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1. Little Johnny walks into his primary schoolLittle Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher «Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?» Johnny «I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.» Teacher, «Was he burned very bad?» Johnny, «Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
2. Little Johnny comes home from schoolLittle Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that «Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,» and would his mother,»please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.» So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, ... Читать далее...
3. Little Johnny was late for schoolLittle Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, «Why are you late little Johnny?» Johnny replied, «My grandpa got burnt, Miss.» The teacher replied, «I hope it wasn’t too bad.» Then little Johnny said, «Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!»...
4. School Education in the USAThe federal government pays little attention to school education in the USA. There is neither a uniform school system in the USA, nor a uniform curriculum. Each state has its own system of schools. But there are some common features in the organization of school education in the country. Schools in the USA can be ... Читать далее...
5. The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, andThe teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father «Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now ... Читать далее...
6. A lesson in ebonicsA sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, «Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.» The teacher says, «No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?» Another little boy stands up and says, «Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.» Again the teacher says, «No, that’s wrong.» The teacher asks, ... Читать далее...
7. Bush fans v. Kerry fansThere’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy — Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to ... Читать далее...
8. A little boy was excited about his first day at schoolA little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked ... Читать далее...
9. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmateAt school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, «I know the whole truth.» Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by ... Читать далее...
10. Johnny missed his final exam due to the fluJohnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First ... Читать далее...
11. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a gameThe Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: «The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.» Timmy: » I know what it is, it’s an apple.» Teacher: «That’s right, I like the way ... Читать далее...
12. American schools — Американские школыThe American system of school education differs from the system in some countries. There are state-supported public schools, private elementary schools, and private secondary schools. Public schools are free and private schools are fee-paying. Each individual state has its own system of public schools. Elementary education begins at the age of six with the first ... Читать далее...
13. Little Johnny tried out for the school playLittle Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: «Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.» Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. ... Читать далее...
14. Education in the USA (2)Education in the United States of America is compulsory for children from the age of 6 till 16 (or 18). It involves 12 years of schooling. A school year starts at the end of August or at the beginning of September and ends in late June or early July. The whole school year is divided ... Читать далее...
15. American and British schools — Американские и Британские школыIn America, all children from six to sixteen go to school. They spend six years in «elementary» school, and four or six years in «secondary» or «high» school. School education is free. At the end of every school year, the children take a test. If a child does well, he goes into next class («grade»). ... Читать далее...
16. Учитель начальных классов/ Elementary School TeacherНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Elementary School Teacher Учитель начальных классов From the very childhood I dreamt of becoming a teacher. In my opinion, it’s one of the best professions in the world and it certainly would be a perfect occupation for me. First of all, I love children very much, especially of ... Читать далее...
17. In the Sex Ed class the teacher saysIn the Sex Ed class the teacher says, «All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex.» The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, «Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?» Johnny ... Читать далее...
18. Everything we needA young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, «oh miss, oh ... Читать далее...
19. Education in CanadaThe school system of Canada is very much like the one in the USA, but there are certain differences. Education in Canada is general and compulsory for children from 6 to 16 years old, and in some provinces — to 14. It is within the competence of the local authorities, and therefore it may differ ... Читать далее...
20. Значение идиомы stuff and nonsense[stuff and nonsense] {n.} Foolish or empty writing or talk;nonsense. Fred told a long story about his adventures in Africa, but it was all stuff and nonsense. Often used as an interjection. When Jane said she was too sick to go to school, her mother answered,»Stuff and nonsense! I know there’s a test today.»...
21. A little boy did not go to school one dayA little boy did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said «Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull». «How disgusting» said the teacher «I am sure your father could have done that» «No ma’m, he couldn’t have» said ... Читать далее...
22. Little Johnny was in class againLittle Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone «Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?» Meg puts up her hand.»The sky is definitely blue.» «Thats not bad, Meg,» says the teacher, «but the sky can be grey or red.» Young Sally tried :»The grass is definitely green.» «Good try ... Читать далее...
23. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noisesLate one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked ... Читать далее...
24. Little Johny being literalTeacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: «My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.» Little Jack says: «My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.» All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. ... Читать далее...
25. Little Johnny’s mother decided to giveLittle Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, «Johnny. This is where you come from.» Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as «Lucky Johnny.» ... Читать далее...
26. A group of third, fourth and fifth gradersA group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry. During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with ... Читать далее...
27. One day a teacher was teaching religionOne day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class «What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?» Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. «I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of ... Читать далее...
28. Where is the French border?«Why do you look so glum today?», the teacher asked young Johnny. «I didn’t have no breakfast,» Johnny mumbled. «You poor dear,» said the teacher. «Now, to return to our geography lesson, Johnny, where is the French border?» «In bed with my mom. That’s why I didn’t have no breakfast.»...
29. A boy comes home from school and tells his motherA boy comes home from school and tells his mother that he got a part in the school play. «What part?» the mother asked. «I play a Jewish husband,» the boy replied. «Go back to school and tell your teacher that you want a speaking role!»...
30. Перевод слова nonsenseNonsense — абсурд, глупости, чушь Перевод слова Nonsense! — вздор!, пустяки! to talk nonsense — говорить чепуху, городить вздор to cut the nonsense — пресекать вздор Her plan is rank Nonsense. Ее план — полная чушь. Stow that Nonsense! Брось эти глупости! You’re to stop that Nonsense, do you hear me? Прекрати нести эту чушь, ... Читать далее...
31. Beautiful — in a sentenceThe teacher says, «Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is «beautiful». Little Sally, would you please come up here and use «beautiful» in a sentence?» Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for ... Читать далее...
32. Do the mathThe math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, «Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?» Little Johnny quickly replied, «NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!»...
33. Animal stutteringLittle Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny’s hand shoots up. «Not correct, Miss!» he says. «Please explain, Johnny,» replies the teacher. «Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with ... Читать далее...
34. 4chan wants Taylor Swift to perform at a school for the deafFor the second time in the last two weeks, users of the 4chan imageboard have gamed a public online vote for the lulz. Only this time, their online vote hijacking of the 2012 Taylor Swift on Campus Live Promotion may turn out to be a very good thing. As part of its back to school ... Читать далее...
35. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asksLittle Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. «Nah,» says Johnny, «what else do ... Читать далее...
36. Начальная школа/ Elementary SchoolНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык Elementary School Начальная школа As we know, elementary school is a valuable part of school education. It’s the time when all the basics of calculation, reading, drawing, constructing, writing, creating are given to a child. After the elementary level he or she can decide how to use these ... Читать далее...
37. While attending a spelling session in school one dayWhile attending a spelling session in school one day, The teacher asked if anyone could spell the word DUMB? Darla raises her hand and says «I can, I can» The teacher replies, «OK, go ahead Darla…» Darla replies…»D-U-M-B» The teacher replies, «very good», and «can you use that word in a sentence?» Darla replies, «Sure, ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова elementaryElementary — элементарный, простой, начальный Перевод слова Elementary colours — основные цвета this is elementary — это элементарно elementary school — начальная школа You’ve made a very Elementary mistake. Вы сделали элементарную ошибку. The town is raising money for the Elementary school. Города ведет сбор средств для начальной школы. Very few could pass even the ... Читать далее...
39. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one dayLittle Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. «If I gave you $20,» the teacher began,» and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?» «An orgy,» Johnny answered....
40. The School I would Like — Школа, которая бы мне понравиласьThe school I would like would have a swimming pool. I’d have one for the first and second years and also for the third and fourth years. The playgrounds would be separate, one for the young children and the other for the senior forms. A wall would be separating them and there would be a ... Читать далее...