Santa vs. system admins

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1. Backward Santa As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”...
2. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
3. Santa’s Pet Peeves Department Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that’s fruitcake on your breath, not gin 7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it 6. Even with the costume, people recognizing you from “Crime Watch” 5. Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids […]...
4. Is There a Santa Claus? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) – I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, […]...
5. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
6. Politically Correct Santa ‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”, “Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, […]...
7. A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and […]...
8. An Australian Christmas Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his […]...
9. Пословица / поговорка he who laughs last, laughs longest / he laughs best who laughs last – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: he who laughs last, laughs longest / he laughs best who laughs last Перевод: хорошо смеется тот, кто смеется последним Пример: Everybody thought that the boy would not get the job because he was too young. However, he who laughs last laughs longest and in fact he got the job easily. Все […]...
10. Barbie and G. I. Joe A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?” The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.” Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I […]...
11. Значение идиомы he laughs best who laughs last [he laughs best who laughs last] A person should go ahead with whathe is doing and not worry when others laugh at him. When he succeedshe will enjoy laughing at them for being wrong more than they enjoyedlaughing at him. – A proverb. Everyone laughed at Mary when she waslearning to ski. She kept falling […]...
12. Santas Diversion Santas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.” Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to […]...
13. Письмо Деду Морозу/ A Letter To Santa Claus На английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Letter To Santa Claus Письмо Деду Морозу Dear Santa Claus, I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Irina and I’m 10 years old. I live in Bijsk. It’s a nice town in Altai Krai of Russia. My nickname is “Sunshine”. My […]...
14. The Christmas Feast and Santa Claus – Рождественский банкет и Санта-Клаус Christmas takes place on December 25. There are some traditions connected with it. One of them is to give presents to each other. It is not only children and members of family who give presents to each other. It’s a tradition to give Christmas presents to the people you work with, to give presents to […]...
15. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
16. New FAA inspections With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and […]...
17. On Christmas morning a cop on horseback On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to […]...
18. Значение идиомы best [best] See: AS BEST ONE CAN, AT BEST, FOR THE BEST, GET THE BETTER OF or GET THE BEST OF, HAD BETTER or HAD BEST, HE LAUGHS BEST WHO LAUGHS LAST, MAKE THE BEST OF, PUT ONE’S BEST FOOT FORWARD, SECOND BEST, TO THE BEST OF ONE’S KNOWLEDGE, WITH THE BEST or WITH THE BEST […]...
19. Значение идиомы for laughs [for laughs] {adv. phr.} For pleasure; for fun; as a joke. Thecollege boys climbed up into the girls’ dorms and stole some of theirdresses just for laughs, but they were punished all the same....
20. Your father is drunk To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I’m tellin’ you why, Daddy’s home and I think he’s drunk. He’s walkin’ real slow, he slurs when he speaks, I don’t even think he’s shaved in two weeks, Daddy’s home and […]...
21. A kind of sport A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What the hell was that?” He replies, “Touchdown, I am […]...
22. Значение идиомы last [last] See: AT LAST, EVERY LAST MAN, EVERY SINGLE or EVERY LAST, FIRST AND LAST, HE LAUGHS BEST WHO LAUGHS LAST, HAVE THE LAST LAUGH, ON ONE’S LAST LEGS, TILL THE LAST GUN IS FIRED or UNTIL THE LAST GUNIS FIRED....
23. Irishman declares war Saddam Hussein is sitting at home when the phone rings. He picks it up and says “Hello”. The voice at the end of the phone says “Hello Mr. Hussein, it’s Paddy here. I’m just ringing to let you know that we’ve declared war on your country.” SH smiles to himself, “Come on Paddy”, he says, […]...
24. Short Christmas jokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter “D” ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he […]...
25. Перевод слова answer Answer – отвечать, откликаться; ответ Перевод слова To give an answer – отвечать the answer to 3 17 is 51 – 3×17 равно 51 definite answer – ясный и точный ответ double answer – двусмысленный ответ He gave a coy Answer. Он дал уклончивый ответ. Who knows the Answer? Кто знает ответ? I will Answer […]...
26. Lost in a balloon Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the […]...
27. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The […]...
28. Значение идиомы actions speak louder than words [actions speak louder than words] What you do shows your character better and is more important than what you say. – A proverb. John promised to help me, but he didn’t. Actions speak louder than words. Joe is very quiet, but actions speak louder than words. He is the best player on the team....
29. Employee Performance Review Don: So how did your End-of-the-year review go? Becky: Oh, it was okay. I had my meeting with Mitch this morning and his Bottom line is that he thinks I need to Show more Initiative. He thinks that I need to start being more Creative. Don: Did he actually say that? Becky: Well, Not in […]...
30. Dealing with a Mass Transit Strike Marge: Where have you been? You should have been home over two hours ago! Homer: I’ve been trying to get home. Haven’t you been watching the news? The transportation workers union has voted To strike. There was a Mass walkout at 4:30 p. m. today. Marge: You’re kidding! I didn’t know anything about it. They […]...
31. Our bright childhood 10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay. “Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?” says mom. Timmy replies, “Because his dick tasted like shit!”...
32. Sex on Sabbath A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, “My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex […]...
33. Перевод идиомы the powers that be, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: the powers that be Перевод: люди, которые находятся во власти Пример: The powers that be have decided that the summer festival will not be held this year. Люди во власти решили, что в этом году летний фестиваль устраиваться не будет....
34. A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the Bible, the priest says, ” My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that […]...
35. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
36. Working from a Home Office Adrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people […]...
37. Subjects for a date A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.” The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. […]...
38. The little boy comes home from school and asks mom The little boy comes home from school and asks mom, “Where do babies come from?” Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, “From the stork of course!” The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, “But mom, who fucks the stork?”...
39. Значение идиомы can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs [can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs] To achieve a certain goal one must sometimes incur damage, experience difficulties, or make sacrifices. – A proverb. When we drove across the country, we put a lot of mileage on our car and had a flat tire, but it was a pleasant trip. “Well, you can’t make […]...
40. College Dorm On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the […]...