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1. A young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farmA young boy was visiting his grandfather’s farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees his grandfather playing with himself. The boy says, «What are you doing grandpa, jacking off?» Grandpa replies, «No sonny, just jacking!»...
2. Fortunate ingenuityA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, «Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.» The grandfather replies, «I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to ... Читать далее...
3. Safe to appearDon was looking for a little «action.» He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times, she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time, Don told her that he needed to slip ... Читать далее...
4. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sittingGrandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, «Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?» Grandpa looks at him and says «No Johnny, I will not.» «But Grandpa, why?» asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. «Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you ... Читать далее...
5. At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marryAt the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young girl could be dangerous, even fatal. Grandpa, not the slightest bit perturbed replied «Oh well, if she dies, I’ll just get myself another one.»...
6. A man says to his wifeA man says to his wife, «Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.» Wife says, «I dont want to go.» Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, «It tastes like sh*t. Man says, ... Читать далее...
7. A necessary conditionThere were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, «Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, «No, I don’t really want to make the sound of a frog now.» So, the second little boy comes out and ... Читать далее...
8. Using nails on a houseThese two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over ... Читать далее...
9. Safe to swim hereWhile sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,»Are there any gators around here?!» «Naw,» the man hollered back, «they ain’t been around for years!» «Feeling ... Читать далее...
10. Little girl walks into the bathroomA little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks «What’s that?» Her sister replies «That is my possum, sis!» The young girl replies «Oh, OK» The next day she sees her mother get out of the ... Читать далее...
11. A use for ViagraA man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. «How are you grandpa?» he asks. «Feeling fine,» says the old man. «What’s the food like?» «Terrific, wonderful menus.» «And the nursing?» «Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.» «What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?» «No problem at ... Читать далее...
12. A guy in a barThe bartender asks him «What’ll you have?». The guy answers, «A scotch, please». The bartender hands him the drink, and says «That’ll be five dollars», to which he replies «What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this». A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, «You ... Читать далее...
13. Changed my mind!This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch. He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, «I hope you don’t mind but ... Читать далее...
14. I don’t owe anything for this drinkThe bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, «What’ll you have?» The guy answers, «A scotch, please.» The bartender hands him the drink, and says «That’ll be five dollars,» to which the guy replies, «What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.» A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, ... Читать далее...
15. Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sittingGrandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa Rabinowitz rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, «Fuck you!» Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, «Fuck you too!» Grandpa becomes very much excited ... Читать далее...
16. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
17. A farmer comes home with a lively young bullA farmer comes home with a lively young bull. His two old bulls have fallen on sad days. He’s letting them hang around for old times’ sake. The minute the new bull is put into the pasture, he starts servicing the cows. At about the fourth cow, one of the old bulls starts to paw ... Читать далее...
18. Health in Developing CountriesSilvia: What are you watching? Hermann: I’m watching a show about the health problems in Developing countries. Silvia: Don’t we have enough Healthcare problems here, in this country? Hermann: We do, but there are countries that have a lot more Acute problems than we do. Silvia: Oh, those kids are so cute. Hermann: Yeah, but ... Читать далее...
19. Bying a horseThis guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend «I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse, I’m sending him over.» The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse. «A female horth,» the midget replies. So the ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод идиомы in fits and starts / by fits and starts, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: in fits and starts / by fits and starts Перевод: урывками, с паузами; нерегулярно, непостоянно Пример: Replies are arriving in fits and starts. Ответы прибывают с перерывами....
21. Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversationTwo men met at a bar and struck up a conversation. After a while one of them said, «You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation: A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. Lately, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter ... Читать далее...
22. Buying and Selling Family HeirloomsAnne: Where are you going with that? Ivan: I’m taking this clock to an Antique dealer. Rather than having it Gather dust on the Mantelpiece, I thought I’d get it Appraised and maybe sell it. Anne: You can’t sell that! It belonged to our grandfather. It’s a Family heirloom. Ivan: It’s not a family heirloom. ... Читать далее...
23. Buying and Selling Family HeirloomsAnne: Where are you going with that? Ivan: I’m taking this clock to an Antique dealer. Rather than having it Gather dust on the Mantelpiece, I thought I’d get it Appraised and maybe sell it. Anne: You can’t sell that! It belonged to our grandfather. It’s a Family heirloom. Ivan: It’s not a family heirloom. ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова grandfatherGrandfather — дедушка, предок, почтенный старик Перевод слова Grandfather rights — «дедовские» права; исконные права great grandfather — прадед grandfather file — предпоследняя версия файла My Grandfather had a weak heart. У моего деда было слабое сердце. Give my dear love to Grandfather. Передавай нежный привет дедушке. Grandfather won’t see out another month. Дедушка не ... Читать далее...
25. Generation Gap (2)One of the important problems of all times is a generation gap. Adult’s mentality is different from teenager’s. We are the children of two epochs with different views on various subjects. Because of this parents and children sometimes argue with each other. Some people believe that teenagers today are generally rude, lazy and ill-behaved. Other ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод идиомы Your secret is safe with me., значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: Your secret is safe with me. Перевод: я никому не расскажу твою тайну Пример: «Your secret is safe with me», I told my friend when he told me about his problems. «Я никому ничего не расскажу,» сказал я, когда мой друг рассказал мне о своих проблемах....
27. Перевод слова fishingFishing — рыбалка, рыболовный Перевод слова To go in for fishing — ходить на рыбалку fishing season — период рыбной ловли free fishing — право на свободную рыбную ловлю fishing tackle — рыболовная снасть We had good luck Fishing. У нас была удачная рыбалка. I like to go Fishing on weekends. Я люблю ходить на ... Читать далее...
28. Just cut your hair firstA young man comes home and says «Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.» Father replies, :»O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months ... Читать далее...
29. Youth ProblemsВ топике Проблемы молодежи рассматриваются проблемы подростков. Чаще всего преступления совершают дети из малообеспеченных и неблагополучных семей, и многие подростки, страдающие от наркотической или алкогольной зависимости, просто этого не понимают. Иногда подростки не справляются сами со своими проблемами, впадают в депрессию и кончают жизнь самоубийством. Общество должно проявить заботу и понимание подобных проблем подрастающего поколения. ... Читать далее...
30. Counting carsA blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway. The brunette keeps saying, «88, 88, 88…» The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past. «What are you doing?» «I’m counting cars,»comes the rely. «Want to help?» «Sure!» says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the ... Читать далее...
31. Business is businessA young Jewish boy starts attending public school in a small town. The teacher of the one-room school decides to use her position to try to influence the new student. She asks the class, «Who was the greatest man that ever lived?» A girl raises her hand and says, «I think George Washington was the ... Читать далее...
32. Elderly romanceThere’s an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, «For five dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I’ll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I’ll take you to my ... Читать далее...
33. You can come out nowJon was looking for a little «action». He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time Jon told her that he needed to slip ... Читать далее...
34. About Steve who wants to know about somethingsIn one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: «Dad, what is this?» His father nervously said: «Well Steve, it’s sausage». After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: «Mum, what is this?». His mum: «Well, it’s a cat». After ... Читать далее...
35. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...
36. A woman selling apples in New YorkA woman selling apples in New York is puzzled by a man who always comes by, pays a quarter, but never picks up an apple. This goes on for some time until, one day, the woman runs after the man as he walks away. ‘I know why you are chasing after me… you want to ... Читать далее...
37. Значение идиомы second childhood[second childhood] {n. phr.} Senility; dotage. «Grandpa is inhis second childhood; we must make allowances for him at the dinnertable,» my mother said, as Grandpa dropped food all over the place....
38. Need fishing licensesA couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush’s jumped the Game Warden!! Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden. After about a half mile the fella ... Читать далее...
39. Family sexTO MY DEAR WIFE, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The followingis a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too ... Читать далее...
40. A guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhereA guy driving a truck in the middle of nowhere picks up a hitch-hiker. It gets dark and the hitch-hiker falls asleep. Suddenly bang, and the hitch-hiker wakes up,»what the hell was that?». The truck driver replies, «some kinda animal, go back to sleep.» Further the same thing again, bang, «What the hell was that?», ... Читать далее...