Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses

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1. Once some boys got together to play pokerOnce some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack. All his friends didn’t know how ... Читать далее...
2. A regular Friday night poker gameA regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. «Roger, listen,» he told the host, «Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife.» «OK, that’s it, guys,» Roger said. «This is positively the last deal.»...
3. Mister Smith rushes into the maternity wardMister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, «What’s wrong? What’s the emergency?» «Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have some terrible news for you. It’s disfigured.» «Well, how bad is it? Can I see?» «Follow me, sir.» They head down a restricted corridor and come to the first door. Inside, in ... Читать далее...
4. Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy HospitalMr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. «Mr. Smith, you’re going to be just fine,» said the nun, gently patting ... Читать далее...
5. An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing homeAn old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the nurses’ office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him. «It did? I’m sorry to hear that,» she replied. Two days later, Mr. ... Читать далее...
6. Playing tablaOnce a couple were on vacation. The husband was lying on the beach facing downwards on his stomach & the wife was patting him on his butt. He happened to ask her what she was doing, she said «I’m playing the Tabla» He turned around & told her «Alright now you can start playing the ... Читать далее...
7. Four married guys go golfingFour married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: «You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.» Second Guy: «That’s nothing, ... Читать далее...
8. Three guys are discussing womenThree guys are discussing women. «I like to watch a woman’s tits best,» the first guy says. The second says «I like to look at a woman’s ass.» He asks the third guy «What about you?». «Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.»...
9. Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they wereThree guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks. 2nd guy: Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and ... Читать далее...
10. Here’s How Much Walmart Loses Every Year to TheftWalmart is fighting back against «unknown shrinkage». When you’re a company as big as Walmart, everything about you is huge, even your losses from shoplifting. The retailing giant says that it loses about $3 billion every year from theft, or 1% of its $300 billion in revenue, Reuters reports. Leading the effort to fight back ... Читать далее...
11. A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coatA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA,» he snorted, «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. «There! I ... Читать далее...
12. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
13. These two guys are car pooling home from work one dayThese two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. «Look», he shouts «What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?» The ... Читать далее...
14. Two guys were discussing popular family trendsTwo guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, «I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?» Leroy replied, «I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?»...
15. Hair on my chestA woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their 25th anniversary. «HA!» he snorted. «The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest!» On that she hikes up her skirt, drops her panties, and thrust her pubic area forward, «There! I ... Читать далее...
16. A husband and wife were out playing golfA husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in ... Читать далее...
17. Three guys are in a plane, lost in fogThree guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don’t know where they are. The first guy says «I’ll find out» and puts his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says «We’re just over Paris» «How do you know» ask the others «Well I’ve just felt the top of ... Читать далее...
18. Three guys were sitting in a bar talkingThree guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; «You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedez. I figure that if she doesn’t like the ... Читать далее...
19. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, oneThree guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He ... Читать далее...
20. Man and wife at the zooIt’s a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She’s wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless w/straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on w/one ... Читать далее...
21. Two guys were out hunting, but they weren’tTwo guys were out hunting, but they weren’t getting any ducks. «What do you think the problem is?» one man asked his companion. «I dunno,» came the reply, «Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog up high enough.»...
22. Two guys are out hunting deerTwo guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, «Did you see that?» The second guy says, «No.» «A bald eagle just flew over head.» «Oh.» A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, «Did you see that?» «No.» «There was a black bear walking on that hill over there.» «Oh.» A few ... Читать далее...
23. Some people are sitting in a barSome people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, «My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG.» Another guy says, «What’s that?» The first guy says, «That means I am a Single, New Age Guy.» Another one says, «My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, «What’s that?» ... Читать далее...
24. Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expeditionTwo Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital. «Well, Doc,» he inquired anxiously, «is he going to make it?» «It’s tough,» said the doctor. «He’d ... Читать далее...
25. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
26. Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got ... Читать далее...
27. A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadowA horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. So he drives the farmer’s ... Читать далее...
28. Dating Nice Guys and Bad BoysJack: I’ve had it. I’m going to start Treating women like dirt. I’d get more dates. Alison: What brought this on? Jack: I Got dumped again by a woman who thinks I’m too nice – too nice! She says she wants to be with someone who’s more Assertive and Unpredictable. She didn’t say it In ... Читать далее...
29. At a CasinoHanna: Where have you been? I’ve been trying to find you. I just won $80 from this Slot machine. It’s not the Jackpot, but now I’ve Broken even. Tad: That’s really great. Maybe some of your luck will Rub off on me. I’m just about to see what the High rollers are doing. Do you ... Читать далее...
30. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming weddingTwo Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… «I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.» His buddy replies, «Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, ... Читать далее...
31. There was three guys, one with a rubberThere was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with ... Читать далее...
32. Golf lessonsA husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, «No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!» «Well, what should I do?» asks ... Читать далее...
33. Little Johnny sat playing in the gardenLittle Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. «No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!» Trying to convince him further, «Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.» «No, she ... Читать далее...
34. Two guys go huntingTwo guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe ... Читать далее...
35. Controlling your spouseThere were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, «Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your ... Читать далее...
36. A man was playing a game of golfA man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says «thank ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы keep one’s hand in[keep one’s hand in] {v. phr.} To keep in practice; continue totake part. After he retired from teaching, Mr. Brown kept his handin by giving a lecture once in a while. Mr. Smith left theplanning of the trip to his wife, but he kept his hand in, too. Compare: KEEP UP....
38. Charlie was playing with his little brother MickeyCharlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman. «Sure you can, Mickey,» Charlie said, «Just flap your arms really *really* hard.» So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below. Horrified, their mother ... Читать далее...
39. A helping handHarry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker. She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, «Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around ... Читать далее...
40. So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nailsSo there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails ... Читать далее...