One day in the Garden of Eden
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem!”
“What’s the problem, Eve?”
“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I’m just not happy.”
“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.
“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”
“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”
“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”
“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.”
“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.
“Yeah, well. He’s better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition.”
“What’s that, Lord?”
“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”
(1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)Related topics:
- After the fall in Garden of Eden After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, “What’s that?” Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home.”...
- Перевод слова garden Garden – сад Перевод слова At the bottom of his garden – в конце сада the boweriest part of the garden – самая тенистая часть сада to maintain a garden – ухаживать за садом vegetable garden – огород My hobby is Gardening. Мое хобби – садоводство. The Garden enchanted her. Сад очаровал ее. The Garden […]...
- Перевод слова muscular Muscular – мышечный, мускулистый Перевод слова Muscular activity – мышечная работа muscular tissue – мышечная ткань muscular man – мускулистый человек muscular system – мускулатура cardiac muscular fiber – сердечное мышечное волокно muscular debility – мышечная слабость He’s very Muscular. Он чрезвычайно мускулистый. He has a Muscular physique. Он мускулистого телосложения....
- Guns in a garden An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it and received this reply. “For Heavens SAKES, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!! At […]...
- Working in the garden A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! […]...
- Перевод слова altogether Altogether – вполне, всецело Перевод слова Altogether bad – совершенно негодный for altogether – навсегда is another thing altogether – совсем другое дело They had an Altogether new idea. У них была совершенно новая идея. How much do I owe you Altogether? Сколько я вам должен вообще? There were five people Altogether. Там было пять […]...
- Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” “They’re mating, Lucy” he replied. “What do you call the spider on top Daddy?” Lucy asked. “Oh, that’s a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, “Oh, so one’s a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a […]...
- Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
- Перевод идиомы lead someone down / up the garden path, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: lead someone down / up the garden path Перевод: обманывать кого-либо, вводить кого-либо в заблуждение, водить кого-либо за нос Пример: The young woman was leading her boyfriend down the garden path when she promised to marry him. Молодая женщина водила за нос своего парня, когда пообещала ему выйти за него замуж....
- Little Johnny sat playing in the garden Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. “No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!” Trying to convince him further, “Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.” “No, she […]...
- Перевод слова fleet Fleet – флот, флотилия Перевод слова A fleet in being – флот, готовый к боевым действиям mercantile fleet – торговый флот fishing fleet – рыболовная флотилия The airline is upgrading its Fleet. Авиакомпания обновляет свой летный парк. Fishing Fleets are not allowed inside another country’s territorial waters. Рыболовецким флотилиям запрещен лов во внутренних территориальных водах […]...
- Seymour was a good and pious man Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. “Hungry, Seymour?” the Lord asked. “I could eat,” said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and […]...
- Значение идиомы ball [ball] See: BASE ON BALLS, CARRY THE BALL, FLY BALL, FOUL BALL, GET THE BALL ROLLING, SET THE BALL ROLLING, START THE BALL ROLLING, GOPHER BALL, GROUND BALL, HAVE A HALL, HAVE SOMETHING ON THE BALL, JUMP BALL, KEEP THE BALL ROLLING, LONG BALL, ON THE BALL, PASSED BALL, PLAYBALL....
- Nature of Hell A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.” Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when […]...
- Planting a Garden Joni: Smell that! Giuseppe: Smell what? Joni: Smell that Fresh air. Aren’t you glad I got you to help me Plant this Garden? We’re going to have so much fun today. Giuseppe: Uh huh. I’m glad to help, but I don’t exactly have a Green thumb. Joni: That’s okay. As long as you can Tell […]...
- The definition of a phallic symbol This girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks “Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says “you’re kidding..” Girl says “no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???” Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says “You see? This is a failic symbol!” Girl says “Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller”...
- Значение идиомы hell [hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
- Перевод идиомы other fish to fry / bigger fish to fry, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: other fish to fry / bigger fish to fry Идиома: other fish to fry / bigger fish to fry разг. Перевод: другие дела, вещи, о которых нужно позаботиться (как правило, более важные) Пример: I think that the man has other fish to fry and will not be happy to continue with his present job. […]...
- A husband and wife were out playing golf A husband and wife were out playing golf. They tee off and one drive goes to the right and one drive goes to the left. The wife finds her ball in a patch of buttercups. She grabs a club and takes a mighty swing at the ball. She hits a beautiful second shot, but in […]...
- The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, […]...
- Значение идиомы to hell with [to hell with] or [the hell with] {prep. phr.}, {informal} Used toexpress disgusted rejection of something. It’s slop; the hell withwhat the cook calls it. Compare: FED UP, GIVE A HANG....
- Перевод слова condition Condition – состояние, обстоятельства, условия Перевод слова Condition of the market – состояние рынка to accept a condition – принимать условие on condition that – при условии, что The car was in perfect Condition. Машина была в идеальном состоянии. I Condition my hair after washing it У привожу в порядок свои волосы после того как […]...
- The seven kinds of passionate women 1.The Optimist – “Yes! Yes! Yes!” 2.The Pessimist – “No! No! No!” 3.The Confused – “Yes! No! Yes! No! Yes! Yes! No! No!” 4.The Asthmatic – written rendition of gasping 5.The Sprinter – “Faster! Agh! Faster! Faster!” 6.The Religious – “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! 7.The Mathematician – “More! More! More! More!...
- You tell me! A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to “enforce the laws pending.” He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, “Looks like you’ve had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?” The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden. The warden […]...
- Capitalist and Socialist Hell A young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, “What […]...
- When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven. “Sorry, old man,” Peter said, “But I can’t let you in. You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back in 1978 – You took the Lord’s name in vain during a golf game.” “Oh, yes. I’ll never […]...
- Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best… find a woman with whom he may “commiserate”. After a wild night of getting it on, it’s time for the young lady to leave. As she’s getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation. She says, “Lotsa guys want to […]...
- A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting. Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and […]...
- Значение идиомы alive and kicking [alive and kicking] {adj. phr.} Very active; vigorous; full of energy. Grandpa was taken to the hospital with pneumonia, but he was discharged yesterday and is alive and kicking....
- Eating Genetically Modified Foods Ralph: What’s that? Nicky: It’s a bigger and better tomato. It’s been Genetically modified. Ralph: You’re not going to eat that, are you? Nicky: Of course I am. I’m making a salad. Want one? Ralph: No way. I don’t want to eat something that’s been Genetically engineered in a Laboratory. Who knows what kind of […]...
- The ages of man God created the mule, and told him, ‘you will be Mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years. The mule answered: ‘To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more […]...
- Значение идиомы a hell of [a hell of] a [or one hell of a] {adj. or adv. phr.}, {informal} Extraordinary; very. He made a hell of a shot during the basketball game. Max said seven months was a hell of a time to have to wait for a simple visa. The fall Max took left one hell of a bruise […]...
- Перевод слова hell Hell – ад, преисподня; черт (ругательство) Перевод слова To make smb.’s life a hell – превратить чью-л. жизнь в ад to suffer through hell – переносить муки ада oh hell! – черт возьми! hell of a way – чертовски далеко Who the Hell are you? Кто ты такой, черт побери? To Hell with the flaming […]...
- Appropriate punishment Through the kitchen window a farmer’s wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy’s in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow. Once inside, his mother says, “I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig […]...
- Значение идиомы in season [in season] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. {literary} At the proper orbest time. Fred’s father told him that he was not old enough yetbut that he would learn to drive in season. 2a. At the right orlawful time for hunting or catching. Deer will be in season nextweek. In spring we’ll go fishing when trout […]...
- The Hazards of Kicking the Cat The Hazards of Kicking the Cat There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day doing his chores. He was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the yard. He was feeding the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of […]...
- Значение идиомы on condition that [on condition that] {conj.} Providing that; if. I will lend youthe money on condition that you pay it back in one month. Sheagreed to act in the play on condition that she could keep hercostumes....
- Перевод слова lord Lord – господин, повелитель; командовать, помыкать Перевод слова Our sovereign lord the King – король, наш верховный повелитель the House of Lords – палата лордов lord of the manor – владелец поместья he will not be lorded over – он не позволит командовать собой He Lords it over his friends. Он помыкает своими друзьями. Lord […]...
- Перевод идиомы alive and kicking, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: alive and kicking Перевод: быть в хорошем здравии, иметь хорошее здоровье Пример: My aunt is 87 years old and she is very much alive and kicking. Моей тете 87 лет, и у нее очень хорошее здоровье....
- Fleet Street Топик Флит-Стрит знакомит вас с улицей в лондонском Сити. С 18-го века на Флит-стрит стали появляться офисы основных лондонских газет, а позднее – и информационных агентств. Хотя многие СМИ в последнее время переехали в другие районы, за Флит-стрит прочно закрепилась репутация цитадели британской прессы. Fleet Street has been the meeting place for newspaper men since […]...