Sending out many cards

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1. A guy walks into a post officeA guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing «Love» stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes ... Читать далее...
2. Over the counterA middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, «Do you sell Viagra here?» The pharmacist answers ... Читать далее...
3. At the Post-OfficeВ топике На почте рассказывается, для каких целей существуют почтовые отделения. Вы узнаете, как нужно оформить посылку и как отправить письмо. If you want to buy stamps, postcards, envelopes, to send a telegram or money order, to subscribe to newspapers or magazines, you have to go to the post-office. At some post-offices there is a ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова post-officePost-office — почта, почтовое отделение Перевод слова Post office official — почтовый чиновник post-office receipt — почтовая квитанция post-office box — абонементный почтовый ящик post office coach — почтовый вагон date of a post-office stamp — дата почтового штемпеля It was an old Post-office where clerks candled the letters. Это была почта старого образца, где ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова middleMiddle — середина Перевод слова In the middle of — посреди, посередине middle-aged man — человек среднего возраста the middle orders — средние слои общества I’m in the Middle of writing a letter. Я как раз сейчас пишу письмо. He was standing in the Middle of the room. Он стоял посреди комнаты. You must steer ... Читать далее...
6. At the Post-Office — На почтеI like to go to the post-office because post is one of the things that link people living in different cities and coun­tries. There are some counters at the post-office. At one of them you can buy envelopes, stamps, post cards. You can write a letter right there and post it or you can write ... Читать далее...
7. Guy goes to hell and is met by the devilGuy goes to hell and is met by the devil, who explains that the punishments are changed every thousand years and he is to select his first punishment. First room has a young guy on the wall being whipped. The new guy not keen on this asks to see the next room. The next room ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова pinkPink — розовый Перевод слова Pink grapefruit — розовый грейпфрут bright pink — ярко-розовый цвет cameo pink — светло-розовый Pink’s a girlie colour! Розовый — девчачий цвет! A straw bonnet with Pink ribbons. Соломенная шляпка с розовыми лентами. A Pink flush overspread her face. Она залилась ярким румянцем....
9. Sending a 3,106 carat diamond by Parcel Post!The Cullinan Diamond is the largest rough diamond ever found — at 3,106.75 carats. It was found in South Africa in 1905 and had to be transported from South Africa to England to be presented to King Edward VII. Transporting such a valuable diamond was a huge security risk. So how did they do it? ... Читать далее...
10. Sending Business PackagesMaria: I need this Package to arrive in Tulsa by next Wednesday. Sam: Sure, I’ll send it UPS or FedEx using their Ground service. It’ll be cheaper than sending it using their Overnight service and we can still Track it. Is it going to a business? Maria: Yes, it is. Sam: Okay, I’ll Mark that ... Читать далее...
11. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
12. Three couples wanted to join a churchThree couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor says, «We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.» The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor goes to the ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова agedAged — пожилой, старый, престарелый Перевод слова Middle-aged man — человек среднего возраста aged population — престарелые a boy aged fifteen — мальчик пятнадцати лет A woman Aged 50 has given birth to twins. Женщина в возрасте 50 лет родила двойню. His hair whitened as he Aged. Его волосы побелели, как он постарел. There is ... Читать далее...
14. Counting carsA blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway. The brunette keeps saying, «88, 88, 88…» The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past. «What are you doing?» «I’m counting cars,»comes the rely. «Want to help?» «Sure!» says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the ... Читать далее...
15. Six guys were playing poker when Smith losesSix guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, «Now, who is going to tell the wife?» They draw straws. Rippington, who ... Читать далее...
16. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
17. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugsA woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and ... Читать далее...
18. Значение идиомы in the pink[in the pink] or [in the pink of condition] {adj. phr.}, {informal}In excellent health; strong and well; in fine shape. Mr. Merrickhad aged well; he was one of those old men who always seem in the pinkof condition. After a practice and a rubdown, Joe felt in thepink....
19. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum withLittle Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks «What’s that mum? » His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, «That’s where your dad accidentially hit me ... Читать далее...
20. Bank TellerBank Teller A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, «I want to open a fucking checking account». «Please sir», she replies, «we can’t have language like that in here.» «Why the Fuck not?» he asked. «Sir,» Came her retort, «I must ask you to refrain from swearing.» «I ... Читать далее...
21. Going to the Post OfficeFor me, things never Go very Smoothly at my local post office. I’ve learned that if you want To mail a letter, you’ll have no problems. But if things get more complicated than that, well, Watch out! Yesterday I went there to mail a small package and to pick up a Book of stamps. I ... Читать далее...
22. From UsThe teacher walks in and finds an apple on her desk with the letters «ILU» written on it. The teacher asks who left it. A little white girl raises her hand. Well sweetie, what does «ILU» mean? The little girl replies, «I love you.» The teacher says, «Isn’t that sweet,» and continues with class. The ... Читать далее...
23. A man walks into a doctor officeA man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. «What’s the matter with me?» he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, «You’re not eating properly.»...
24. What is your nameWalking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he muses. «How in hell does that fit in here?» So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind ... Читать далее...
25. A priest is walking down the street one day whenA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer ... Читать далее...
26. A woman walks into her accountant’s office andA woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes. The accountant says, «Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.» He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, «What is your occupation?» The woman replies, «I’m a whore.» The accountant balks ... Читать далее...
27. A guy was driving down the road in his YugoA guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, «Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?» The ... Читать далее...
28. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
29. Перевод слова counterCounter — конторка, прилавок; счетчик Перевод слова To clear counter — сбрасывать счетчик counter counts up — счетчик работает на сложение check-out counter — контрольно-кассовый пункт A shopman was at the Counter. За прилавком стоял продавец. Goods are sold and money paid over the Counter. Товары продаются и оплачиваются у прилавка. «Good morning,» said the ... Читать далее...
30. Bet made at the local barA man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty except for this guy ... Читать далее...
31. Welfare officeA young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, «Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The man behind the counter replied, «Your timing is amazing. We’ve just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his ... Читать далее...
32. Three envelopesA fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. «Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,» he said. Well, things went along pretty ... Читать далее...
33. Edward walks out of a barEdward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. «Can I help you, fella?», asks the cop. «Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!» Edward replies. The cop asks, «Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?». «It ... Читать далее...
34. A duck in the shopA duck walks into a shop and asks the manager: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegetables? -No. We have only dry goods. The next day the duck returns: -Got any fresh fruit? -No. -Got any fresh vegatables? -No. I told you yesterday, we have only dry goods. If you come back tomorrow ... Читать далее...
35. Try to explain womenA man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. «Sure,» GOD says, «Go right ahead». «OK,» the man says. «Why did you make women so pretty?» GOD says, «So you would like them.» «OK,» the guy says. «But how come you ... Читать далее...
36. A duck walks into a general storeA duck walks into a general store and asks the manager,»Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. We have only canned and dry goods.» The next day, the duck returns. «Got any fresh fruit?» «No.» «Got any fresh vegetables?» «No. I told you yesterday, we have only canned and dry goods. If ... Читать далее...
37. Women’s instructionsWOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man — unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова brightBright — яркий, блестящий, ясный; умный Перевод слова Bright day — светлый день bright red — ярко-красный bright reply — блестящий ответ I never wear Bright colours. Я никогда не носил яркие цвета. The lighting was too Bright. Освещение было слишком ярким. He’s a Bright specimen! Он большой оригинал!...
39. PrescriptionThis woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks «What for?» She says «I want to kill my husband». He says «Sorry, I can’t do that.» She then reaches inter her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife and hands it ... Читать далее...
40. A woman walks into a tattoo parlourA woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks ‘Do you do custom work?’ ‘Why of course!’ ‘Good. I’d like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.’ ‘No problem,’ says the artist. ‘Strip from the waist down ... Читать далее...