Short Irish Jokes

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1. Irish Pub JokesMurphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, «Where are we now?» The guide said, «We’re in the great state of Texas.» «It’s a big place,» said Murphy. The ... Читать далее...
2. Short reindeer jokesWhat do reindeer say before telling you a joke? This one will sleigh you! Why is a reindeer like a gossip? Because they are both tail bearers! Why do reindeer wear fur coats? Because they would look silly in plastic macs! How do you make a slow reindeer fast? Don’t feed it! Why did the ... Читать далее...
3. Funny Jokes about the IrishThe Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. «Name?» «Brendan O’Connor.» «Same as mine. Where are you from?» «County Cork.» «Same as me……» The policeman paused with his pen in the air. «Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the ... Читать далее...
4. Irish marriage jokesPaddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, «If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.» This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said ... Читать далее...
5. Clean Jokes about the IrishMurphy said to his daughter, «I want you home by eleven o’clock.» She said, «But Father, I’m no longer a child!» He said, «I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.» MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on ... Читать далее...
6. Jokes about the Stupid IrishA man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, «Fill it up, will you?». The man says «Sorry — we’re right out of petrol.» So the man considers, and ... Читать далее...
7. Amusing Jokes about the IrishMrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a ... Читать далее...
8. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
9. The Irish MusicТопик Ирландская музыка расскажет о красивой ирландской музыке. Народ Ирландии очень музыкален, любит петь, танцевать и сочинять музыку. Арфа – один из самых любимых музыкальных инструментов, а самым знаменитым арфистом в 17-ом веке был слепой музыкант О’Каролан. Первые ноктюрны были написаны также ирландцем – Джоном Филдом, учеником Клементи. Все знают творчество ирландской рок-группы U2. Многие ... Читать далее...
10. The Irish VirusAn actual mailing: Greetings, You have just received the «IRISH VIRUS». As we don’t have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation....
11. Значение идиомы waiting list[waiting list] {n.} A list of persons waiting to get into something. The nursery school enrollment was complete, so thedirector put our child’s name on the waiting list. The landlordsaid there were no vacant apartments available, but that he would putthe Rogers’ name on the waiting list....
12. Short gender jokesA man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова clinicClinic — поликлиника, лечебница Перевод слова Diabetic clinic — клиника для больных диабетом fracture clinic — травмопункт dental clinic — стоматологическая клиника He was detoxified in the Clinic. Он проходил детоксикацию в клинике. The Clinic rehabilitates drug addicts. Клиника осуществляет реабилитацию наркоманов. The Clinic provides free care for indigent patients. Клиника предоставляет бесплатную помощь для ... Читать далее...
14. Irish religion jokesBoyle sat in a Belfast confessional. «Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,» he said. «I’ve blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!» «All right, my son,» admonished the priest. «For penance, finish off the stations!» Father Murphy met Casey in the street and Casey admired his new umbrella. Father Murphy said, «Thank you, ... Читать далее...
15. Jokes about the Fighting IrishGallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. «Did you see the paper?» asked Gallagher. «They say I died!!» «Yes, I saw it!» replied Finney. «Where are you callin’ from?» It was general question time on the «Top ... Читать далее...
16. Значение идиомы hit parade[hit parade] {n.} 1. A list of songs or tunes arranged in order ofpopularity. Tom was overjoyed when his new song was named on thehit parade on the local radio station. 2. {slang} A list of favoritesin order of popularity. Jack is no longer number one on Elsie’s hitparade....
17. New York JokesNew York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney… — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
18. Clean St. Patrick’s Day JokesAn Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, «Oy vey! What a wreck!» The priest asks him, «Are you all right, Rabbi?» The Rabbi responds, «Just a little shaken.» The priest pulls a ... Читать далее...
19. Jokes About The Irishmen«Hey,» said a new arrival in the pub, «I’ve got some great Irish jokes.» «Before you start,» said the big bloke in the corner, «, I’m Irish.» «Don’t worry,» said the newcomer, «I’ll tell them slowly.» Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова paradeParade — парад, выставление напоказ Перевод слова To make a parade of one’s accomplishments — щеголять своими достоинствами to parade the streets — шествовать по улицам parade ground — площадка для парадов The festivities will commence with a Parade. Торжества начнутся с парада. Morning parade was in progress on the Parade ground. На плацу было ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы short list[short list] or [short-listed] {v. phr.} To place on the list ofselect finalists for a job. Only three of the twenty-sevenapplicants were short-listed for the assistant professorial vacancy inour department....
22. Visit the barberA man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment — shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. — he placed the boy in the chair. «I’m goin’ to buy a green tie to wear for the parade,» he said. «I’ll be back in a few minutes.» When the boy’s ... Читать далее...
23. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his nameAn Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked «Can i help you sir?» Our man said «Yes, I would like to change my name.» «What is your current name?» asked the clerk. «Martin Arsehole,» replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said «I ... Читать далее...
24. Irish and AmericaThe American connection is based on such enormous numbers of Irish men and women making their way to the New World for so many different reasons that nobody is quite sure of the actual numbers involved. It is estimated that in the period between 1717 and 1775 something like a quarter of a million Ulstermen ... Читать далее...
25. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharingAn Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying «I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, «I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd ... Читать далее...
26. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confessionThere once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, «Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.» The priest said, «Confess your sins and be forgiven.» The young woman said, «Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.» The priest thought long and hard ... Читать далее...
27. Three Irish women were discussing their respective matesCould this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. «I call my man ‘Eight,’ » said the first woman, «Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.» The second woman said in response, «I call my ... Читать далее...
28. Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with theirTwo Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, «Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.» The Father said, «Tell me who ... Читать далее...
29. Russia JokesWhat’s meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? It’s when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the party’s. — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
30. Funny Humor about the IrishThis is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of ... Читать далее...
31. Irish LaughsCasey married a rich widow, but they didn’t get along. One day she said to him, «If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.» Casey mumbled, «If it ... Читать далее...
32. Clinton at the paradeThe May Day parade in Moscow is the largest, most important military parade of the year. For 1992’s parade, Yeltsin and Gorbachev invited Bill Clinton to come watch it with them. The parade commenced with a battalion of tanks, followed by a division of infantry, followed by armored personnel carriers and mobile artillery. They had ... Читать далее...
33. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
34. Значение идиомы on the rocks[on the rocks] {adj. phr.} 1. {informal} Wrecked or ruined. Mr. Jones’ business and marriage were both on the rocks. 2. With iceonly. At the restaurant, Sally ordered orange juice on the rocks....
35. Leprechaun JokesThree guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. «I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total», says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, «I am a fisherman, my Dad’s ... Читать далее...
36. Clean Jokes about IrelandAn American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight — an old gallows. The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. «You see that, I reckon,» said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. «And now where would you be ... Читать далее...
37. Humor about the IrishAn Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, ... Читать далее...
38. Jokes about St. Patricks Day 2McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. «S’cuse me,» said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. «What was that all ... Читать далее...
39. Chicago JokesA man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there. When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary ... Читать далее...
40. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to townWhen this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when ... Читать далее...