Pappy sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks

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1. This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a buildingThis guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with a sign «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he thinks. «How in the world does that fit in here?» So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sitting in the corner. The visitor asks, «How in the world did this place ... Читать далее...
2. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little JohnnyThis guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова lanternLantern — фонарь Перевод слова To light a lantern — зажигать фонарь to shine a lantern on — посветить фонарем на battery-operated lantern — фонарь на батарейках This great Lantern of medicine became very rich. Этот человек был светилом в области медицины, и очень разбогател. The Lantern has no affixture but its own weight. У ... Читать далее...
4. A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriendA Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father’s house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl’s feet. «What’s this,» ... Читать далее...
5. A young girl sees her father in the showerA young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. «Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,» he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, «Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?»...
6. A girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet themA girl sees three dogs in the park and kneels down to pet them. «What’s your name?» she asks the first. To her surprise, the dog answers «My name’s Huey and I’m having a great day going in and out of puddles.» She goes up to the second dog and asks «What’s your name?» The ... Читать далее...
7. An elderly couple, living apartAn elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, «We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together. Betsy: Whose house would we live in? Elmer: Mine, it is ... Читать далее...
8. Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum withLittle Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks «What’s that mum? » His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally she came up with the following, «That’s where your dad accidentially hit me ... Читать далее...
9. A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladderA man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, ... Читать далее...
10. A mute was walking down the street one dayA mute was walking down the street one day and chanced upon a friend of his, also a mute. In sign language, he inquired how his friend had been doing. The friend replied (vocally!) «Oh, can that hand-waving shit. I can talk now.» Intrigued, the mute pressed him for details. Seems he had gone to ... Читать далее...
11. There was a drunk man walking down the street turningThere was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, «Sir, what are you doing?» The drunk replied, «I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.» The police officer ... Читать далее...
12. Two men were walking along the street whenTwo men were walking along the street when they came upon a dog licking his dick. One man said, «I sure wish I could do that.» The other replied, «You can, but you’re probably going to have to pet him first.»...
13. A young man asks his fatherA young man asks his father, «Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?» The father, surprised, answers: «Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, ... Читать далее...
14. A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it overA cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, «I’m going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol.» ... Читать далее...
15. A man walks into a friend and seesA man walks into a friend and sees that his friend’s car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, «What’s happened to your car?» «Well,» the friend responses, «I ran into a lawyer». «OK,» says the man, «that explains the blood… But what about the leaves, ... Читать далее...
16. A man is walking past this house when a used condomA man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock ... Читать далее...
17. A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks herA guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, «how much?» she replies, «$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up.» He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, «it’s my hairdresser’s fee!»...
18. Значение идиомы walking papers[walking papers] or [walking orders] also [walking ticket] {n.},{informal} A statement that you are fired from your job; dismissal. The boss was not satisfied with Paul’s work and gave him his walkingpapers. George is out of work. He picked up his walking ticketlast Friday....
19. The little boy comes home from school and asks momThe little boy comes home from school and asks mom, «Where do babies come from?» Not wanting to get into the discussion of sex at such an early time she replies, «From the stork of course!» The little guy thinks for a few seconds and then asks, «But mom, who fucks the stork?»...
20. A priest and a lawyer are walking downA priest and a lawyer are walking down the street and see a small boy eating an ice cream. The priest says, «How’d you like to fuck that?» To which the lawyer replied, «Out of what?»...
21. Armando asksArmando went to his neighbor and asked, «Hey Carlos, do you like a woman who has a beeg stomach steeking oll the way out?» «No,» says Carlos. Armando asks, «Do you like a woman whose teets hang almost to her knees?» «No,» says Carlos. «Well, Carlos, would you like a woman whose heeps are so ... Читать далее...
22. Two nuns are walking down an alleyTwo nuns are walking down an alley when two guys jump out of the dark. They start raping the nuns and the first nun says, «Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!» The second one says, «This one does!»...
23. Two zebras are talking and one asks the otherTwo zebras are talking and one asks the other, «Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?» The other replies, «Well I don’t know. You should pray to God about that and ask him.» So that night he did and God replied, «You are what you are.» The next day he said ... Читать далее...
24. A pregnant woman is about to give birthA pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, «Are you my dad?». The doctor says, «No, I am your doctor!». ... Читать далее...
25. This black guy is walking along a beach whenThis black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he’ll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a ... Читать далее...
26. A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks herA nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: «Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it ... Читать далее...
27. Prostitute walks into a bar and asks the barmanProstitute walks into a bar and asks the bar man for two Bacardi’s and coke. Bar man serves her and notices that she drinks one and empties the other one down her panties. Now this happened another three times and the bar man was getting rather curious. The bar man nicely questions her and asks ... Читать далее...
28. Значение идиомы walking encyclopedia[walking encyclopedia] {n. phr.} A polymath; a person very wellversed in a number of different disciplines. My uncle is averitable walking encyclopedia when it comes to the history of WorldWar II. Contrast: WALKING DICTIONARY....
29. An eight year old boy is walking down the road one dayAn eight year old boy is walking down the road one day when a car pulls over next to him. «If you get in the car,» the driver says, «I’ll give you $10 and a piece of candy.» The boy refuses and keeps on walking. A few moments later, not to take no for an ... Читать далее...
30. One day there were these three boys walking downOne day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: ‘HELP! HELP!’ When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. ... Читать далее...
31. I was walking down an alley last nightI was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, «Help! Help!» coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t ... Читать далее...
32. In the back woods of ArkansasIn the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, «Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.» ... Читать далее...
33. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asksLittle Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. «Nah,» says Johnny, «what else do ... Читать далее...
34. This businessman was walking down the sidewalkThis businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed the door shut taking off. Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman ... Читать далее...
35. A business man got on an elevator in a buildingA business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, «T-G-I-F» (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, «S-H-I-T» (letters only).» She looked at him, puzzled, and said, «T-G-I-F» again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ... Читать далее...
36. A priest is walking down the street one day whenA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boys efforts for some time, the priest moves closer ... Читать далее...
37. A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a showerA little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower. It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says….. «Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?» The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks…. ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод сленгового выражения walking on eggshells, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: walking on eggshells Перевод: быть в затруднительном положении; быть на краю опасности или гибели Синоним: walking on thin ice Пример: Ever since I smashed their car, I’ve been walking on eggshells with my parents. С тех пор, как я разбил машину своих родителей, отношения у меня с ними затруднительные. We’re walking on eggshells ... Читать далее...
39. What is your nameWalking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, «Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.» «Hans Olaffsen?», he muses. «How in hell does that fit in here?» So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind ... Читать далее...
40. A man is driving down the road for a long period of timeA man is driving down the road for a long period of time. During his travel, he sees a priest with a gas can hitch hiking, so he gladly picks him up he says,»Normally father, i dont pick up hitch hikers. You seem like a man of dignity so i thought id make an exception. ... Читать далее...