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1. How to hunt elephants – Lawyers style How to hunt elephants – Lawyer’s style Lawyers don’t hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping. Sent by Alex...
2. Buffalo analogy A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps […]...
3. Question answer 02 Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why’s that? Manager: Everytime he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football? They keep drawing! […]...
4. Question answer 08 Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, a crossbar can’t jump! Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches? They prefer cricket matches! What stories are told by basketball players? Tall stories! Who won the race between two balls of string? They we’re tied! Why are football players never […]...
5. Question answer 01 Where do religious school children practice sports? In the prayground! How did the basketball court get wet? The players dribbled all over it! Why did the chicken get sent off? For persistent fowl play! Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game? It was a cup draw! Where […]...
6. Question answer 04 What did the footballer say when he accidentally burped during a game? Sorry, it was a freak hic! Why are football grounds odd? Because you can sit in the stands but can’t stand in the sits! What do you get if you drop a piano on a team’s defence? A flat back four! Why did […]...
7. Question answer 05 Our team is doing so badly that “Manager of the Month” isn’t an award. It’s an appointment! Did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding? They got jellygated! Which insect didn’t play well in goal? The fumble bee! What did the bumble bee striker say? Hive scored! What is black and […]...
8. Question answer 06 What lights up a football stadium? A football match! If you have a referee in football, what do you have in bowls? Cornflakes! Why aren’t football stadiums built in outer space? Because there is no atmosphere! Where do spiders play their FA Cup final? Webley stadium! When fish play football, who is the captain? The […]...
9. Question answer 03 What’s the chilliest ground in the premiership? Cold Trafford! How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner! Why didn’t the dog want to play football? It was a boxer! What did they call Dracula when he won the league? The champire! Which England player keeps up the fuel supply? Paul […]...
10. Question answer 07 How do you stop squirrels playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts! What’s tennis players favourite city? Volley wood! How does a physicist exercise? By pumping ion! Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run! What is a runner’s favourite […]...
11. The answer to the eternal question A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when […]...
12. An old man was critically ill An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degree you told me about?” “It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?” “That’s my business! […]...
13. Tarzania II What is the difference between en elephant and a plum? An elephant is grey. What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance? “Look! A herd of plums in the distance” (Jane is colorblind)...
14. Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question Why lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer: In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand – a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?” She responded, “Why, yes I do know […]...
15. Перевод слова herd Herd – стадо, толпа; собирать вместе Перевод слова Herd instinct – стадное чувство a herd of parasites – толпа бездельников a herd of bicyclists – стайка велосипедистов a herd of horses – табун лошадей They Herded the students into the auditorium. Они согнали студентов в актовый зал. The horses were Herded into the corral. Лошадей […]...
16. Значение идиомы ride herd on [ride herd on] {v. phr.} 1. To patrol on horseback around a herd ofanimals to see that none of them wanders away. Two cowboys rodeherd on the cattle being driven to market. 2. {informal} To watchclosely and control; take care of. A special legislative assistantrides herd on the bills the president is anxious to have […]...
17. Lawyers as lab rats The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch. 1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little […]...
18. Lawyers are greedy A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”, he whined. “You lawyers are so […]...
19. Значение идиомы neck [neck] See: BREATHE DOWN ONE’S NECK, BREAK ONE’S NECK, CATCH IT INTHE NECK or GET IT IN THE NECK, PAIN IN THE NECK, SAVE ONE’S NECK, STICK ONE’S NECK OUT....
20. Tarzania What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance? “Look, a herd of elephants in the distance” What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses in the distance? Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them. What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in […]...
21. Перевод слова neck Neck – шея Перевод слова To break the neck – свернуть шею up to the neck – по горло, по уши to break the neck of winter – оставить позади большую часть зимы nervy neck – мускулистая шея They Necked their Queen. Они отрубили голову своей королеве. She gave him a Neck massage. Она сделала […]...
22. I get so drunk that I imagine things The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, pal?” “A mongoose.” “What for?” “Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I’m scared to death of snakes. […]...
23. The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
24. Too good to be true A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the customer, “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”...
25. Перевод слова sand Sand – песок, засыпать песком Перевод слова To blanket the fire with sand – засыпать огонь песком sand-blast cleaning – пескоструйная очистка corn of sand – песчинка I have Sand in my shoe. У меня песок в ботинках. Water permeates Sand easily. Вода легко проходит сквозь песок. The new Renault comes in black, silver, blue […]...
26. Перевод идиомы call someone or something into question, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: call someone or something into question Перевод: подвергать сомнению, усомниться Пример: The lawyer called the man’s statement about his neighbor into question. Адвокат подверг сомнению заявление мужчины о своем соседе....
27. Mexican Smuggler Juan pedals up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and asks, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answers Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart. He empties them […]...
28. Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Juan. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them […]...
29. The cost of a brain A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains. “How much does it cost for engineer brain?” “Three dollars an […]...
30. Save the dead rabbit A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
31. Значение идиомы neck and neck [neck and neck] {adj. or adv.}, {informal} Equal or nearly equal ina race or contest; abreast; tied. At the end of the race the twohorses were neck and neck. For months John and Harry seemed to beneck and neck in Alice’s favor. Compare: NIP AND TUCK....
32. Hair spray A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]...
33. Перевод слова difference Difference – различие, разница, несходство Перевод слова Difference of opinion – расхождение во мнениях difference of five pounds – разница в пять фунтов to have a difference with smb. – поспорить с кем-л. It makes no Difference. Какая разница? Can you taste the Difference? Вы можете почувствовать разницу? It makes a vast Difference. Это значительно […]...
34. Bagpipes Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) – I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic […]...
35. Very fair payment An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and […]...
36. Перевод слова lawyer Lawyer – адвокат, юрист Перевод слова A lawyer by profession – юрист по профессии lawyer’s clients – клиенты адвоката lawyer practice, practice of law – юридическая практика You should see a Lawyer. Вы должны увидеться с адвокатом. You should talk to a Lawyer. Вам следует проконсультироваться с юристом. I got a letter from my Lawyer. […]...
37. Investment counselor An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in […]...
38. Arkansas Governor Application First name:___________________Last name(if known):_______________________ Address (where you live): Mother’s name(list also relation, i. e., sister):__________________ Birthdate(yours):____________________ Father’s name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________ Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( ) Year of pickup truck:____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( […]...
39. Значение идиомы catch it in the neck [catch it in the neck] or [get it in the neck] {v. phr.}, {slang} To be blamed or punished. Tom got it in the neck because he forgot to close the windows when it rained. Students get it in the neck when they lose library books. Compare: CATCH IT, GET WHAT’S COMING TO ONE....
40. Перевод идиомы neck and neck, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: neck and neck Перевод: голова в голову, наравне, не отставая (особенно в спорте, состязании, соревновании) Пример: The two teams were neck and neck in the race to win the national championship. Две команды шли наравне в гонке за выигрыш в национальном первенстве....