand took a bus the rest of the way. We didn’t think he could doit, but Bobby finished his homework under his own steam....
  21. Перевод слова flatFlat — плоский, ровный; плоскость; квартира Перевод слова Flat roof — плоская крыша cold-water flat — квартира без горячей воды the flat of the hand — ладонь A Flat stone was used as a table. Плоский камень использовался в качестве стола. The Flat was so cute. Квартира была так хороша. Work on a clean, Flat ... Читать далее...
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  23. Значение идиомы at the drop of a hat[at the drop of a hat] {adv. phr.}, {informal} 1. Without waiting; immediately; promptly. If you need a babysitter quickly, call Mary, because she can come at the drop of a hat. Compare: ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT. 2. Whenever you have a chance; with very little cause or urging. At the drop of ... Читать далее...
  24. Перевод слова armyArmy — армия Перевод слова Army brass — командующий армией to organize an army — создать армию to raise an army — собрать армию I was an Army brat. Я была армия, брат. The Army was disranked. Армия была дезорганизована. The Army surged forward Армия рванулась вперед. Интересные факты In the Army Now — семнадцатый ... Читать далее...
  25. A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and outA policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. «I can’t do that, officer.» «Why not?» «Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.» «Okay, we’ll just get a ... Читать далее...
  26. Значение идиомы sharp as a tack[sharp as a tack] {adj. phr.} 1. Very neatly and stylishly dressed That new boy always looks sharp as a tack in class. 2. Veryintelligent; smart; quick-witted. Tom is sharp as a tack; he got100 on every test....
  27. What Will Be There in My New FlatВ топике Что будет в моей новой квартире – я делюсь своими планами о будущей жизни в моей собственной квартире. Я хочу 3-х комнатную квартиру, просторную и удобную, с множеством красивых и удобных вещей. Я мечтаю о гостиной, где я буду принимать своих друзей, у меня будет свой собственный кабинет с библиотекой, и еще я ... Читать далее...
  28. Перевод слова dropDrop — капля, капать; бросать, ронять, падать Перевод слова Drop in the bucket — капля в море to drop the anchor — бросать якорь to drop one’s purse — обронить кошелек I didn’t spill a Drop. Я не пролил ни капли. The apple Dropped to the ground. Яблоко упало на землю. He Dropped his voice. ... Читать далее...
  29. A penis studyIn 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the study was published, ... Читать далее...
  30. Перевод сленгового выражения blow off steam, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: blow off steam Перевод: выпустить пар, дать волю злости, снять напряжение Синоним: vent Пример: Rob screams and yells a lot. He should find some other way to blow off steam. Роб слишком много кричит и орет. Ему следует найти другой способ выпустить пар. Playing sports after school helps students blow off steam. Занятия ... Читать далее...
  31. My Flat (2)We have a nice flat in a new block of flats. Our flat is on the fifth floor of a nine-storied building. It has all modem conveniences: central heating, running hot and cold water, electricity, gas, a lift and a chute to carry rubbish down. We have a three-room flat which consists of a living-room, ... Читать далее...
  32. Speak more preciselyTwo young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. «My sergeants are wonderful», said one soldier. «I wish I could say the same about mine,» said the other. «You could if you could lie as I do.» — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
  33. Значение идиомы flat-footed[flat-footed] {adj.}, {informal} 1. Straightforward; forthright;direct; outright. The governor issued a flat-footed denial of theaccusation. He came out flat-footed against the idea. 2. Notready; not prepared; — usually used with «catch». The teacher’squestion caught Tim flat-footed. Unexpected company at lunch timecaught Mrs. Green flat-footed....
  34. Перевод слова majorMajor — главный, важный; мажор; майор Перевод слова Major question — главный вопрос major drawback — основной недостаток major road — главная дорога major chord — мажорный аккорд She is Majoring in linguistics. Ее специализация — лингвистика. A captain is below a Major. Капитан по званию ниже, чем майор. Our car needs a Major overhaul. ... Читать далее...
  35. During an Army war gameDuring an Army war game, a commanding officer’s jeep got stuck in the mud. The C. O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck. «Sorry sir,» said one of the loafers, «but we’ve been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn’t contribute in any way.» The C. ... Читать далее...
  36. A police officer came upon a terrible wreckA police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said «I wish you could talk.» The monkey looked up at ... Читать далее...
  37. There was a man and woman traveling along in their carThere was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says «Did you know you were speeding back there.» The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband «What did he say, what did ... Читать далее...
  38. Trust a fellow officerA defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial — it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer ... Читать далее...
  39. Obey the speed limitSitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see’s a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, «This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!»So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are ... Читать далее...
  40. The Pentagon decided one day that there were to manyThe Pentagon decided one day that there were to many Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to three of them. They called Congress and asked them to vote on a method of determining each General’s early retirement bonus. After voting Congress decided that each man would choose two points of their body to ... Читать далее...

Piano