Quotes from stupid 01

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1. Quotes from stupid 03These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. Newsreader, BBC Radio 4: «Working mothers are the backbone of the third half of the economy.» Glenda Jackson, Channel 4 TV: «There’s nothing athletes like — or indeed hate — more than hanging around like this.» — David Coleman, BBC 1 TV «Not being in ... Читать далее...
2. Quotes from stupid 02These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. «That race was all about competition.» — David Coleman, ITV «And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us.» — Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3 Mark Goodier: What’s the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark ... Читать далее...
3. Stupid sports quotesThese are actual sports quotes said by various people throughout the world. Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, «Because she is too ugly to kiss goodbye.» New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:»I want to ... Читать далее...
4. A Weather ForecastColleen: Shh! I want to hear the Weather forecast for this week. Jerry: What’s so important about this week? Colleen: Shh! Radio Announcer: Tomorrow, this Warm front will move out and a Cold front will move in, bringing with it Windy conditions with a chance of Thunderstorms. Colleen: Yeah! Radio Announcer: On Tuesday, things will ... Читать далее...
5. Food quotes and quipsFood quotes, quips, and thoughts. . . «Artichokes… are just plain annoying… After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual ‘food’ out of eating an artichoke as you would rom licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead.» — Miss Piggy «The most remarkable thing about my ... Читать далее...
6. Stupid people storiesIDIOTS & RETAIL I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was ... Читать далее...
7. Stupid people fearingWANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова agreementAgreement — согласие, соглашение, договор Перевод слова Collective agreement — коллективный договор as part of the agreement — в рамках соглашения to conclude an agreement — заключить договор, соглашение I thought we had an Agreement. Я думал, мы договорились. They had an unwritten Agreement. У них был негласный договор. He nodded his head in Agreement. ... Читать далее...
9. Ronald Reagan’s 10 best quotesSome people might look at all the President Reagan hoopla and say, «There you go again.» But who can resist putting together the ten best things Ronald Reagan ever said. Are these really the ten best quotes? «Trust, but verify» them yourself. The selection may be slightly subjective, but the ranking is based on hard ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова desertDesert — пустыня; заслуга, награда; оставлять, покидать Перевод слова The Sahara Desert — пустыня Сахара to recognize real desert — видеть подлинные достоинства to each according to his deserts — каждому по заслугам the streets were deserted — улицы были пустынны He has got his just Deserts. Он получил по заслугам. They were lost in ... Читать далее...
11. Truly stupid people 02Top honors for «Human Projectile of the Month» go to an as-of-yet unidentified dude who is also a serious contender for the annual «Darwin Award». That prestigious prize is given posthumously to the person who does the human gene pool the greatest service by removing himself from it in the most extraordinarily stupid fashion. Troopers ... Читать далее...
12. Evaluating employeesRE: Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations: «Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.» «His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.» «I would not allow this employee to breed.» «This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of ... Читать далее...
13. Stupid people awards 02The 2000 Darwin awards! (15 July 1999, Alabama) A 25-year-old soldier died of injuries sustained from a 3-story fall, precipitated by his attempt to spit farther than his buddy. His plan was to hurl himself towards a metal guardrail while expectorating, in order to add momentum to his saliva. In a tragic miscalculation, his momentum ... Читать далее...
14. Marriage quotes 08Many a wife thinks her husband is the world’s greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it. Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give. — Cass Daley Marriage is a mutual relationship if both parties ... Читать далее...
15. Marriage quotes 10Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow’s second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish ... Читать далее...
16. Stupid people stories 02Stupid people DEADHEADS A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify. THIS WOULD BE ME The judge called the ... Читать далее...
17. Marriage quotes 03There was a man who said, «I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late!» Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense. When a ... Читать далее...
18. Wishful Drinking Quotes*** «Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell.» *** «Anyway, George comes up to me the first day of filming and he takes one look at the dress and says, ‘You can’t wear a bra under that dress.’ So, I say, ‘Okay, I’ll bite. Why?’ And he says, ‘Because… there’s ... Читать далее...
19. Very stupid musicianAugust, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children’s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which ... Читать далее...
20. Marriage quotes 07If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way. In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy. In marriage, the bridge gets a shower. But for the groom, it’s curtains! Jimmy Carter as President is like Truman Capote marrying Dolly Parton. The job ... Читать далее...
21. Marriage quotes 13The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. — Groucho Marx The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are ... Читать далее...
22. Marriage quotes 15All marriages are happy — it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Disclaimer: Even my wife doesn’t agree with everything I say, and she loves me dearly. My employers don’t love me ... Читать далее...
23. Перевод слова radioRadio — радио, радиовещание Перевод слова Broadcasting radio station — широковещательная радиостанция radio commentator — радиокомментатор radio frequency — частота радиоволн aeronautical radio station — авиационная радиостанция Turn the Radio down. Сделайте радио потише. The news was sent by Radio. Новости были переданы по радио. Is the Radio on? Радио работает?...
24. True stupid stories 01Really Stupid People Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills. A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other’s head. A company trying to ... Читать далее...
25. True stupid stories 02Saddam Hussein’s stockpile is deadly. The smoke from his biological weapons could mix with sulfur from his chemical weapons and create an atmospheric condition known as Los Angeles. The Los Angeles Board of Education has OK’d a plan to equip school police cars with guns. The plan works on a tier system: Police at elementary ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова actualActual — фактический, реальный Перевод слова Actual data — фактические данные, реальные данные actual immunity — реальный, фактически действующий иммунитет actual intent — действительное намерение I’m not joking. Those were his Actual words. Я не шучу. Таковы были его слова. The Actual turnout was over one million a year. Реальный объем выпускаемой продукции составил больше ... Читать далее...
27. Tour near glaciersThe following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual guide and his response to questions. Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод идиомы reach an agreement / come to an agreement, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: reach an agreement / come to an agreement Перевод: прийти к соглашению Пример: The city was not able to reach an agreement on where to build the new subway line. Город не мог прийти к согласию относительно того, где строить новую линию метро....
29. A stupid dogWhile leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: «What are doing here with a dog?» Bernie: «The dog came here to pray.» «Oh, come ... Читать далее...
30. Amicable old lady«Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It’s nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old ... Читать далее...
31. Talking on a planeThe following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual event that took place during a flight. As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. «Coming up on the right, you can ... Читать далее...
32. Southerners are not that stupidA ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, «HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We’re not all stupid ya know!» «Relax,» said the ventriloquist, «They’re just jokes!» «Shut up, buddy,» the hick ... Читать далее...
33. Truly stupid people 01A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He’s pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to ... Читать далее...
34. The stupid questionsThe below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, ... Читать далее...
35. Humor about the Stupid IrishHiggins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When ... Читать далее...
36. Stupid people awardsIt is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully). The 1997 nominees are: NOMINEE No.1: [San Jose Mervcury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to ... Читать далее...
37. Jokes about the Stupid IrishA man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, «Fill it up, will you?». The man says «Sorry — we’re right out of petrol.» So the man considers, and ... Читать далее...
38. Stupid people awards 01The Darwin Awards The long awaited 1999 Darwin «Natural Selection» Awards have been released! These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Ladies And Gentlemen… (drum roll… and envelope please)… We proudly ... Читать далее...
39. Marriage quotes 06I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. — Dick Martin I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-ages couples with failing marriages meeting at ... Читать далее...
40. Marriage quotes 04A man must marry only a very pretty woman in case he should ever want some other man to take her off his hands. — Guitry Ah Mozart! He was happily married — but his wife wasn’t. — Borge Always talk to your wife while you’re making love… if there’s a phone handy. An archaeologist ... Читать далее...