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Texan’s guide to life

Never squat with yer spurs on.

There’s two theories to arguin’ with a woman; neither one works.

Don’t worry about bitin’ off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger’n you think.

If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.

Never smack a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.

It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier ‘n puttin’ it back in.

Finally, never miss a good chance to shut up



Fashion топик.
My future profession is a teacher.

Related topics:

  1. Значение идиомы win one’s spurs[win one’s spurs] {v. phr.} 1. In old times, to be named a knightwith the right to wear little sharp spikes on your heels. A youngsquire won his spurs in battle. 2. To win fame or honor. The younglieutenant won his spurs by leading an attack on enemy machine guns. Edison won his spurs as ... Читать далее...
  2. Перевод сленгового выражения squat, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: squat Сленговое выражение: squat груб. Перевод: очень малое количество; почти ничего Пример: You don’t know squat. Ты ничего не знаешь. I work all day, but it doesn’t get me squat. Я работаю весь день, но это ни черта мне не приносит....
  3. Значение идиомы chew the fat[chew the fat] or [chew the rag] {v. phr.}, {slang} To talk together in an idle, friendly fashion; chat. We used to meet after work, and chew the fat over coffee and doughnuts. The old man would chew the rag for hours with anyone who would join him....
  4. Перевод слова herdHerd — стадо, толпа; собирать вместе Перевод слова Herd instinct — стадное чувство a herd of parasites — толпа бездельников a herd of bicyclists — стайка велосипедистов a herd of horses — табун лошадей They Herded the students into the auditorium. Они согнали студентов в актовый зал. The horses were Herded into the corral. Лошадей ... Читать далее...
  5. Значение идиомы ride herd on[ride herd on] {v. phr.} 1. To patrol on horseback around a herd ofanimals to see that none of them wanders away. Two cowboys rodeherd on the cattle being driven to market. 2. {informal} To watchclosely and control; take care of. A special legislative assistantrides herd on the bills the president is anxious to have ... Читать далее...
  6. A woman goes to a psychiatrist and saysA woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, «Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!» «I wouldn’t worry too much about it,» the doctor replies. «Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.» «But you don’t understand,» the woman insists. «He sleeps with his mouth open, ... Читать далее...
  7. Значение идиомы bite off more than one can chew[bite off more than one can chew] {v. phr.}, {informal} To try to do more than you can; be too confident of your ability. He bit off more than he could chew when he agreed to edit the paper alone. He started to repair his car himself, but realized that he had bitten off more ... Читать далее...
  8. TarzaniaWhat does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance? «Look, a herd of elephants in the distance» What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses in the distance? Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in ... Читать далее...
  9. Great School Humor«I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.» — Groucho Marx 1890-1977 — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
  10. Drink fault-finding guideA solution to all of your drinking troubles Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is ... Читать далее...
  11. Значение идиомы mouth[mouth] See: BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN ONE’S MOUTH, BUTTERWOULDN’T MELT IN ONE’S MOUTH, BY WORD OF MOUTH, DOWN IN THE DUMPS orDOWN IN THE MOUTH, FOAM AT THE MOUTH, HEART IN ONE’S MOUTH, KEEP ONE’SMOUTH SHUT, LAUGH ON THE WRONG SIDE OF ONE’S MOUTH, LEAVE A BAD TASTEIN ONE’S MOUTH, LIVE FROM HAND ... Читать далее...
  12. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
  13. Life as a thingLife is so interesting thing…. when i was 3 years i always ask her play game with me. i was so small and also i was sweat. Now i am 13 years old, i really grow up.. at the moment i am studying chinese in China. I have a dream be with my mother very ... Читать далее...
  14. Tarzania IIWhat is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? «Look! A herd of plums in the distance» (Jane is colorblind)...
  15. Buffalo analogyA herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps ... Читать далее...
  16. Married life is very frustratingMarried life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen....
  17. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation centerA man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: «What are you doing here today?» Woman: «Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.» Man: «Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.» The woman looked thoughtful for ... Читать далее...
  18. Fun fun fun worry worry worryA teacher said to her little student Suzy, «Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry.» Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, «Let’s see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!»...
  19. A man is driving down the road for a long period of timeA man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,»Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. ... Читать далее...
  20. Life is cruelWhat women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful ... Читать далее...
  21. Iraqi TV GuideMONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal TUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right 9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things 9:30 Iraq’s Funniest Public Execution Bloopers WEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: ... Читать далее...
  22. The guide to wife translationsThe wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It’s your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You’ll pay for this later The wife says: We need ... Читать далее...
  23. Standardized Guide to the BasesDo you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do you remember talking about ‘the bases’ with your friends? «Yeah man, at the dance, X and Y went behind the gym and they got to second base!» Well that was cool and all, but what the hell was second base? Tongue kissing? Up the shirt? ... Читать далее...
  24. A guide to Walking TigersTigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What ... Читать далее...
  25. Перевод сленгового выражения take a dump / take a crap / take a poop / take a shit / take a squat, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: take a dump / take a crap / take a poop / take a shit / take a squat Сленговое выражение: take a dump / take a crap / take a poop / take a shit / take a squat груб. Перевод: сходить в туалет по большому Пример: Come on, find a rest ... Читать далее...
  26. Перевод слова mouthMouth — рот; декламировать Перевод слова Straight from the horse’s mouth — из первых рук to mure up one’s mouth — заткнуть чей-л. рот to mouth empty threats — изрекать пустые угрозы to mouth it — ораторствовать They Mouthed the usual platitudes. Они с важным видом изрекали обычные банальности. Stop shoveling food into your Mouth. ... Читать далее...
  27. Instrument Flying guide for Animal LoversHaving detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, easily cleaned cabins. Known as the «Cat and Duck Method» of instrument flight, it has received much publicity and is considered to have a ... Читать далее...
  28. A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American FartsLearning — or better still, thinking up — names for fart types is a traditional early-adolescent ritual. Similarly, methods of identifying the source of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being «Who smelled it, dealt it,» or «The smeller’s the feller.» Occasionally, this oral tradition has ... Читать далее...
  29. The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s LifeThe Seven Most Important Men in a Woman’s Life The Doctor — who tells her to «take off all her clothes.» The Dentist — who tells her to «open wide.» The Milkman — who asks her «do you want it in the front or the back?» The Hairdresser — who asks her «do you want ... Читать далее...
  30. Значение идиомы beat one’s gums[beat one’s gums] {v. phr.}, {slang} To engage in idle talk, or meaningless chatter; generally to talk too much. «Stop beating your gums, Jack,» Joe cried. «I am falling asleep.» Compare: CHEW THE FAT or CHEW THE RAG, SHOOT THE BREEZE or BAT THE BREEZE or FAN THE BREEZE or SHOOT THE BULL....
  31. Blind man and guide dog kicked off plane; passengers follow in supportUsually airline passengers side with flight attendants when it comes to safety, but in the case of a US Airways flight Wednesday night, passengers rallied around a blind man and his guide dog and disembarked en masse. All 35 passengers on US Airways Flight 4384 walked off the plane after Albert Rizzi, a blind man ... Читать далее...
  32. A woman visits her physicianA woman visits her physician. After waiting for a while it’s finally her turn. She enters the doctors’ office and sits down. The PhD asks her: «Well, what can I do for you madam?». The patient blushes and the PhD sees that apparently she is embarrassed so he says: «You can discuss any matter with ... Читать далее...
  33. Crying about lifeOld Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. «Well,» says the old fellow, «I just got married to a twenty-five year old woman. Every morning she makes me a wonderful breakfast, and we have then ... Читать далее...
  34. Значение идиомы judgment seat[judgment seat] {n.} A place where you are judged; a place wherejustice and punishment are given out. Mrs. Smith is so bossy, shealways acts as though she is in the judgment seat....
  35. Значение идиомы loud mouth[loud mouth] or [big mouth] {n.}, {slang} A noisy, boastful, orfoolish talker. Fritz is a loud mouth who cannot be trusted withsecrets. When he has had a few drinks, Joe will make empty boastslike any other big mouth....
  36. Conversation over dinnerConversation over dinner: WOMAN: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not — don’t you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn’t you remarry? MAN: Okay, I’d get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) ... Читать далее...
  37. How To Give Your Cat a Pill1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, «That’s a nice kitty.» Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold ... Читать далее...
  38. A degree at Life UniversityA new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That’s right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program ... Читать далее...
  39. A clever court caseOne evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them. One of the men turned to the other and said, «I’d give 50 bucks to spend the night with her.» To their surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning ... Читать далее...
  40. Перевод слова guideGuide — гид, экскурсовод; справочник; направлять, руководить Перевод слова Museum guide — музейный гид, экскурсовод to guide the state — руководить государством to guide the steps of smb. — направлять чьи-л. шаги postal guide — почтовый справочник The feelings are dangerous Guides. Чувства — опасные советчики. The stars will Guide us back. На обратном пути ... Читать далее...

Texan’s guide to life